A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.'
'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.'
The man below says, 'You must be a project manager
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep,and you expect me to solve your problem.'
Sent By : Thiyagu R
Friday, October 28, 2005
Men are Men!!!
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which one to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of
$5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she
loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with
the money.
Guess which lady he chose to marry?
He married the most beautiful one!!!!!
Men are Men!!!
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of
$5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she
loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with
the money.
Guess which lady he chose to marry?
He married the most beautiful one!!!!!
Men are Men!!!
This is my mother!!!!!!!!!
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school
if a student is to be
absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall
with her friends. So she waited
until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school
today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note
her absence. Who is this
calling please?"
"This is my mother."
if a student is to be
absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall
with her friends. So she waited
until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school
today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note
her absence. Who is this
calling please?"
"This is my mother."
Joke
Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
Teacher :Because of Quaid-E-Azam's hard work what do we get on 14th August.
Student:A holiday
Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
japan
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
Teacher :Because of Quaid-E-Azam's hard work what do we get on 14th August.
Student:A holiday
Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
japan
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
Sardar
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They
had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided
to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and
built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The
story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY ?
- Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto
garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon
started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car
to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2
days ,a week but no car came to their garage.
WHY ?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi
driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began
to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed
their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed
their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided
to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing
their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the
taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night
and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The
taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi
wouldnt budge.
WHY ?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided
to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and
built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The
story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY ?
- Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto
garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon
started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car
to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2
days ,a week but no car came to their garage.
WHY ?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi
driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began
to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed
their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed
their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided
to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing
their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the
taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night
and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The
taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi
wouldnt budge.
WHY ?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
A "Little Sugar" Can Be Deadly
A little sugar can mean high blood sugar, which increases your risk of diabetes and obesity, and worsens heart disease.
Some people refer to diabetes as "a little sugar" in the blood. But excess sugar floating around in your arteries can be harmful to your health and wellbeing!
Here's why: All food is broken down into glucose and taken into our cells for use as energy. Unused sugar can be converted to free fatty acids and stored as fat. And excess sugar in the blood can make your artery walls sticky, causing dietary fat and cholesterol to stick to them. This can lead to hardening and narrowing of the arteries.
Narrow arteries can't deliver blood to the various tissues that need it. The heart, brain and retina can be starved of blood. The end result can be heart attacks, strokes and blindness.
That said: You have the power to prevent these complications. Here's how:
Avoid simple (refined) sugars. Be aware of sugar hidden in sodas, yogurt and frozen slushy drinks. These beverages often have up to 14 teaspoons of sugar in them! If you're not burning that sugar as fuel, then it's being stored as fat, or it's sticking to your arteries!
Graze. We were meant to graze throughout the day like deer. We're really at our best when we use food as an energy source.You can keep your blood sugar steady when you consume a small meal or snack every three to four hours, which is about how long it takes to digest food. Eating in this way keeps your metabolism high and prevents you from storing fat! What's more, you'll enjoy steady energy, rather than the peaking and crashing that can come from consuming too many simple sugars.
Exercise. Sad, but true, we take in far more calories than we burn. With increased exercise, you use the sugar you take in and boost your metabolism at the same time. Regular exercise also helps you avoid becoming overweight, which also increases your chances of developing diabetes.
Some people refer to diabetes as "a little sugar" in the blood. But excess sugar floating around in your arteries can be harmful to your health and wellbeing!
Here's why: All food is broken down into glucose and taken into our cells for use as energy. Unused sugar can be converted to free fatty acids and stored as fat. And excess sugar in the blood can make your artery walls sticky, causing dietary fat and cholesterol to stick to them. This can lead to hardening and narrowing of the arteries.
Narrow arteries can't deliver blood to the various tissues that need it. The heart, brain and retina can be starved of blood. The end result can be heart attacks, strokes and blindness.
That said: You have the power to prevent these complications. Here's how:
Avoid simple (refined) sugars. Be aware of sugar hidden in sodas, yogurt and frozen slushy drinks. These beverages often have up to 14 teaspoons of sugar in them! If you're not burning that sugar as fuel, then it's being stored as fat, or it's sticking to your arteries!
Graze. We were meant to graze throughout the day like deer. We're really at our best when we use food as an energy source.You can keep your blood sugar steady when you consume a small meal or snack every three to four hours, which is about how long it takes to digest food. Eating in this way keeps your metabolism high and prevents you from storing fat! What's more, you'll enjoy steady energy, rather than the peaking and crashing that can come from consuming too many simple sugars.
Exercise. Sad, but true, we take in far more calories than we burn. With increased exercise, you use the sugar you take in and boost your metabolism at the same time. Regular exercise also helps you avoid becoming overweight, which also increases your chances of developing diabetes.
Thinking Back!!!
It was not "someone" who called me a bachelor the first time. It was
"something". The brown official-looking envelope I received by registered
post that day had my degree certificate in it. 'Bachelor of...', it
announced in somewhat gaudy letters as I stood smiling. Bachelor!
Till then I was a boy, a brother, a student and whatnot?but not a bachelor.
All of a sudden, that important piece of paper had given me a new identity.
I know you are dying to tell me things like 'this bachelor is not that
bachelor', but believe me, the very next day my phone rang. It was my
real-estate agent, an uneasy reminder to the approaching expiration of the
initial company accommodation. "Sir, you are a bachelor, are you not?"
"Sure, I am," I said, almost adding, "and now I have proof of that, if you
need."
"something". The brown official-looking envelope I received by registered
post that day had my degree certificate in it. 'Bachelor of...', it
announced in somewhat gaudy letters as I stood smiling. Bachelor!
Till then I was a boy, a brother, a student and whatnot?but not a bachelor.
All of a sudden, that important piece of paper had given me a new identity.
I know you are dying to tell me things like 'this bachelor is not that
bachelor', but believe me, the very next day my phone rang. It was my
real-estate agent, an uneasy reminder to the approaching expiration of the
initial company accommodation. "Sir, you are a bachelor, are you not?"
"Sure, I am," I said, almost adding, "and now I have proof of that, if you
need."
"Sorry sir. The owner is not willing to give the house to bachelors. But
don't worry, sir, I have many other houses. You see..."
So that's how it is. No country for the people of Palestine. No food for
starving Somalis.No trees for migrating birds. And yes, no houses for poor
bachelors.
They are not welcome in residential areas. Bachelors party and make noise
round the clock. They go after the neighborhood girls. They don't respect
the norms of the colony. They come in groups...
Anyway, I learnt my lesson: Bachelors don't have all the civil rights that
'normal' citizens enjoy. But then, what do we have that makes many a
married guy cherish the memories of his long-lost bachelorhood?
Palestinians have to cling to their land. Migrating birds are bound by
directions. But a bachelor has few restrictions. Except for renting an
apartment and walking into one those stupid 'couples only' clubs, he can
have everything else.
He gets up at any time and sneaks into the office unnoticed when others get
ready for lunch. He sits to almost any time in front of the computer
without worrying about anxious where-are-you calls. He stays away from the
house for days and no questions are asked. He does whatever he wants on the
weekend, in the company of his friends...
Yes. Friends are the most important aspect of any bachelor's life. Without
them he practically has no existence, especially if he's staying away from
home.
But then one day, over the thundering music and the first round of cold
beer in a dimly lit pub, he announces his plans to get married to this cute
girl that someone else had found for him. Over the double cheers, the
naughty comments and laughter, I become aware of something that hurts me
somewhere.
My friend's getting married. Of course it's something to celebrate. But
then, that also means he's leaving the gang!
We attend his wedding, the most colorful function of his life, in full
spirits. All of us. We give him gifts, wish him good luck and retreat to
our good old world, one member less. It does not take much time before we
find him reduced to much-delayed replies to our bunch of mails?and as for
phone calls, that comes only once in a blue moon.
For my part, I watch the pile of wedding invitations in the corner of my
desk grow at an amazing, alarming pace. Before I know it, most of my cool
buddies are gone. And the rest of us soon realize that we are not always
welcome to the new circle the married men have formed. So we seek solace
behind those office doors where the sun never sets.
I do meet my married friends occasionally. In the office, on a casual walk,
or in a busy restaurant. They are my friends still. And they are still
friendly as much as their new lifestyle and added responsibilities permit.
But...
Oh heck, there's my telephone. I think it is my real-estate agent again...
Sent By : Suresh kumar C
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Sardarji's Letter
Dear banta
Vahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm
writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20
miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed
here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not
have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to
bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated
right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts,
pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't
too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3
days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt
said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal
buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has
another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the
cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is
a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him
out,but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he
burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after
he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for
his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
ur's Big Banta
Vahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm
writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20
miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed
here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not
have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to
bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated
right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts,
pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't
too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3
days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt
said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal
buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has
another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the
cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is
a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him
out,but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he
burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after
he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for
his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
ur's Big Banta
Optimist
"Sir, we're surrounded!"
"Excellent. We can attack in any direction!"
--An Army Officer
Sent by: Karthik Paandian
"Excellent. We can attack in any direction!"
--An Army Officer
Sent by: Karthik Paandian
Crazy
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he saw a
dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back
again.
So, he goes over to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth.
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb,
please".
The dog has money in his mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and,
The dog behold, a ten dollar note. So he takes the money
and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he
decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is
walking down the street when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts
down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in
mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with
the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and
starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The
dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number,
and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks
at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now, open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels
through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery.
Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back
paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in
his mouth. Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog
turns into a house.
He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back
down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He goes back
down the path, runs up to the door and again, it throws himself against it. There's no
answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow
wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats
his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog,
kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher runs up,
and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing?
The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds:
"You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story:
You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall
short of the boss's expectations!!
dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back
again.
So, he goes over to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth.
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb,
please".
The dog has money in his mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and,
The dog behold, a ten dollar note. So he takes the money
and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he
decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is
walking down the street when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts
down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in
mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with
the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and
starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The
dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number,
and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks
at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now, open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels
through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery.
Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back
paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in
his mouth. Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog
turns into a house.
He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back
down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He goes back
down the path, runs up to the door and again, it throws himself against it. There's no
answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow
wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats
his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog,
kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher runs up,
and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing?
The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds:
"You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story:
You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall
short of the boss's expectations!!
Always tell the truth
A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He
walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby
bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and
starts talking to her .They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to
another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he
realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill
me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder,
which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where
the hell have you been?".
Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they
were closed. So I Went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this
great looking girl There and we had a few drinks and one thing led to
another and I ended up in Bed with her.
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are Covered with
powder and says..."You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"
Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway. At least
your conscience is clear.
walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby
bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and
starts talking to her .They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to
another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he
realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill
me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder,
which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where
the hell have you been?".
Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they
were closed. So I Went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this
great looking girl There and we had a few drinks and one thing led to
another and I ended up in Bed with her.
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are Covered with
powder and says..."You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"
Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway. At least
your conscience is clear.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Patience
A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He Went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged Bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"
Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!
A little teeny voice came out of the box... "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."
Patience is very important in life.
After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged Bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"
Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!
A little teeny voice came out of the box... "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."
Patience is very important in life.
Effective Communication
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation?
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation?
Be A Lake
The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in
a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?"
the Master asked. "Awful," spat the apprentice.
The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of
salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake
and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old
man said, "Now drink from the lake."
As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does
it taste?" "Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked
the Master. "No," said the young man.
The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said,
"The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life
remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain'
depends on the container we put it into.
So when you are in pain, the only
thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things .....
Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"
a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?"
the Master asked. "Awful," spat the apprentice.
The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of
salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake
and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old
man said, "Now drink from the lake."
As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does
it taste?" "Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked
the Master. "No," said the young man.
The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said,
"The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life
remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain'
depends on the container we put it into.
So when you are in pain, the only
thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things .....
Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"
The Almonds
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a
little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds,
which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands
him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the
almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their
old teeth. They are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.
Whereupon the old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."
little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds,
which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands
him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the
almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their
old teeth. They are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.
Whereupon the old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."
Friday, October 21, 2005
Thought for the Day
Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why.
Programmers combine theory and practice:
Nothing works and they don't know why.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why.
Programmers combine theory and practice:
Nothing works and they don't know why.
Loser!!!!!
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minut es, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem. Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minut es, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem. Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
Hospitality
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.
However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby, "whiz away sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.
However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby, "whiz away sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
Thursday, October 20, 2005
FIVE MORE MINUTES
While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench
near a playground. "That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a
little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide. "He's a fine looking
boy," the man said. "That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater." Then,
looking at his watch, he called to his son. "What do you say we go,
Todd?" Todd pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more
minutes." The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's
content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. "Time to
go now?" Again Todd pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."
The man smiled and said, "O.K." "My, you certainly are a patient father,"
the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, "My older son Tommy was
killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near
here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just
five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with
Todd. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get Five
more minutes to watch him play." Life is all about making priorities, what
are your priorities? Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time
today.
near a playground. "That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a
little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide. "He's a fine looking
boy," the man said. "That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater." Then,
looking at his watch, he called to his son. "What do you say we go,
Todd?" Todd pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more
minutes." The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's
content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. "Time to
go now?" Again Todd pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."
The man smiled and said, "O.K." "My, you certainly are a patient father,"
the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, "My older son Tommy was
killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near
here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just
five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with
Todd. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get Five
more minutes to watch him play." Life is all about making priorities, what
are your priorities? Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time
today.
Team Work
It was a sports stadium.
Eight Children were standing on the track
to participate the running event.
Ready!
Steady!
Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly they have covered ten to fifteen steps,
one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down.
Due to bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound,
stopped running, stood for a while and turned back.
They all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and
enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.
All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her.
Two of them held the girl firmly and
they all seven joined hands together and
walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked.
Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.
Many eyes were filled with tears
and perhaps it had reached the GOD even !
YES.
This happened in Hydrabad, recently !
The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health.
All these special girls had come to participate in this event and
they are spastic children.
Yes, they were mentally retarded.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?
. . . . . . . . ????
Successful people should help others who are slow in learning
so that they are not felt far behind.
Eight Children were standing on the track
to participate the running event.
Ready!
Steady!
Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly they have covered ten to fifteen steps,
one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down.
Due to bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound,
stopped running, stood for a while and turned back.
They all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and
enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.
All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her.
Two of them held the girl firmly and
they all seven joined hands together and
walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked.
Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.
Many eyes were filled with tears
and perhaps it had reached the GOD even !
YES.
This happened in Hydrabad, recently !
The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health.
All these special girls had come to participate in this event and
they are spastic children.
Yes, they were mentally retarded.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?
. . . . . . . . ????
Successful people should help others who are slow in learning
so that they are not felt far behind.
Chanakya Quotes
"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest
people are screwed first."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will
destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no
friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I
doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you
think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But
the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such
friendships will never give you any happiness."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five
years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind
person."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
people are screwed first."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will
destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no
friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I
doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you
think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But
the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such
friendships will never give you any happiness."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five
years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind
person."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
All about Wives!!!!
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same
way. - Henny Youngman
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then
we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A good wife always forgives her husband when
she's wrong. - Milton Berle
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I was married by a judge. I should have asked
for a jury. - George Burns
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied,
"In the lake." - Henny Youngman
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller
------------------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman
-------------------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
"You know, I was a fool when married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
love and didn't notice."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 m! onths - I
don't like to interrupt her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more
affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he
decided not to report it since the thief was
spending much less than his wife did.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Getting married is very much like going to a
restaurant with friends. You order what you
want, then when you see what the other
fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than
single men. It only seems longer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it
was almost impossible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all
-money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love
of a beautiful woman and then,BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife
found out..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men
would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I think one of the greatest things about
marriage is that as both
husband and father, I can say anything I want to
around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of
attention.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman
is one who can find such a man.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can
ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law
gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay,
give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared
for marriage They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who
is packing your parachute
way. - Henny Youngman
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then
we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A good wife always forgives her husband when
she's wrong. - Milton Berle
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I was married by a judge. I should have asked
for a jury. - George Burns
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied,
"In the lake." - Henny Youngman
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller
------------------------------------------------------------------
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman
-------------------------------------------------------------------
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
"You know, I was a fool when married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
love and didn't notice."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 m! onths - I
don't like to interrupt her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend told me I should be more
affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he
decided not to report it since the thief was
spending much less than his wife did.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Getting married is very much like going to a
restaurant with friends. You order what you
want, then when you see what the other
fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
It's not true that married men live longer than
single men. It only seems longer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it
was almost impossible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all
-money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love
of a beautiful woman and then,BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife
found out..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men
would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I think one of the greatest things about
marriage is that as both
husband and father, I can say anything I want to
around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of
attention.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman
is one who can find such a man.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can
ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law
gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay,
give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared
for marriage They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who
is packing your parachute
ANGER AND EXASPERATION
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her
father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger
and exasperation?"
The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me
show you what I mean."
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a
number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he
said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"
The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin.
Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial".
"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a
bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with
something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."
The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?"
asked the father.
"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called
this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here!
You've got lot of guts calling again!" The receiver slammed
down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that
was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means."
He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared,
"Hello!"
The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there
been any calls for me?"
father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger
and exasperation?"
The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me
show you what I mean."
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a
number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he
said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"
The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin.
Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial".
"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a
bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with
something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."
The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?"
asked the father.
"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called
this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here!
You've got lot of guts calling again!" The receiver slammed
down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that
was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means."
He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared,
"Hello!"
The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there
been any calls for me?"
Never Argue with a Child
"NEVER ARGUE WITH A CHILD"
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though
it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated
that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that
a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little
girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What
if Jonah went to hell?"The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.As she got
to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing
was? The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But
no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking
up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a
doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher. She's dead."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow
shouted, "Cause your
feet ain't empty."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was
a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at
the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though
it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated
that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that
a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little
girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What
if Jonah went to hell?"The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.As she got
to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing
was? The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But
no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking
up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a
doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher. She's dead."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow
shouted, "Cause your
feet ain't empty."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was
a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at
the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
How to slim down without doing exercise?
Question: Is there any way to slim down without doing any exercise as it is
not possible to exercise in the morning hours?
Answer: I would suggest just a very easy exercise. Just turn your head
towards your left and then to your right. Do this 2 to 3 times whenever
someone offers you food
not possible to exercise in the morning hours?
Answer: I would suggest just a very easy exercise. Just turn your head
towards your left and then to your right. Do this 2 to 3 times whenever
someone offers you food
Guys in the IT field...!!!
1.) U use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your doodhwalla, U say, "His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"
2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.
3.) U drink more tea or coffee than water.
4.) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)
5.) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive the call.
6.) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.
7.) U haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.
8.) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future will be girls in HR.
9.) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.
10.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.
11) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.
13.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your mail is not going.
14.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.
15.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.
16.)U r too busy to notice there was no line no. 12
17.)U r not sure so u scroll back check it .
18.)And now u r smiling
2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.
3.) U drink more tea or coffee than water.
4.) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)
5.) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive the call.
6.) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.
7.) U haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.
8.) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future will be girls in HR.
9.) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.
10.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.
11) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.
13.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your mail is not going.
14.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.
15.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.
16.)U r too busy to notice there was no line no. 12
17.)U r not sure so u scroll back check it .
18.)And now u r smiling
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Target
A MAN WAS SLEEPING IN HIS HOUSE.
SUDDENLY GOD APPEARED & SAID, "GO OUT & ENJOY.
NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS."
HE DID SO & MET WITH AN ACCIDENT & DIED.
IN HEAVEN, HE ASKED GOD, WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME.
GOD REPLIED," SORRY SON, Appraisal time , HAD TO ACHIEVE TARGET.. "
SUDDENLY GOD APPEARED & SAID, "GO OUT & ENJOY.
NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS."
HE DID SO & MET WITH AN ACCIDENT & DIED.
IN HEAVEN, HE ASKED GOD, WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME.
GOD REPLIED," SORRY SON, Appraisal time , HAD TO ACHIEVE TARGET.. "
Hair Cut
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After
the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo,
manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he
said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still
hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's
forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up,
took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get
a free haircut!'"
the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo,
manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he
said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still
hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's
forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up,
took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get
a free haircut!'"
Monday, October 17, 2005
Confusion
Confusion confuses and creates confusion to the extra confusion
Conversation of William Knott and Mr. Watt.
"Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
"Watt."
"What is your name, please?"
"Watt's my name."
"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
"No, this is Knott."
"Please tell me your name."
"Will Knott."
YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED. READ
THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...
"Why not?"
"Huh? What do you mean why not?"
"Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
"But I told you my name!"
"Didn't you say you will not?"
"Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
"That's what I mean."
"So you know my name."
"Of course not!"
"Good. So now, what is yours?"
"Watt. Yours?"
"Your name!"
"Watt's my name."
"How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"
"Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have
not even told me yours yet." "You have been patient, what about me?" "I
have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me
yours yet."
"Of course not!"
"See, you even know my name!"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"
"Because I don't."
[Pause]
"What is your name?"
"See, you know my name!"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you keep asking ,Watt, is your name?"
"To find out your name!"
"But you already know it!"
"What?"
"See, but you know mine!"
"Of course not!"
"Exactly!"
NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS THEIR NAME, BUT
THEY THEMSELVES DON'T KNOW THE OTHER'S NAME.
"Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be
your answer?"
"Watt's my name."
"No, no, give me only one word."
"Watt"
"Your name!"
"Right!"
[Pause before it hits him]
"Oh, Wright!"
"Yeah!"
"So why didn't you say it before?"
"I told you so many times!"
"You never said Wright before"
"Of course I did."
"Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"
"I do not."
"Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."
"I do not!"
"Good!"
[Pause before it hits him]
"Oh, Guud!"
"Good."
"No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"
"No, it's Knott!"
"Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."
"Yes Wright."
NOW THEY BOTH THINK THEY KNOW EACH OTHER'S NAME AS WELL !!
Fwd By: Bharath
Conversation of William Knott and Mr. Watt.
"Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
"Watt."
"What is your name, please?"
"Watt's my name."
"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
"No, this is Knott."
"Please tell me your name."
"Will Knott."
YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED. READ
THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...
"Why not?"
"Huh? What do you mean why not?"
"Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
"But I told you my name!"
"Didn't you say you will not?"
"Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
"That's what I mean."
"So you know my name."
"Of course not!"
"Good. So now, what is yours?"
"Watt. Yours?"
"Your name!"
"Watt's my name."
"How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"
"Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have
not even told me yours yet." "You have been patient, what about me?" "I
have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me
yours yet."
"Of course not!"
"See, you even know my name!"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"
"Because I don't."
[Pause]
"What is your name?"
"See, you know my name!"
"Of course not!"
"Then why do you keep asking ,Watt, is your name?"
"To find out your name!"
"But you already know it!"
"What?"
"See, but you know mine!"
"Of course not!"
"Exactly!"
NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS THEIR NAME, BUT
THEY THEMSELVES DON'T KNOW THE OTHER'S NAME.
"Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be
your answer?"
"Watt's my name."
"No, no, give me only one word."
"Watt"
"Your name!"
"Right!"
[Pause before it hits him]
"Oh, Wright!"
"Yeah!"
"So why didn't you say it before?"
"I told you so many times!"
"You never said Wright before"
"Of course I did."
"Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"
"I do not."
"Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."
"I do not!"
"Good!"
[Pause before it hits him]
"Oh, Guud!"
"Good."
"No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"
"No, it's Knott!"
"Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."
"Yes Wright."
NOW THEY BOTH THINK THEY KNOW EACH OTHER'S NAME AS WELL !!
Fwd By: Bharath
The Wonders of water
The Wonders of water... Amazing! But True! Find out for yourself.
6 glasses of water (1.5 liters). Without spending on medicine, tablets,
injections, diagnosis, Doctor fees, etc., just by drinking pure water, the
following diseases will be cured. You can never believe before practising.
Diseases cured by Drinking water:
1. Headache
2. Blood Pressure/Hyper Tension
3. Anemia (Blood Shortage)
4. Rheumatism (Pain in joints/muscles)
5. General Paralysis
6. Obesity
7. Arthritis
8. Sinusitis
9. Tachycardia
10. Giddiness
11. Cough (Khansi)
12. Asthma
13. Bronchitis
14. Pulmonary Tuberculosis (T.B.)
15. Meningitis
16. Kidney stones
17. Urogenital disease
18. Hyper-acidity
19. Gastroenteritis
20. Dysentery
21. Rectal Piodapse
22. Constipation (Kabj)
23. Hostorthobics
24. Diabetes (Madhumeh)
25. Eye diseases
26. Ophthalmic Haemorrage & Ophthalmia (reddish eye)
27. Irregular Menstruation
28. Leukemia (white Blood)
29. Uterine cancer
30. Breast cancer
31. Laryngitis
How to do this water therapy?
1. Early morning after you get up from bed (without even brushing your
teeth) drink 1.50 liters of water i.e., 5 to 6 glasses. Better to
premeasure 1.50 liters of water. Let us all know that our ancestors termed
this therapy as "Usha Paana Chikitsa". You may wash your face thereafter.
2. Here it is very essential to note that nothing else, neither drinks nor
solid food of any sort should be taken within 1 hour before and after
drinking these 1.50 liters of water.
3. It is also to be strictly observed that no alcoholic drinks should be
taken the previous night.
4. If required, boiled and filtered water may be used for this purpose. Is
it possible to drink 1.50 liters of water at one time? To begin with, one
may find it difficult to drink 1.50 liters of water at one time, but one
will get used to it gradually. Initially, while practising you may drink
four glasses first and the balance two glasses after a gap of two minutes.
Initially you may find the necessity to urinate 2 to 3 times within an
hour, but it will become normal after sometime.
By research and experience, the following diseases are observed to be
cured with this therapy within the indicated days as below:
Constipation 1 day
Acidity 2 days
Diabetes 7 days
BP & Hypertension 4 weeks
Cancer 4 weeks
Pulmonary TB 3 months.
Note: It is advised that persons suffering from A rthritis or Rheumatism
should practise this therapy thrice a day, i.e., morning, midday and
night, 1 hours before meals - for one week; and twice a day subsequently
till the disease is cured.
How does pure water act?
Consuming ordinary drinking water by the right method purifies the human
body. It renders the colon more effective by forming new fresh blood,
known in medical terms as Haematopaises. That the mucousal folds of the
colon and intestines are activated by this method, is an undisputed fact,
just as the theory that the mucousal fold produces new fresh blood. If the
colon is cleaned then the nutrients of the food taken several times a day
will be absorbed and by the action of the mucousal folds they are turned
into fresh blood. The blood is all-important in curing ailments and
restoring health, and for this water should be consumed in a regular
pattern.
Fwd by: Thiyaghu R
6 glasses of water (1.5 liters). Without spending on medicine, tablets,
injections, diagnosis, Doctor fees, etc., just by drinking pure water, the
following diseases will be cured. You can never believe before practising.
Diseases cured by Drinking water:
1. Headache
2. Blood Pressure/Hyper Tension
3. Anemia (Blood Shortage)
4. Rheumatism (Pain in joints/muscles)
5. General Paralysis
6. Obesity
7. Arthritis
8. Sinusitis
9. Tachycardia
10. Giddiness
11. Cough (Khansi)
12. Asthma
13. Bronchitis
14. Pulmonary Tuberculosis (T.B.)
15. Meningitis
16. Kidney stones
17. Urogenital disease
18. Hyper-acidity
19. Gastroenteritis
20. Dysentery
21. Rectal Piodapse
22. Constipation (Kabj)
23. Hostorthobics
24. Diabetes (Madhumeh)
25. Eye diseases
26. Ophthalmic Haemorrage & Ophthalmia (reddish eye)
27. Irregular Menstruation
28. Leukemia (white Blood)
29. Uterine cancer
30. Breast cancer
31. Laryngitis
How to do this water therapy?
1. Early morning after you get up from bed (without even brushing your
teeth) drink 1.50 liters of water i.e., 5 to 6 glasses. Better to
premeasure 1.50 liters of water. Let us all know that our ancestors termed
this therapy as "Usha Paana Chikitsa". You may wash your face thereafter.
2. Here it is very essential to note that nothing else, neither drinks nor
solid food of any sort should be taken within 1 hour before and after
drinking these 1.50 liters of water.
3. It is also to be strictly observed that no alcoholic drinks should be
taken the previous night.
4. If required, boiled and filtered water may be used for this purpose. Is
it possible to drink 1.50 liters of water at one time? To begin with, one
may find it difficult to drink 1.50 liters of water at one time, but one
will get used to it gradually. Initially, while practising you may drink
four glasses first and the balance two glasses after a gap of two minutes.
Initially you may find the necessity to urinate 2 to 3 times within an
hour, but it will become normal after sometime.
By research and experience, the following diseases are observed to be
cured with this therapy within the indicated days as below:
Constipation 1 day
Acidity 2 days
Diabetes 7 days
BP & Hypertension 4 weeks
Cancer 4 weeks
Pulmonary TB 3 months.
Note: It is advised that persons suffering from A rthritis or Rheumatism
should practise this therapy thrice a day, i.e., morning, midday and
night, 1 hours before meals - for one week; and twice a day subsequently
till the disease is cured.
How does pure water act?
Consuming ordinary drinking water by the right method purifies the human
body. It renders the colon more effective by forming new fresh blood,
known in medical terms as Haematopaises. That the mucousal folds of the
colon and intestines are activated by this method, is an undisputed fact,
just as the theory that the mucousal fold produces new fresh blood. If the
colon is cleaned then the nutrients of the food taken several times a day
will be absorbed and by the action of the mucousal folds they are turned
into fresh blood. The blood is all-important in curing ailments and
restoring health, and for this water should be consumed in a regular
pattern.
Fwd by: Thiyaghu R
Life is precious. Handle it with care
Sanjay, a rich guy, loved fast cars and he did have a few in his
possession. He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking
speed limits. Many a times he was caught by the cops and speed radars,
fined, but still he never bothered until.
One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw a cop
following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop and
checked his license. He then took out his pad and started Writing, and
then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.
How much was this one going to cost?!!!
Wait a minute.
What was this???? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.
Sanjay began to read:
"Dear Sanjay,
Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.
A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his
three daughters. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until
Heaven, before I can ever hug her again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I
thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now.
Pray for me.. And be careful, Sanjay, my son is all I have left."
Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and head down
the road. He watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too,
pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a
surprised wife and kids when he arrived.
Life is precious. Handle it with care.
possession. He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking
speed limits. Many a times he was caught by the cops and speed radars,
fined, but still he never bothered until.
One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw a cop
following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop and
checked his license. He then took out his pad and started Writing, and
then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.
How much was this one going to cost?!!!
Wait a minute.
What was this???? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.
Sanjay began to read:
"Dear Sanjay,
Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.
A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his
three daughters. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until
Heaven, before I can ever hug her again.
A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I
thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now.
Pray for me.. And be careful, Sanjay, my son is all I have left."
Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and head down
the road. He watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too,
pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a
surprised wife and kids when he arrived.
Life is precious. Handle it with care.
Todays SMS
When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to free u from darkness and if after you pray and your still in darkness,
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
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please
please
please please
please please
please please
please please
please
please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
then
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please
please
please
please please
please please
please please
please please
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please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !
An Earthquake Survival Guide
Earthquakes don’t kill, unsafe buildings do
Earthquakes do not cause death – buildings do. Falling heavy objects or collapsing of walls and roofs hurt people. The collapsing walls and the vibrations can cause short-circuiting of live electric wires and cause electric fires. A burning gas stove left to its self too can cause fire.
It's how we decorate the interior and exterior of the buildings that kills and injures most people in an earthquake. Even when there is building collapse, victims are rescued in what are called "void spaces". These spaces are usually around heavy furnishings such as desks and tables. Another interesting fact is that about one-third of all injuries occur to leg bones, due to people running during the shaking. To increase your likelihood of surviving any size quake, Drop, Cover and Hold under a desk or table within the first three to four seconds of shaking. Stay there until the shaking stops.
What to do During an Earthquake
Keep calm and keep others calm. Do not panic, it will never help. The best thing to do as soon as you are aware of the fact that you are in the midst of a quake is to rush to an open space quickly.
If you are at home or inside a building crouch under big tables, the frame of an inner door, in the comer of a room or even under a bed. Never use the lifts. Keep well away from windows, mirrors, chimneys and furniture. Stand next to a solid object only, which can withstand any fall and not likely to get crushed easily.
If you are in the street, walk towards an open place, in a calm and composed manner. Do not run and do not wander round the streets. Keep away from buildings, especially old ones, tall or detached buildings, electricity wires and poles, slopes and walls that are liable to collapse.
If you are driving, stop the vehicle immediately but take care not to park close to a building, wall, slopes, electricity wires, and cables. Stay inside the vehicle.
Earthquake Survival tips
Fwd By: Sivaraj
Earthquakes do not cause death – buildings do. Falling heavy objects or collapsing of walls and roofs hurt people. The collapsing walls and the vibrations can cause short-circuiting of live electric wires and cause electric fires. A burning gas stove left to its self too can cause fire.
It's how we decorate the interior and exterior of the buildings that kills and injures most people in an earthquake. Even when there is building collapse, victims are rescued in what are called "void spaces". These spaces are usually around heavy furnishings such as desks and tables. Another interesting fact is that about one-third of all injuries occur to leg bones, due to people running during the shaking. To increase your likelihood of surviving any size quake, Drop, Cover and Hold under a desk or table within the first three to four seconds of shaking. Stay there until the shaking stops.
What to do During an Earthquake
Keep calm and keep others calm. Do not panic, it will never help. The best thing to do as soon as you are aware of the fact that you are in the midst of a quake is to rush to an open space quickly.
If you are at home or inside a building crouch under big tables, the frame of an inner door, in the comer of a room or even under a bed. Never use the lifts. Keep well away from windows, mirrors, chimneys and furniture. Stand next to a solid object only, which can withstand any fall and not likely to get crushed easily.
If you are in the street, walk towards an open place, in a calm and composed manner. Do not run and do not wander round the streets. Keep away from buildings, especially old ones, tall or detached buildings, electricity wires and poles, slopes and walls that are liable to collapse.
If you are driving, stop the vehicle immediately but take care not to park close to a building, wall, slopes, electricity wires, and cables. Stay inside the vehicle.
Earthquake Survival tips
Fwd By: Sivaraj
Friday, October 14, 2005
Humor
1. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes,
and I can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom
2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman
that even a bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe
3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success! -- Doug Larson
4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! -- Eric Bolton
5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. -- Erno Philips
6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul
7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching
them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. --
Phyllis Diller
8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge
9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields
10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. --
Will Rogers
11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work
out,you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney
12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job,
not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the
same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen
13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to
marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner
14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-- Woody Allen
15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish
we didn't. -- Erica Jong
16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. --
Elbert Hubbard
17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to
use. -- Wendell Johnson
18. In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife
found out. -- Joey Adams
19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife
finds out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman
20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are
already born ? -- Benny Hill
and I can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom
2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman
that even a bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe
3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success! -- Doug Larson
4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! -- Eric Bolton
5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. -- Erno Philips
6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul
7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching
them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. --
Phyllis Diller
8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge
9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields
10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. --
Will Rogers
11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work
out,you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney
12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job,
not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the
same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen
13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to
marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner
14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-- Woody Allen
15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish
we didn't. -- Erica Jong
16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. --
Elbert Hubbard
17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to
use. -- Wendell Johnson
18. In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife
found out. -- Joey Adams
19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife
finds out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman
20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are
already born ? -- Benny Hill
Joke
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and sure enough,
she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
The blonde gets very angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun
but as she does, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells, "NO,
honey, don't do it!"
The blonde replies "Shut up, you're next."
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and sure enough,
she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
The blonde gets very angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun
but as she does, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells, "NO,
honey, don't do it!"
The blonde replies "Shut up, you're next."
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.
First Soldier: Why did you join the army?
Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How
about you? Why did you join the army?
First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.
First Soldier: Why did you join the army?
Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How
about you? Why did you join the army?
First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.
Jokes
STUDENT: But I don't think I deserve a zero on this exam.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level
Girl: What did you get that little medal for?
Boy: For singing
Girl: What did you get the big one for?
Boy: For stopping!
A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground where he can measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We needed to know the height, and he gave us the length!"
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil 'till I get there
Why did your sister separate the thread from the needle ?
Because the needle had something in it's eye.
Billy: Do you write with your right or left hand?
Joel: My left hand.
Billy: Wrong! You write with a pencil!
Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!
Student: What does it do?
Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!
Student: What is it called?
Mad Professor: It's called a window.
TEACHER: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
FATHER: How are your grades, son?
SON: Under water, Dad.
FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?
SON: They're below C level
Girl: What did you get that little medal for?
Boy: For singing
Girl: What did you get the big one for?
Boy: For stopping!
A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground where he can measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We needed to know the height, and he gave us the length!"
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil 'till I get there
Why did your sister separate the thread from the needle ?
Because the needle had something in it's eye.
Billy: Do you write with your right or left hand?
Joel: My left hand.
Billy: Wrong! You write with a pencil!
Mad Professor: I have made a new invention!
Student: What does it do?
Mad Professor: It allows people to look through brick walls!
Student: What is it called?
Mad Professor: It's called a window.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
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A P J Abdul Kalam
Scientists at the Rocket launching station in Thumba, were in the habit of working for nearly 12 to 18 hours a day. There were about Seventy such scientists working on a project. All the scientists were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.
His boss replied - O K, , You are permitted to leave the office early today.
The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 p.m
Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children. He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home.
Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.
He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him.
His wife asked him - Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.
The man replied - If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children???
Wife replied- You don't know - Your manager came at 5 15 p.m and has taken the children to the exhibition.
What had really happened was
The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 p.m. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition
The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is established.
That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was????????
He was A P J Abdul Kalam
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.
His boss replied - O K, , You are permitted to leave the office early today.
The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 p.m
Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children. He looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home.
Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.
He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him.
His wife asked him - Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.
The man replied - If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children???
Wife replied- You don't know - Your manager came at 5 15 p.m and has taken the children to the exhibition.
What had really happened was
The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 p.m. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition
The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is established.
That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was????????
He was A P J Abdul Kalam
Failures are the pillars of Success
# A candidate for a news broadcasters post was rejected by officials since his voice was not fit for a news broadcaster. He was also told that with his obnoxiously long name, he would never be famous.
- He is Amitabh Bachchan.
# A small boy - the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father, was selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living. He was not exceptionally smart at school but was fascinated by religion and rockets. The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built crashed multiple times and he was made a butt of ridicule. He is the
person to have scripted the Space Odyssey of India single-handedly
- Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.
# In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Deccan recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- The group was called The Beatles.
# In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modelling Agency told modelling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married." She went on and became
- Marilyn Monroe.
# In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere....son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck." He went on to become
- Elvis Presley.
# When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
# When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making
a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?"
# In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the country. They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid company, to purchase the rights to his invention -- an electrostatic paper copying process.
- Haloid became Xerox Corporation.
# A little girl - the 20th of 22 children, was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralysed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won a race. And then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl -Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three Olympic gold medals.
# A school teacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics and for not being able to solve simple problems. She told him that you would not become anybody in life.
-The boy was Albert Einstein.
The Moral of the above :
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot
do. And remember, the finest steel gets sent through the hottest furnace.
"failures are the pillars of success!"
- He is Amitabh Bachchan.
# A small boy - the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father, was selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living. He was not exceptionally smart at school but was fascinated by religion and rockets. The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built crashed multiple times and he was made a butt of ridicule. He is the
person to have scripted the Space Odyssey of India single-handedly
- Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.
# In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Deccan recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- The group was called The Beatles.
# In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modelling Agency told modelling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married." She went on and became
- Marilyn Monroe.
# In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere....son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck." He went on to become
- Elvis Presley.
# When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
# When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making
a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?"
# In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the country. They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid company, to purchase the rights to his invention -- an electrostatic paper copying process.
- Haloid became Xerox Corporation.
# A little girl - the 20th of 22 children, was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralysed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won a race. And then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl -Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three Olympic gold medals.
# A school teacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics and for not being able to solve simple problems. She told him that you would not become anybody in life.
-The boy was Albert Einstein.
The Moral of the above :
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot
do. And remember, the finest steel gets sent through the hottest furnace.
"failures are the pillars of success!"
Interesting Facts
"Adcomsubordcomphibspac" is the longest acronym. It is a Navy term standing
for Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate
Command.
"Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, La Allah Il Allah, La Allah Il Allah U Mohammed
Rassul Allah" is heard by more people than any other sound of the human
voice. This is the prayer recited by muezzins from each of the four corners
of the prayer tower as Moslems all over the world face toward Mecca and
kneel at sunset. It means: "God is great. There is no God but God, and
Mohammed is the prophet of God."
"Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in
alphabetical order.
"Aromatherapy" is a term coined by French chemist René Maurice Gattefossé in
the 1920's to describe the practice of using essential oils taken from
plants, flowers, roots, seeds, etc., in healing.
"Asthma" and "isthmi" are the only six-letter words that begin and end with
a vowel and have no other vowels between.
"Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson was the first video to air on MTV by a
black artist.
"Conservationalists" & "Conversationalists" (18 letters) are the longest
non-scientific transposals (word formed from another by changing its
letters).
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
"Duff" is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor.
"Fickleheaded" and "fiddledeedee" are the longest words consisting only of
letters in the first half of the alphabet.
"Flushable" toilets were in use in ancient Rome.
"Fortnight" is a contraction of "fourteen nights." In the US "two weeks" is
more commonly used.
"Forty" is the only number which has its letters in alphabetical order.
"One" is the only number with its letters in reverse alphabetical order.
"Four" is the only number whose number of letters in the name equals the
number.
"Hang on Sloopy" is the official rock song of Ohio.
"Happy Birthday" was the first song to be performed in outer space, sung by
the Apollo IX astronauts on March 8, 1969.
""Kemo Sabe, meaning an all knowing one, is actually a mispronunciation by
Native American of the Spanish phrase, Quien lo Sabe, meaning one who
knows."
"Long in the tooth," meaning "old," was originally used to describe horses.
As horses age, their gums recede, giving the impression that their teeth are
growing. The longer the teeth look, the older the horse.
"Lunula" is the tip of the finger and toenail that is white. It is called
this this (referring to the moon) because the end of the nail is rounded
like the moon.
"Ma is as selfless as I am" can be read the same way backwards. If you take
away all the spaces you can see that all the letters can be spelled out both
ways.
"Mad About You" star Paul Reiser plays the piano on the show's theme song.
"One thousand" contains the letter A, but none of the words from one to nine
hundred ninety-nine has an A.
"Ough" can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence
contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the
streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.
"Rhythms" is the longest English word without the normal vowels, a, e, i, o,
or u.
"Second string," meaning "replacement or backup," comes from the middle
ages. An archer always carried a second string in case the one on his bow
broke.
"Speak of the Devil" is short for "Speak of the Devil and he shall come". It
was believed that if you spoke about the Devil it would attract his
attention. That's why when you're talking about someone and they show up
people say "Speak of the Devil."
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left
hand.
"Tautonyms" are scientific names for which the genus and species are the
same.
"Taxi" is spelled exactly the same in English, French, German, Swedish, and
Portuguese.
"Teh" means "cool" in Thai. (Pronounced "tay").
"The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest
tongue twister in English.
"THEREIN" is a seven-letter word that contains thirteen words spelled using
consecutive letters: the, he, her, er, here, I, there, ere, rein, re, in,
therein, and herein.
"Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends
with the letters "und."
$203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.
1 and 2 are the only numbers where they are values of the numbers of the
factors they have.
1 in 5,000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue.
1 kg (2.2 pounds) of lemons contain more sugar than 1 kg of strawberries.
1,525,000,000 miles of telephone wire are strung across the Unites States.
1.7 litres of saliva is produced each day. In Discovery Channel, its a
quart.
10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.
10% of human dry weight comes from bacteria
11% of the world is left-handed.
111, 111, 111 X 111, 111, 111 = 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321
1200 equals 1 pound (72 rupees).
123,000,000 cars are being driven on highways in the United States.
166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the United States.
1959's A Raisin in the Sun was the first play by a black woman to be
produced on Broadway.
2 and 5 are the only prime numbers that end in 2 or 5.
203 million dollars is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.
22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong bank accounts in the next
hour.
23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them
and photocopying their buttocks.
25% of a human's bones are in its feet.
259200 people die every day.
27% of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential
hell."
3% of all mammals are monogamous
315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
315 words in the 1996 Webster's dictionary were mispelled.
4 tablespoons of ketchup has about the same amount of nutrition as a ripe
tomato.
40% of all people who come to a party snoop in your medicine cabinet.
40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
43.7% of all statistics are made up right on the spot
48% of astronauts experience motion sickness.
52% of Americans drink coffee.
55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.
56,000,000 people go to Major League baseball games each year
67 million pounds of pesticides and about 3 million tons of fertilizer are
used annually on lawns in the US.
78 rpm albums, used prior to 1948, were only capable of recording for four
minutes. It wasn't until later that year that Columbia Records introduced 33
rpm albums capable of playing 23 minutes per side.
80% of animals on earth are insects.
80% of arrested criminals are male.
In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was
named Yensid, which is Disney spelled backward.
By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into
quicksand.
One in ten people live on an island.
84% of a raw apple is water.
It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to
begin with.
85% of men who die of heartattacks during intercourse, are found to have
been cheating on their wives.
85,000,000 tons of paper are used in the United States each year.
28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike
contest.
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson", Humphrey Bogart
NEVER said "Play it again, Sam" in Casablanca, and they NEVER said "Beam me
up, Scotty" on Star Trek.
90% of bird species are monogamous; only 3% of animals are.
90% of New York City cab drivers are recently arrived immigrants.
98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the
victim.
98% of the weight of water is made up from oxygen.
99% of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as jack-o-lanterns
Sent by : Ashok Kumar G
for Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate
Command.
"Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, La Allah Il Allah, La Allah Il Allah U Mohammed
Rassul Allah" is heard by more people than any other sound of the human
voice. This is the prayer recited by muezzins from each of the four corners
of the prayer tower as Moslems all over the world face toward Mecca and
kneel at sunset. It means: "God is great. There is no God but God, and
Mohammed is the prophet of God."
"Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in
alphabetical order.
"Aromatherapy" is a term coined by French chemist René Maurice Gattefossé in
the 1920's to describe the practice of using essential oils taken from
plants, flowers, roots, seeds, etc., in healing.
"Asthma" and "isthmi" are the only six-letter words that begin and end with
a vowel and have no other vowels between.
"Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson was the first video to air on MTV by a
black artist.
"Conservationalists" & "Conversationalists" (18 letters) are the longest
non-scientific transposals (word formed from another by changing its
letters).
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
"Duff" is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor.
"Fickleheaded" and "fiddledeedee" are the longest words consisting only of
letters in the first half of the alphabet.
"Flushable" toilets were in use in ancient Rome.
"Fortnight" is a contraction of "fourteen nights." In the US "two weeks" is
more commonly used.
"Forty" is the only number which has its letters in alphabetical order.
"One" is the only number with its letters in reverse alphabetical order.
"Four" is the only number whose number of letters in the name equals the
number.
"Hang on Sloopy" is the official rock song of Ohio.
"Happy Birthday" was the first song to be performed in outer space, sung by
the Apollo IX astronauts on March 8, 1969.
""Kemo Sabe, meaning an all knowing one, is actually a mispronunciation by
Native American of the Spanish phrase, Quien lo Sabe, meaning one who
knows."
"Long in the tooth," meaning "old," was originally used to describe horses.
As horses age, their gums recede, giving the impression that their teeth are
growing. The longer the teeth look, the older the horse.
"Lunula" is the tip of the finger and toenail that is white. It is called
this this (referring to the moon) because the end of the nail is rounded
like the moon.
"Ma is as selfless as I am" can be read the same way backwards. If you take
away all the spaces you can see that all the letters can be spelled out both
ways.
"Mad About You" star Paul Reiser plays the piano on the show's theme song.
"One thousand" contains the letter A, but none of the words from one to nine
hundred ninety-nine has an A.
"Ough" can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence
contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the
streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.
"Rhythms" is the longest English word without the normal vowels, a, e, i, o,
or u.
"Second string," meaning "replacement or backup," comes from the middle
ages. An archer always carried a second string in case the one on his bow
broke.
"Speak of the Devil" is short for "Speak of the Devil and he shall come". It
was believed that if you spoke about the Devil it would attract his
attention. That's why when you're talking about someone and they show up
people say "Speak of the Devil."
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left
hand.
"Tautonyms" are scientific names for which the genus and species are the
same.
"Taxi" is spelled exactly the same in English, French, German, Swedish, and
Portuguese.
"Teh" means "cool" in Thai. (Pronounced "tay").
"The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest
tongue twister in English.
"THEREIN" is a seven-letter word that contains thirteen words spelled using
consecutive letters: the, he, her, er, here, I, there, ere, rein, re, in,
therein, and herein.
"Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends
with the letters "und."
$203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.
1 and 2 are the only numbers where they are values of the numbers of the
factors they have.
1 in 5,000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue.
1 kg (2.2 pounds) of lemons contain more sugar than 1 kg of strawberries.
1,525,000,000 miles of telephone wire are strung across the Unites States.
1.7 litres of saliva is produced each day. In Discovery Channel, its a
quart.
10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.
10% of human dry weight comes from bacteria
11% of the world is left-handed.
111, 111, 111 X 111, 111, 111 = 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321
1200 equals 1 pound (72 rupees).
123,000,000 cars are being driven on highways in the United States.
166,875,000,000 pieces of mail are delivered each year in the United States.
1959's A Raisin in the Sun was the first play by a black woman to be
produced on Broadway.
2 and 5 are the only prime numbers that end in 2 or 5.
203 million dollars is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.
22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong bank accounts in the next
hour.
23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them
and photocopying their buttocks.
25% of a human's bones are in its feet.
259200 people die every day.
27% of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential
hell."
3% of all mammals are monogamous
315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
315 words in the 1996 Webster's dictionary were mispelled.
4 tablespoons of ketchup has about the same amount of nutrition as a ripe
tomato.
40% of all people who come to a party snoop in your medicine cabinet.
40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
43.7% of all statistics are made up right on the spot
48% of astronauts experience motion sickness.
52% of Americans drink coffee.
55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.
56,000,000 people go to Major League baseball games each year
67 million pounds of pesticides and about 3 million tons of fertilizer are
used annually on lawns in the US.
78 rpm albums, used prior to 1948, were only capable of recording for four
minutes. It wasn't until later that year that Columbia Records introduced 33
rpm albums capable of playing 23 minutes per side.
80% of animals on earth are insects.
80% of arrested criminals are male.
In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was
named Yensid, which is Disney spelled backward.
By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into
quicksand.
One in ten people live on an island.
84% of a raw apple is water.
It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to
begin with.
85% of men who die of heartattacks during intercourse, are found to have
been cheating on their wives.
85,000,000 tons of paper are used in the United States each year.
28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike
contest.
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson", Humphrey Bogart
NEVER said "Play it again, Sam" in Casablanca, and they NEVER said "Beam me
up, Scotty" on Star Trek.
90% of bird species are monogamous; only 3% of animals are.
90% of New York City cab drivers are recently arrived immigrants.
98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the
victim.
98% of the weight of water is made up from oxygen.
99% of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as jack-o-lanterns
Sent by : Ashok Kumar G
Good Story
A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During
some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped
the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt,
but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis,
where they decided to take a bath. The one who
had been slapped got stuck in the mire and
started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near
drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him,
"After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone,
why?" The other friend replied "When someone
hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds
of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone
does something good for us, we must engrave
it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND T O CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.
some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped
the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt,
but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis,
where they decided to take a bath. The one who
had been slapped got stuck in the mire and
started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near
drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him,
"After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone,
why?" The other friend replied "When someone
hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds
of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone
does something good for us, we must engrave
it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND T O CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
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