One Liners

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

A shin is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

What Is The Definition Of .

Amnesia?...What did you just ask me?

Apathy?...I don't care.

Bigotry?...I'm not going to tell someone like you.

Egotistical?...I'm the best person to answer that question.

Evasive?...Go do your homework.

Flatulent?...That question really stinks!

Ignorance?...I don't know.

Indifference?...It doesn't matter.

Influenza?...You've got to be sick to ask me that question.

Insomnia?...I stayed awake all last night thinking of the answer.

Irreverent?...I swear to God, you ask too many questions!

Narcissism?...Before I answer, tell me, don't I look great?

Over-Protective?...I don't know if you're ready for the answer.

Paranoid?...You probably think I don't know the answer, do you?

Procrastination?...I'll tell you tomorrow.

Repetitive?...I already told you the answer once before.

Self-Centered?...Well, I know the answer, that's all that matters.

Suspicious?...Why are you asking me all these questions?