Quotes

"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." -- Harriet Beecher Stowe

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, Live the life you've imagined.-- Henry David Thoreau

If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! -- Jonathan Winters

What does not kill me makes me stronger. -- JohannWolfgang von Goethe*

We all have ability. The difference is how we use it. -- Stevie Wonder

Todays Pic

Confusion

A man comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming in pain "Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

MAN: "Oh! it happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree"

DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."

MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts"

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):"Which one?"

MAN (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."

Urban Warriors

A Texan, a New Yorker, and a Bostonian are sitting together in a bar in the Yukon. The Texan tosses back
his shot of tequila, throws the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it to pieces. The
other two, shocked, just stare at the Texan. He explains, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila."

The New Yorker, not to be outdone, finishes his glass of wine, tosses the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it apart. "Where I come from," he explains, "we have plenty of fine wine."

The Boston guy slowly drinks the last drop of his beer, tosses the empty bottle in the air, pulls out a
gun, and shoots the New Yorker between the eyes. He then catches the bottle on the way down. "Where I come from," he says slowly, "we never waste booze—and we have plenty of New Yorkers."

Computer Friends

Somehow in this great big world
I found my way to you
My friend across the computer lines
My heart, my soul, that's who. *


You try to make me smile
With the mail you send my way.
You never fail to drop a line
Each and every day.*


Whenever I have hurried home
With something, I must share,
I find it just so comforting
That you are always there.*


Encouragement you give me
And a friendship that is true.
I'm glad my soul while reaching out
Found someone just like you!*

Quotes

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
*-- Ralph Waldo Emerson*

"Act as though what you do makes a difference. It does."
*-- William James*

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing that you will make one."
*-- Ellen Hubbard*

"One can make a day of any size, and regulate the rising and the setting of his own sun and the brightness of its shining."
*-- John Muir*

"It is impossible to win the great prizes of life without running risks."
*-- Theodore Roosevelt*

Insults

Tough Luck

Sincere Apology: If u dont like
any of my SMS n dont like 2 read,
then plz dont hesitate, feel free
to..... throw ur mobile!!

Doggone

After engagement : Superman
After Marriage : Gentleman
After 10 years : Watchman
After 20 years : Doberman

Joker

Sorry 4 disturbing u.
can u fax me ur photo,
its very urgent,
serious matter has
comeup actually,
we r playing cards
and I lost the joker


Monkey

What happened 2 ur network?
I tried 2 call u but the operator
said "Welcome 2 the jungle,
the monkey u r trying to call is
on the tree....Plz try later."


Brainless

Scientists all over the world
r wondering how long a human
being can live without a brain...
Kindly tell them ur age.

Todays Pic

Is it that difficult to spell Indian name?

A Indian guy named Anantharaman Subbaraman arrived at the Kuwait airport and ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs for the authorities to call his name, he got fedup and went to them and asked why they havent called his name yet.

They said that they have been calling his as 'Anotherman Superman'

Juggler

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it."

The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives.

Another man driving by slows down to watch.

"Wow,"says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!

Memory Pulse

We are unable to memorize many things and get bogged down. Memorize everything in seconds
Rrrr. Can't save! Panic. The disk has an error, its memory space is skipping.

The computer is down. Similarly small things slip out of our memory bank. Error? Lack of storage space? No. They are kept somewhere in the subconscious mind. Only we have not filed them in a systematic manner, claim the experts. With umpteen books and lots more on the net, solutions for memorizing are aplenty, especially during exams.

From childhood we have been associating things. For instance a small child sees his father's face to call him papa. The conclusion: we are able to remember pictorial things more than abstract ones.

Let's start with the brain's two parts:


Left Brain Controls Right Brain Rules
Logical thinking
Calculation
Sequencing
Fantasies
Imagination
Color
When both these work in harmony, a genius is born, states Mahesh Kapadia, another memory expert.


There's a small memory test you can perform to check your capabilities before you embark on a memorizing spree. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in your bedroom. Now starting from the wall on your right, try to visualize everything in the room. You know exactly where each and everything is placed. Isn't it incredible? You are so familiar with things that you can remember them blindfolded.

a basic scheme to memorize things in a proper way:
Association
Thoughts
Confidence
Pictures
Concentration
Oddities
Color
Sex
Exaggeration
Power of senses


HOW TO DEVELOP THESE QUALITIES
Let's begin with association. Pick any ten words at random. Now you can connect them with a story. And then go back into your memory bank and you'll find them in the order you had kept them.

To learn anything we need to learn a language. Similarly to learn a memory language, you need to learn the memory language alphabets, known as codes. There are 100 basic codes. What exactly is this memory code? These are pictures given to numbers 1 to 100. For instance, 1 is for sun, 2 is shoe.

Then there is the Number Rhyme Method. We can adopt pronunciation-rhyming words. For number two we can take shoe or zoo, to whichever we relate better. To remember better visualize two shirts with the imprint of a shoe.

Then you connect certain numbers with images. For the number one looks like a hockey stick. Then you can connect number with quantity. For instance, number 12 can be associated with dozen. And even connect numbers with important years in your life or history.

If things are still tough, then you can relate numbers to specific alphabets. For instance 61 is A. Immediately you relate A to apple and from there to 61.

Now you are on the road to a better memory. So adopt a technique to systematic learning. Take regular breaks. It's a myth that longer learning sessions enhance memorizing power. Relax after every 50 minutes.

Drink lots of water. Keep a glass of water by your side to keep you alert.

Revise the material after 24 hours and do the second revision after seven days. The third revision could even be after three months.

Try and learn the same thing in the place you first learnt it in. It makes it easier to recall.

Concentrate and learn but don't force yourself.

Since you're fully geared to activate your memory pulse, why don't you start right now.

X Ray Fun

Quotes

"No bird soars too high if he soars on his own wings."
*-- William Blake*

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
*-- Les Brown*

"Genius is 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration."
*-- Thomas Edison*

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual
who can labour in freedom."
*-- Albert Einstein*

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to
what lies within."
*--Ralph Waldo Emerson*

Insults

Fool

Earth may stop Rotating,
Birds may stop Flying,
Candles may stop Melting,
Fishes may stop Swimming,
Heart may stop Beating,
But your Brain will
never start working!

Lunatic

I've written nice poem 4 you.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star..
you should Know What you R..
& Once you Know What you R..
Mental Hospital is not So Far..


Dead Fool
Why are Egyptian's Children always confused??
Coz after death, their DADDY becomes the MUMMY.

Mental
My friend, the best quality
that I like about u is that,
U R very sentimental ....
10% Senti and 90% Mental..!

Animal
Birds love you,
monkeys love you,
hippos love you,
snakes love you,
tortoise love you,
giraffe loves you.....
Please go back to ZOO,
they all really miss you!

Time to Laugh

Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"


Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!


Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

Late Sitting

Infosys' Chairman and Chief Mentor Officer (CMO) - Mr.Narayana Murthy's Speech on Late sitting:

I know people who work 12 hours a day, six days a week, or more. Some people do so because of a work emergency where the long hours are only temporary. Other people I know have put in these hours for years. I don't know if they are working all these hours, but I do know they are in the office this long. Others put in long office hours because they are addicted to the workplace. Whatever the reason for putting in overtime, working long hours over the long term is harmful to the person and to the organization.

There are things managers can do to change this for everyone's benefit. Being in the office long hours, over long periods of time, makes way for potential errors. My colleagues who are in the office long hours frequently make mistakes caused by fatigue. Correcting these mistakes requires their time as well as the time and energy of others. I have seen people work Tuesday through Friday to correct mistakes made after 5 PM on Monday.

Another problem is that people who are in the office for long hours are not pleasant company . They often complain about other people (who aren't working as hard); they are irritable, or cranky, or even angry.Other people avoid them. Such behaviour poses problems, where work goes much better when people work together instead of avoiding one another.

As Managers, there are things we can do to help people leave the office.

First and foremost is to set the example and go home ourselves . I work with a manager who chides people for working long hours. His words quickly lose their meaning when he sends these chiding group e-mails with a time-stamp of 2 AM, Sunday.

Second is to encourage people to put some balance in their lives. For instance, here is a guideline I find helpful:

1) Wake up, eat a good breakfast, and go to work.
2) Work hard and smart for eight or nine hours.
3) Go home.
4) Read the comics, watch a funny movie, dig in the dirt, play with your kids, etc.
5) Eat well and sleep well.

This is called recreating . Doing steps 1, 3, 4, and 5 enable step 2. Working regular hours and recreating daily are simple concepts. They are hard for some of us because that requires personal change. They are possible since we all have the power to choose to do them.

In considering the issue of overtime, I am reminded of my eldest son.

When he was a toddler, If people were visiting the apartment, he would not fall asleep no matter how long the visit, and no matter what time of day it was. He would fight off sleep until the visitors left.. It was as if he was afraid that he would miss something. Once our visitors' left, he would go to sleep. By this time, however, he was over tired and would scream through half the
night with nightmares. He, my wife, and I, all paid the price for his fear of missing out.

Perhaps some people put in such long hours because they don't want to miss anything when they leave the office . The trouble with this is that events will never stop happening. That is life! Things happen 24 hours a day .

Allowing for little rest is not ultimately practical. So, take a nap. Things will happen while you're asleep, but you will have the energy to catch up when you wake.

Hence "LOVE YOUR JOB BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMPANY"
(Because you never know when it stops loving you)"
- Narayana Murthy

X Ray Fun

If I could catch a Rainbow

IF I COULD CATCH A RAINBOW
I WOULD DO IT JUST FOR YOU,

AND SHARE WITH YOU ITS BEAUTY
THE DAYS YOU'RE FEELING BLUE.

IF I COULD BUILD A MOUNTAIN
YOU COULD CALL YOUR VERY OWN

A PLACE TO FIND SERENITY
A PLACE TO BE ALONE.

IF I COULD TAKE YOUR TROUBLES
I WOULD TOSS THEM IN THE SEA,

BUT ALL THESE THINGS I'M FINDING
ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME.

I CANNOT BUILD A MOUNTAIN
OR CATCH A RAINBOW FAIR,

BUT LET ME BE WHAT I KNOW BEST
A FRIEND THAT'S ALWAYS THERE

All Will Be Fine

We've become so close
In this short amount of time.
It seems that our bond gets tighter
The further we climb.
From the moment our eyes met,
Our souls united as one.
Whoever said that it couldn't be done?
Soulmates for life,
A somewhat sacrifice
Of the freedom to roam.
But a new freedom gained
With someone to love at home.
No more lonely pains.
Place your hand in mine.
For as long as we have each other,
All Will Be Fine.

Person who is working?

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as Programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working ."

Sharpen your Axe

A young man who graduated yesterday and stops learning today will become uneducated tomorrow.

John, a woodcutter, worked for a Company for five years but never got a raise. The Company hired Bill and within a year he got a promotion. This caused resentment in John and he went to his Boss to talk about it. The Boss
said, "You are still cutting the same number of trees you were cutting five years ago. We are a result-oriented company and would be happy to give you a raise if your productivity goes up.

John went back started hitting harder and putting in longer hours but he still wasnt able to cut more trees. He went back to his Boss and told him his dilemma. The Boss asked John to go and talk to Bill. "Maybe there is
something Bill knows that you and I dont.

John asked Bill how he managed to cut more trees. Bill answered, "After every tree I cut, I take a break for two minutes and sharpen my axe. When was the last time you sharpened your axe?

This question hit home like a bullet and John got his answer.

When was the last time you sharpened your axe?; If you want to progress in life, you cannot rest on your past laurels. You must continuously sharpen your axe of knowledge, skill and expertise, in whatever field of activity
you may be!

By sharpening your axe appropriately, I wish you to attain your goals.

Friendship

My Friendship is like an onion,
Which has many layers in it,
it will add taste to your life,
but if you try to cut it, you will have tears in your eyes.

One day
Friendship and Love met. Love asked why do you exists when I am here, friendship ans I am here to leave smile where u leave tears.

Friendship never Ends

Friendship is a pricless gift,
that cannot be bought or sold.
But it's value is far greater
than a mountain made of gold.

For gold is cold and lifeless,
it can neither see nor hear.
And in a time of trouble,
it is powerless to cheer.

It has no ears to listen,
no heart to understand.
It cannot bring you comfort,
or reach out a helping hand.

So when you ask God for a gift,
be thankful if he sends...
Not diamonds, pearls or riches,
but the love of real true friends.





Your friendship is truly a gift to me,
and I thank God for that!!

You are the One

When it is all said and done You are the one to whom I run

You give me the love and encouragement I need And do everything you can to help me succeed

You tell me when I'm listening to the wrong voices You help me to make the right choices


You are with me for the good time and the bad you are the best friend I ever had


I want to thank you for always being there And showing me how much you care

Kids Think Fast

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
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TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
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TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
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TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Why Drink Coconut Water?

CocoWater is naturally:
> Low in Carbs
> 99% Fat Free
> Low in sugars

Coconut Water contains organic compounds possessing healthy growth promoting properties that have been known to help:

Keep the body cool and at the proper temperature
Orally re-hydrate your body, it is an all natural isotonic beverage
Carry nutrients and oxygen to cells
Naturally replenish your body's fluids after exercising
Raise your metabolism
Promote weight loss
Boost your immune system
Detoxify and fight viruses
Cleanse your digestive tract
Control diabetes
Aid your body in fighting viruses that cause the flu, herpes, and AIDS
Balance your PH and reduce risk of cancer
Treat kidney and urethral stones
Boost poor circulation

Sardar Letter to Bill Gates

Click on Image to Enlarge

Writing SQL SERVER Query

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)

AS
BEGIN

SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND
CarCount > 2 AND
HouseStatus ='TwoStoreyed' AND
BrideEduStatus= 'PG orAbove' AND
HavingBrothers= 'NO' AND
HavingSisters ='No' AND
AllowRelocate ='YES'

SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw

UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherinLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherinLawGold

INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')

END
GO

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.



.

.

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND

Commit;

The Real Value of Parents

This was narrated by an IAF pilot to IIT students during a Seminar on Human Relations: Venkatesh Balasubramaniam (who works for IIT) describes how his gesture of booking an air ticket for his father, his maiden flight, brought forth a rush of emotions and made him (Venkatesh) realize that how much we all take for granted when it comes to our parents. My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Jet Airways. The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for a window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me.

He became very emotional and it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant a great deal to him. When he said thanks, I told him there was no need to thank me. But later, thinking about the entire incident, I looked back at my life. As a child, how many dreams our parents have made come true. Without understanding the financial situation, we ask for cricket bats, dresses, toys, outings, etc. Irrespective of their affordability, they have catered to all our needs. Did we ever think about the sacrifices they had to make to accommodate many of our wishes? Did we ever say thanks for all that they have done for us? Same way, today when it comes to our children, we always think that we should put them in a good school. Regardless of the amount of donation, we will ensure that we will have to give the child the best, theme parks, toys, etc. But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificed a lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility to ensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see when they were young. It is our responsibility to ensure that they experience all those and their life is complete. Many times, when my parents had asked me some questions, I have actually answered back without patience. When my daughter asks me something, I have been very polite in answering. Now I realize how they would have felt at those moments.

Let us realize that old age is a second childhood and just as we take care of our children, the same attention and same care needs to be given to our parents and elders. Rather than my dad saying thank you to me, I would want to say sorry for making him wait so long for this small dream. I do realize how much he has sacrificed for my sake and I will do my best to give the best possible attention to all their wishes. Just because they are old does not mean that they will have to give up everything and keep sacrificing for their grandchildren also. They have wishes, too.

Take care of your parents. THEY ARE PRECIOUS.

Worst Letter a Father can Read

Father passing by his teenage daughter s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was
addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I m writing you, but I m leaving home.I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I ve been finding real passion with
Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you ll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it s not only the passion Dad, I m pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to
have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway,42 isn tso old these days is it?),and has no money, really these things shouldn t stand in the way of our relationship,don t you agree? Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

It s true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he ll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that s now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn t really hurt anyone and he ll be growing it for us and we ll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the
meantime, we ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don t worry Dad, I m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I m sure we ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I m over at the neighbour s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that s in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!!!



Every moment, every situation, every issue and every concern has a POSITIVE side. Find it and bring it to life.

Brave Girl

THE CRUISE:

DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE
I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.
______________________________ ________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY TWO
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.
______________________________ ________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
______________________________ ________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino . did OK ... won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband.
______________________________ ________________________
DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE
Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled.
______________________________ ________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX
I saved 1600 lives today... Twice.

When I Die

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait painted by a well-known artist.

She told the artist, "Paint me with three-carat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful, red ruby pendant."

"But ma'am, you are not wearing any of those things."

"I know," said Mrs. Johnson.

"My health is not good and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the bitch to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

I can do..

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs.


**

But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called His Almighty, you will make it to a place called Success.

Kewl SMS

Boyfriends are like panipuri,
Tastes good anytime.

Lovers r like PIZZAS,
Hot & spicy,eaten frquently.

Husbands r like Dal RICE,
eaten whn there is no choice....

Last in Line

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is.

"I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor,laughing his head off. Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks himwhat his wish will be.

The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again".

*NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE . . BE HAPPY!!*

Amazing Earth Facts - XV

91. Where are the highest tides?

In Burntcoat Head, Minas Basin, part of the Bay of Fundy in Nova Scotia, tides can range 38.4 feet (11.7 meters). The bay is funnel shaped -- its bottom slopes upward continuously from the ocean inlet. The result is an extreme "tidal bore," a wave-like phenomenon at the leading edge of the changing tide. Bores in Fundy can travel up feeder rivers at 8 mph (13 kph) and be more than 3 feet (1 meter) tall.

92. Where is the world's only equatorial glacier?

Mt. Cotopaxi in Ecuador supports the only glacier on the equator.

93. What is the largest lake in North America?

Lake Superior.

94. What's the deadliest hurricane to ever hit the United States?

A Category 4 hurricane hit Galveston, Texas in 1900 and killed more than 6,000 people (read about the history of it here). The next closest death toll was less than 1,900 from a 1928 Florida hurricane.

95. What is the longest mountain chain on Earth?

The Mid-Atlantic Ridge, which splits nearly the entire Atlantic Ocean north to south. Iceland is one place where this submarine mountain chain rises above the sea surface.

Todays Pic

Short Ones

1) Every bad situation will have something positive, even a stopped clock is correct twice a day....Think of this and lead ur life happily..!!!

2) Relationship is not about finding the right Person, But creating the right Relation. It's not How much V care in the begining, But how much V care till the End.

3) Friendship is never measured by the number of times he/she made you laugh... but by the number of times he/she made you smile after you had cried.

4) Do U Know Wats the difference b/w UR SMILE & MY SMILE??? U smile wen U r HaPPY, N i smile when U r HaPPY!!!!

Time to Laugh

On their 40th wedding anniversary, Kanjibhai and Rupaben summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.

Kanjibhai said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no "I" in the word 'marriage.'

Rupaben said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."

Blonde goes for Police Job

A blonde visits a police precinct looking for a job, so the officer asks her a few questions.

“What’s two plus two?” he asks.

“Umm…four,” the blonde replies.

“And the square root of 100?”

“It’s 10.”

“OK. Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” says the blonde.

“Go home and come back when you know the answer,” says the cop.

The blonde goes home and calls one of her friends, who asks if she got the job.

“Not only did I get it,” answers the blonde, “but I’m already working on a murder case!”