Thursday, November 10, 2005
Damaging Food
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs are enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.
Can anyone tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly
said, "Wedding cake."
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.
Can anyone tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly
said, "Wedding cake."
Santa & Banta
Santa and Banta Singh rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, 'What did you find in your sack?'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Bah... it was full of bills.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Bah... it was full of bills.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'
National Filaria Day 10th Nov
What is Lymphatic Filariasis?
Lymphatic Filariasis, known as Elephantiasis, puts at risk more than a billion people in more than 80 countries. Over 120 million have already been affected by it and over 40 million of them are seriously incapacitated and disfigured by the disease. One-third of the people infected with the disease live in India, one third are in Africa and most of the rest are in South Asia, the Pacific and the Americas. In tropical and subtropical areas where lymphatic filariasis is well-established, the prevalence of infection is continuing to increase. A primary cause of this increase is the rapid and unplanned growth of cities, which creates numerous breeding sites for the mosquitoes that transmit the disease.
In its most obvious manifestations, lymphatic filariasis causes enlargement of the entire leg or arm, the genitals, vulva and breasts. In endemic communities, 10-50% of men and up to 10% of women can be affected. The psychological and social stigma associated with the disease is immense. In addition, even more common than the overt abnormalities is hidden, internal damage to the kidneys and lymphatic system caused by the filariae.
The thread-like, parasitic filarial worms Wuchereria bancrofti and Brugia malayi that cause lymphatic filariasis live almost exclusively in humans. These worms lodge in the lymphatic system, the network of nodes and vessels that maintain the delicate fluid balance between the tissues and blood and are an essential component for the body's immune defence system. They live for 4-6 years, producing millions of immature microfilariae (minute larvae) that circulate in the blood.
The disease is transmitted by mosquitoes that bite infected humans and pick up the microfilariae that develop, inside the mosquito, into the infective stage in a process that usually takes 7-21 days. The larvae then migrate to the mosquitoes' biting mouth-parts, ready to enter the punctured skin following the mosquito bite, thus completing the cycle.
What are the symptoms?
Though the infection is generally acquired early in childhood, the disease may take years to manifest itself. Many people never acquire outward clinical manifestations of their infections. Even though there may be no clinical symptoms, studies have now disclosed that such victims, outwardly healthy, actually have hidden lymphatic pathology and kidney damage as well. The asymptomatic form of infection is most often characterised by the presence in the blood of thousands or millions of larval parasites (microfilariae) and adult worms located in the lymphatic system.
The worst symptoms of the chronic disease generally appear in adults, and in men more often than in women. In endemic communities, some 10-50% of men suffer from genital damage, especially hydrocoele (fluid-filled balloon-like enlargement of the sacs around the testes) and elephantiasis of the penis and scrotum. Elephantiasis of the entire leg, the entire arm, the vulva, or the breast - swelling up to several times normal size - can affect up to 10% of men and women in these communities.
Acute episodes of local inflammation involving skin, lymph nodes and lymphatic vessels often accompany the chronic lymphoedema or elephantiasis. Some of these are caused by the body's immune response to the parasite, but most are the result of bacterial infection of skin where normal defences have been partially lost due to underlying lymphatic damage. Careful cleansing can be extremely helpful in healing the infected surface areas and in both slowing and, even more remarkably, reversing much of the overt damage that has occurred already.
What is the treatment?
The primary goal of treating the affected community is to eliminate microfilariae from the blood of infected individuals so that transmission of the infection by the mosquito can be interrupted. Studies have shown that single doses of DEC have the same long-term effect in decreasing microfilaraemia as the formerly-recommended 12-day regimens of DEC and, even more importantly, that the use of single doses of 2 drugs administered concurrently is 99% effective in removing microfilariae from the blood for a full year after treatment. It is this level of treatment effectiveness that has made feasible the new efforts to eliminate lymphatic filariasis.
Lymphatic Filariasis, known as Elephantiasis, puts at risk more than a billion people in more than 80 countries. Over 120 million have already been affected by it and over 40 million of them are seriously incapacitated and disfigured by the disease. One-third of the people infected with the disease live in India, one third are in Africa and most of the rest are in South Asia, the Pacific and the Americas. In tropical and subtropical areas where lymphatic filariasis is well-established, the prevalence of infection is continuing to increase. A primary cause of this increase is the rapid and unplanned growth of cities, which creates numerous breeding sites for the mosquitoes that transmit the disease.
In its most obvious manifestations, lymphatic filariasis causes enlargement of the entire leg or arm, the genitals, vulva and breasts. In endemic communities, 10-50% of men and up to 10% of women can be affected. The psychological and social stigma associated with the disease is immense. In addition, even more common than the overt abnormalities is hidden, internal damage to the kidneys and lymphatic system caused by the filariae.
The thread-like, parasitic filarial worms Wuchereria bancrofti and Brugia malayi that cause lymphatic filariasis live almost exclusively in humans. These worms lodge in the lymphatic system, the network of nodes and vessels that maintain the delicate fluid balance between the tissues and blood and are an essential component for the body's immune defence system. They live for 4-6 years, producing millions of immature microfilariae (minute larvae) that circulate in the blood.
The disease is transmitted by mosquitoes that bite infected humans and pick up the microfilariae that develop, inside the mosquito, into the infective stage in a process that usually takes 7-21 days. The larvae then migrate to the mosquitoes' biting mouth-parts, ready to enter the punctured skin following the mosquito bite, thus completing the cycle.
What are the symptoms?
Though the infection is generally acquired early in childhood, the disease may take years to manifest itself. Many people never acquire outward clinical manifestations of their infections. Even though there may be no clinical symptoms, studies have now disclosed that such victims, outwardly healthy, actually have hidden lymphatic pathology and kidney damage as well. The asymptomatic form of infection is most often characterised by the presence in the blood of thousands or millions of larval parasites (microfilariae) and adult worms located in the lymphatic system.
The worst symptoms of the chronic disease generally appear in adults, and in men more often than in women. In endemic communities, some 10-50% of men suffer from genital damage, especially hydrocoele (fluid-filled balloon-like enlargement of the sacs around the testes) and elephantiasis of the penis and scrotum. Elephantiasis of the entire leg, the entire arm, the vulva, or the breast - swelling up to several times normal size - can affect up to 10% of men and women in these communities.
Acute episodes of local inflammation involving skin, lymph nodes and lymphatic vessels often accompany the chronic lymphoedema or elephantiasis. Some of these are caused by the body's immune response to the parasite, but most are the result of bacterial infection of skin where normal defences have been partially lost due to underlying lymphatic damage. Careful cleansing can be extremely helpful in healing the infected surface areas and in both slowing and, even more remarkably, reversing much of the overt damage that has occurred already.
What is the treatment?
The primary goal of treating the affected community is to eliminate microfilariae from the blood of infected individuals so that transmission of the infection by the mosquito can be interrupted. Studies have shown that single doses of DEC have the same long-term effect in decreasing microfilaraemia as the formerly-recommended 12-day regimens of DEC and, even more importantly, that the use of single doses of 2 drugs administered concurrently is 99% effective in removing microfilariae from the blood for a full year after treatment. It is this level of treatment effectiveness that has made feasible the new efforts to eliminate lymphatic filariasis.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Euro English
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement
has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
European communications, rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of negotiations, her Majesty Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and
has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as
EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also,
the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear
up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make
words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the
languag is disgraful, and they would go.
By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year ze
unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar
changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
European communications, rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of negotiations, her Majesty Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and
has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as
EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also,
the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear
up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make
words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the
languag is disgraful, and they would go.
By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year ze
unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar
changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
You right there mate?
Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff
climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went
tumblingdown to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed,
"Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply.
"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down
to you, so wrap it 'round one of your legs and.." but before
he could finish, he heard Roger call "But both my legs are
broke."
Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're
broken too!" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth.
Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly
there,Barry said, "You right there mate?" to which Rodger
replied,"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"
climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went
tumblingdown to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed,
"Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply.
"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down
to you, so wrap it 'round one of your legs and.." but before
he could finish, he heard Roger call "But both my legs are
broke."
Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're
broken too!" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth.
Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly
there,Barry said, "You right there mate?" to which Rodger
replied,"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"
Project Manager
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the
shopkeeper,
"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and
took out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll be
$5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said,
"That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered,
"Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well
worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! $10,000!
What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey;it can manage object- oriented programming,
Visual C++, even some Java.
All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in
a cage of its own.
The price tag around its neck read $50,000.
He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put
together! What on earth does it do?" T he shopkeeper replied, "Well, I
haven't actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him
the project manager."
display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the
shopkeeper,
"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and
took out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll be
$5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said,
"That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered,
"Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well
worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! $10,000!
What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey;it can manage object- oriented programming,
Visual C++, even some Java.
All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in
a cage of its own.
The price tag around its neck read $50,000.
He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put
together! What on earth does it do?" T he shopkeeper replied, "Well, I
haven't actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him
the project manager."
Foods Not to Freeze
- Battered and fried foods
- Cooked egg whites and yolks, as well as icings made with egg whites
- Cottage and ricotta cheeses
- Custard and cream pies or desserts with cream fillings
- Mayonnaise
- Soups and stews made with potatoes, which can darken and become mushy when frozen
- Soups and stews thickened with cornstarch or flour
- Sour cream
- Stuffed chops or chicken breasts
- Whole eggs in the shell, whether raw or cooked
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Story of a Millionaire
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well son,
it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my
last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the
entire day polishing that apple and, at the end of the day, I
sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I
spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I
continued this system of polishing and selling, each time
reinvesting my profits into buying more apples."
"Wow!" said the young man, "and that's how you accumulated your
fortune?"
"Nah", said the old man, "my wife's father died and left us two
million dollars."
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well son,
it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my
last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the
entire day polishing that apple and, at the end of the day, I
sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I
spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I
continued this system of polishing and selling, each time
reinvesting my profits into buying more apples."
"Wow!" said the young man, "and that's how you accumulated your
fortune?"
"Nah", said the old man, "my wife's father died and left us two
million dollars."
Smart Food Shopping
We're going to take an aisle-by-aisle tour of the grocery store to help you the next time you do your shopping. First, when shopping, keep in mind these general shopping tips:
In the Produce Aisle
- Your best bet is to concentrate your shopping time around the periphery of the store — the produce, meat, dairy and bakery sections. But don't stop there. You'll find nutritious foods like beans, whole grains and cereal in the middle aisles.
- Read labels carefully and look for foods that are minimally processed. Choose 100% fruit juice over a fruit juice blend; plain frozen vegetables over those with butter sauces; fresh poultry or meat over those already seasoned; whole fresh potatoes over prepared French fries or scalloped potatoes.
- Dairy products are an exception to the minimally processed rule. It's better to buy versions where naturally occurring fat has been removed, such as fat-free milk or low-fat cheese.
In the Produce Aisle
- Color counts — bring home an entire rainbow of colorful fruits and vegetables.
- Save time by purchasing refrigerated jars of mango citrus salad, grapefruit, tropical salad, pears and other fruit. Or select pre-cut fruit like pineapple, watermelons or honeydew melons.
- Other time-savers include freshly cut vegetables like baby carrots, celery and bagged salads.
- Buy small. Smaller sized fruits are often sweeter and more tender than larger, more mature pieces.
- Choose dark green salad items like romaine lettuce, leaf lettuce, spinach, curly endive or radicchio. A little iceberg's OK for crunch.
In the Cereal Aisle - Think whole grains! You can find whole grain in hot as well as cold cereal. Examples of whole-grain hot cereal include Wheatena, oatmeal and oat bran. Some whole-grain cold cereals include Wheaties, shredded wheat, Frosted Mini-Wheats and Grape Nuts. Read Nutrition Facts labels to find cereals that contain at least 5 grams of fiber per serving. Check front labels for claims such as "whole grain" or "rich in whole grain."
- Cereals such as grits, cream of wheat and cream of rice are highly refined and offer little fiber.
Bread, Waffles, Crackers, Tortillas - Look for the word "whole" as the first ingredient on the ingredient list.
- Don't count on terms like "multigrain," "12-" and "cracked wheat" — they can be deceiving. They're mostly refined flour with a touch of whole-grain flour.
- Some examples of whole-grain crackers include Rye Krisp and Triscuits.
Pasta, Rice and Other Grains - Regular or quick-cooking brown rice makes a delicious side dish. The quick-cooking type retains all the health benefits of regular.
- Whole-wheat pasta takes some getting used to with its nutty texture. Try to substitute it for plain every other time or make your pasta half and half.
- Whole-wheat couscous is available in health-conscious stores. Use it (or regular) in salads and as a rice substitute.
- Barley can be used in soups and stews and also works in hearty salads, pilafs and casseroles. It's considered a whole grain.
- Most rice and pasta mixes are too high in fat and sodium to be considered healthful. You may be able to experiment with the preparation to reduce the amount of either or both.
Why do students fail in exams...?
Typical academic year for a student
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on your B'day??????
Balance = 0 "How can a student pass?????"
Sent By : Shubramaneam SP
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE.. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days Days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days. 1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on your B'day??????
Balance = 0 "How can a student pass?????"
Sent By : Shubramaneam SP
Five Star Hotels!!!!
Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer : "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer : "white"
Question : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer : "With milk "
Question : "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer : "With cow milk please.
Question : " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer : " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question : " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer : "With sugar"
Question : " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer : "Cane sugar "
Question : " White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer : "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question : "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer : "Mineral water"
Question : "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer : "I'll rather die of thirst
Answer : "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer : "white"
Question : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer : "With milk "
Question : "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer : "With cow milk please.
Question : " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer : " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question : " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer : "With sugar"
Question : " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer : "Cane sugar "
Question : " White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer : "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question : "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer : "Mineral water"
Question : "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer : "I'll rather die of thirst
One Liners
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel 'sophisticated' but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.
The older you get, the better you realize you used to be.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is the price we pay for maturity.
Experience is the price we pay for immaturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
To be intoxicated is to feel 'sophisticated' but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.
The older you get, the better you realize you used to be.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is the price we pay for maturity.
Experience is the price we pay for immaturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Heights
1.What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
3. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
Dhoti with a zip
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
3. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
Importance of a Name
Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
Top 10 Things You Can Do to Maintain Your Weight
Losing weight and eating better may often seem like a lot of work, but these easy steps will help keep you on course:
Take a walk. An extra 20 minutes of physical activity a day, or an additional 2,000 steps, is all we need to avoid weight gain. How do you know how many steps you're taking? Clip a pedometer to your belt and get moving! Everything from walking the dog to grocery shopping counts. Eat an apple. Apples contain 15 percent of the recommended daily allowance for vitamin C. In addition to contributing to overall health, fruits rich in vitamin C, an antioxidant, have recently been linked to a decreased risk of coronary heart disease and cancer. Fit two to three servings (or more) of fruit into your daily diet. Say no to trans fat. Like saturated fats, trans fats raise total cholesterol and LDL, the "bad" cholesterol levels. Trans fats also lower levels of beneficial HDL cholesterol in the body. Additionally, consumption of trans fats may inhibit the absorption of healthy fats that are necessary for the growth and functioning of vital organs. Go easy on the booze. This means an average of one to two drinks per day for men and one drink per day for women. (A drink equals 12 ounces of beer, 4 ounces of wine, 1.5 ounces of 80-proof spirits or 1 ounce of 100-proof spirits.) Drinking more than moderately can increase the risk of such dangers as alcoholism, high blood pressure, obesity, stroke, breast cancer, suicide and accidents. Get a doggie bag. Portion sizes in restaurants and fast-food chains have exploded in recent years, and many of us just can't help but clear our plates. Ask for a to-go container when you order. That way you can pack up half your entrée to enjoy the next day. Have a yogurt. It's no secret that calcium helps keep bones strong, but there's more reason than ever to eat yogurt for bone health. Some yogurt brands now contain inulin, a naturally occurring, fiber-like carbohydrate that's found in fruits and vegetables. Inulin has been found to increase the activity of live cultures and prevent the growth of harmful bacteria in the digestive tract. Best of all, it aids in the absorption of calcium. Take your vitamins. A study in the Journal of Nutrition showed that taking a daily multivitamin reduced the risk of a first heart attack in both men and women. Authors of the study think this effect is due to the B vitamins found in multivitamins, as well as the antioxidant vitamins, C and E, selenium and beta carotene. Vitamin supplements are no substitute for the nutrients you get from food, but they're a good way to cover your bases. Hold the salt shaker. Excess sodium intake can lead to high blood pressure (hypertension). More than 50 million Americans — or one in four — have high blood pressure and a third of them don't know it. High blood pressure contributes to the risk of heart and kidney disease and stroke. Use fresh herbs to boost the flavor of the foods you cook — you'll get lots of delicious flavor, without the sodium. Switch to whole grains. Whole grains are richer in nutrients and fiber than refined grains. Whole grains help keep you regular, too. Reach for whole-wheat bread over white and brown rice over white. Popcorn and oatmeal are whole grains, too. Hit the water cooler. Water is important for all metabolic processes in the body. It also helps with digestion and weight loss and improves the appearance of your skin. Drinking eight to 10 8-ounce glasses of water each day is key, but eating foods with a high-water content (like fruits and vegetables) also will contribute to your water intake.
Friday, November 04, 2005
What am I
1. I start with the letter E
I end with the letter E
I usually contain only one letter
Yet I am not the letter E!
What am I?
2. I am a common English word that is nine letters long.
Each time you remove a letter from me, I still remain an
English letter - from nine letters down to a single
letter. What am I to start with and what do I become each
time?
ANSWERS:
1. EnvelopE!
2. Startling->Starting->Staring->String->Sting->Sing->Sin->In->I
I end with the letter E
I usually contain only one letter
Yet I am not the letter E!
What am I?
2. I am a common English word that is nine letters long.
Each time you remove a letter from me, I still remain an
English letter - from nine letters down to a single
letter. What am I to start with and what do I become each
time?
ANSWERS:
1. EnvelopE!
2. Startling->Starting->Staring->String->Sting->Sing->Sin->In->I
A Nice Moral
A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play a game. The
teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag
containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person
that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that a child will put in
his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.
So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name
of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to
5 potatoes.
The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in
the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.
Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to
the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those
having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags.
After 1 week , the children were relieved because the game had
finally ended.The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the
potatoes with you for 1 week?" The children let out their frustrations
and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having
to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.
Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The
teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred
for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate
your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot
tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine
what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your
lifetime???"
Moral of the story:
Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not
carry sins for a lifet ime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take!
Life is to be fortified by many friendships.
To love & to be loved is the greatest happiness.
Fate determines who comes into our lives.
The heart determines who stays.
Sent by: Shubramaneam SP
teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag
containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person
that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that a child will put in
his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.
So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name
of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to
5 potatoes.
The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in
the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.
Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to
the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those
having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags.
After 1 week , the children were relieved because the game had
finally ended.The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the
potatoes with you for 1 week?" The children let out their frustrations
and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having
to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.
Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The
teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred
for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate
your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot
tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine
what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your
lifetime???"
Moral of the story:
Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not
carry sins for a lifet ime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take!
Life is to be fortified by many friendships.
To love & to be loved is the greatest happiness.
Fate determines who comes into our lives.
The heart determines who stays.
Sent by: Shubramaneam SP
Engineers Vs Doctors
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So they both gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC knocks ,
one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes
away....Doctors say "Dekh lenge" NOW on return Journey
All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE.
So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they
can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA)
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equally
SHAANE"....
All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet,
One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg
Bathroom...
TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily
fined........ tai tai fissssssss..
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station.
Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to
Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........
Conclusion: Technically intelligent ppl r geniuses, don't mess with
others.
So they both gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC knocks ,
one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes
away....Doctors say "Dekh lenge" NOW on return Journey
All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE.
So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they
can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA)
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equally
SHAANE"....
All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet,
One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg
Bathroom...
TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily
fined........ tai tai fissssssss..
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station.
Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to
Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........
Conclusion: Technically intelligent ppl r geniuses, don't mess with
others.
What is Volcanic Ash ?
Volcanic ash is rock that has been pulverized into dust or sand by volcanic activity. In very large eruptions, ash is accompanied by rocks having the weight and density of hailstones. Volcanic ash is hot near the volcano, but it is cool when it falls at greater distances. Ashfall blocks sunlight, reducing visibility and sometimes causing darkness. Ashfall can be accompanied by lightning.
Fresh volcanic ash is gritty, abrasive, sometimes corrosive, and always unpleasant. Although ash is not highly toxic, it can trouble infants, the elderly and those with respiratory ailments. Small ash particles can abrade the front of the eye under windy and ashy conditions.
Ash abrades and jams machinery. It contaminates and clogs ventilation, water supplies and drains. Ash also causes electrical short circuits -- in transmission lines (especially when wet), in computers, and in microelectronic devices. Power often goes out during and after ashfall. Long-term exposure to wet ash can corrode metal.
Ash accumulates like heavy snowfall, but doesn't melt. The weight of ash can cause roofs to collapse. A one-inch layer of ash weighs 5-10 pounds per square foot when dry, but 10-15 pounds per square foot when wet. Wet ash is slippery. Ash resuspended by wind, and human activity can disrupt lives for months after an eruption
Fresh volcanic ash is gritty, abrasive, sometimes corrosive, and always unpleasant. Although ash is not highly toxic, it can trouble infants, the elderly and those with respiratory ailments. Small ash particles can abrade the front of the eye under windy and ashy conditions.
Ash abrades and jams machinery. It contaminates and clogs ventilation, water supplies and drains. Ash also causes electrical short circuits -- in transmission lines (especially when wet), in computers, and in microelectronic devices. Power often goes out during and after ashfall. Long-term exposure to wet ash can corrode metal.
Ash accumulates like heavy snowfall, but doesn't melt. The weight of ash can cause roofs to collapse. A one-inch layer of ash weighs 5-10 pounds per square foot when dry, but 10-15 pounds per square foot when wet. Wet ash is slippery. Ash resuspended by wind, and human activity can disrupt lives for months after an eruption
Ten Ways to Avoid the FLU
- Get a flu shot, particularly if you are 50 or over or have a chronic illness. In addition, consider a flu shot if you are in regular contact with many people, especially if you live in a dormitory or work in an open-plan office, where hundreds of people are coughing and sneezing in a common area.
- Discuss with your pediatrician whether to immunize your youngsters in daycare. One recent study found that families whose children in daycare were immunized had 42% fewer infections with fever than those whose children weren't immunized.
- Wash your hands frequently and thoroughly. A quick rinse won't do the trick. To kill germs, communicative disease experts recommend washing with soap for 15 to 30 seconds-about as long as it takes to hum a rollicking verse of "Yankee Doodle Dandy."
- Keep your hands away from your face to reduce the chance of delivering viruses directly to your eyes or nose. One study found that people typically touched their face fifteen times in an hour.
- Make certain you're getting your RDA for vitamin E and other antioxidants including A, C and B-complex vitamins and minerals. These have properties that enhance immune response. Studies on older mice have shown that those with reduced levels of vitamin E were more susceptible to flu infection.
- Don't smoke. Smoke paralyzes the cilia, the hairlike cells lining the nose and airways that sweep incoming viruses away before they can infect.
- Use tissues, not cloth handkerchiefs, to reduce spread of infection.
- Reduce stress. Research has shown that immune responses are compromised by stress.
- Get seven to nine hours of sleep a night. Chronic sleep deprivation can reduce your immune response.
- Reduce alcohol consumption. Chronic heavy drinkers suffer from more colds and flu-and their complications-than others do, and even regular moderate use of alcohol can compromise immune response.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
MANAGEMENT AND STAFF
Does management know their staff?
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the
wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, How
much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir.
Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash and
gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working,
not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, now GET OUT
and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that
applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who 's the young man that
I just fired ?"
To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!"
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the
wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, How
much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir.
Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $ 6000.00 cash and
gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working,
not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, now GET OUT
and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that
applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who 's the young man that
I just fired ?"
To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir!"
Positive Remark
The wife stands in front of a mirror."you know, dear," she says, "I look in
the mirror & I see an old woman, face wrinkled, fat legs & flabby arms"
She turns to her husband & says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel
better about myself."
He says in a soft voice,"your eye sight is perfect"
the mirror & I see an old woman, face wrinkled, fat legs & flabby arms"
She turns to her husband & says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel
better about myself."
He says in a soft voice,"your eye sight is perfect"
How to Propose
Just some funny ways to propose her/him ............
(at your own risk!!!)
1. (Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like
gun into her back) "You're under arrest!" (For what?)
"For stealing my heart."
2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?
3. Are your legs tired?
( girl: Why?)
because you have been running through my mind all day!
4. "I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"
5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I've
seemed to have lost myself in your eyes
6. (Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket,
She would say,"What are doing" respond, "Oh, just
checking to see if you were made in Heaven."
7. (Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.)
"I was just showing this flower how beautiful you
are."
8. Is it ho! t in here or is it just you?
9. Walk up to a guy and say: "Are you from heaven?"
"No" he answers.
"Oh, I thought all the angels were from heaven"
10. I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek,
and die on your lips.
11. Did you know they changed the alphabet?
They put U and I together.
12. Are you lost?
'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far
from heaven.
13. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I
have to walk by you again?
14. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
15. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.
16. You can forget about going to heaven because it's
sin to look that good
(at your own risk!!!)
1. (Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like
gun into her back) "You're under arrest!" (For what?)
"For stealing my heart."
2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?
3. Are your legs tired?
( girl: Why?)
because you have been running through my mind all day!
4. "I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"
5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I've
seemed to have lost myself in your eyes
6. (Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket,
She would say,"What are doing" respond, "Oh, just
checking to see if you were made in Heaven."
7. (Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.)
"I was just showing this flower how beautiful you
are."
8. Is it ho! t in here or is it just you?
9. Walk up to a guy and say: "Are you from heaven?"
"No" he answers.
"Oh, I thought all the angels were from heaven"
10. I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek,
and die on your lips.
11. Did you know they changed the alphabet?
They put U and I together.
12. Are you lost?
'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far
from heaven.
13. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I
have to walk by you again?
14. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
15. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.
16. You can forget about going to heaven because it's
sin to look that good
Guide to Food Safety and Storage
Cold Enough for You?
Use appliance thermometers to make sure your freezer and refrigerator maintain proper temperatures for safe food storage. Refrigerators should maintain a temperature of 40 degrees F or below, and freezers should maintain a temperature of 0 degrees F or below.
Cool it Quickly
Hot foods bound for the refrigerator or freezer must be cooled quickly for two reasons. First, it decreases the chance for harmful bacteria to grow, keeping your food safe to eat. Second, in the case of freezing, it allows the food to freeze faster, preventing the formation of large ice crystals that may ruin the flavor and texture of foods. Here's how to cool food quickly.
- Divide cooked foods into small portions in shallow containers. As a general rule, divide soups and stews into portions that are two to three inches deep, and stir them while cooling to speed the release of heat. Divide roasts and whole poultry into portions that are two to three inches thick. Place the small portions of hot food directly in the refrigerator. Remove stuffing from poultry and refrigerate in separate containers.
- If the final destination is the freezer, transfer cold food from the refrigerator to the freezer. Arrange containers in a single layer in the freezer until frozen; this allows the cold air to circulate around the packages, freezing the food faster. Stack them after they are completely frozen. Note: Never let perishable foods stand at room temperature to cool before they're refrigerated or frozen.
Wraps and Containers
Follow these guidelines when purchasing storage containers and food wraps for the refrigerator or freezer.
Containers: Most airtight food storage containers with tight-fitting lids -- even disposables -- provide adequate protection in the refrigerator. When shopping for freezer-safe containers, however, look for a phrase or an icon on the label or container bottom indicating that they are designed for freezer use.
Baking dishes: When freezing, use freezer-to-oven or freezer-to-microwave dishes and cover the surface with plastic freezer wrap or heavy-duty foil (if using foil, see note below).
Glass jars with tight-fitting lids: All major brands of canning jars are acceptable for use in the refrigerator and freezer. If freezing liquid and semiliquid foods, leave headspace in the jar so the food can expand as it freezes.
Self-sealing storage bags and plastic wraps: Products are available for both refrigerator and freezer storage.
Regular or heavy-duty foil: When freezing food, use only heavy-duty foil.
Note: Do not use foil to wrap foods that contain acidic ingredients, such as tomatoes. Acid reacts with the foil, giving the food an odd flavor. To refrigerate or freeze a casserole that contains tomatoes or another acidic ingredient, first cover the food with plastic wrap, then with foil; remove the plastic wrap before reheating.
Be Label Conscious
Always take a moment to properly label food before you freeze it. Using a wax crayon or waterproof marking pen, note on the package the name of the item or recipe; the quantity, date, and number of servings; the date it was frozen; and any special information about its use. Follow recommended storage times included in recipes.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
Project Manager
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.'
'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.'
The man below says, 'You must be a project manager
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep,and you expect me to solve your problem.'
Sent By : Thiyagu R
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.'
'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.'
The man below says, 'You must be a project manager
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep,and you expect me to solve your problem.'
Sent By : Thiyagu R
Men are Men!!!
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which one to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of
$5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she
loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with
the money.
Guess which lady he chose to marry?
He married the most beautiful one!!!!!
Men are Men!!!
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of
$5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she
loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with
the money.
Guess which lady he chose to marry?
He married the most beautiful one!!!!!
Men are Men!!!
This is my mother!!!!!!!!!
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school
if a student is to be
absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall
with her friends. So she waited
until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school
today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note
her absence. Who is this
calling please?"
"This is my mother."
if a student is to be
absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall
with her friends. So she waited
until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school
today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note
her absence. Who is this
calling please?"
"This is my mother."
Joke
Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
Teacher :Because of Quaid-E-Azam's hard work what do we get on 14th August.
Student:A holiday
Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
japan
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
Teacher :Because of Quaid-E-Azam's hard work what do we get on 14th August.
Student:A holiday
Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
japan
Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask a question in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
Sardar
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They
had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided
to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and
built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The
story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY ?
- Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto
garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon
started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car
to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2
days ,a week but no car came to their garage.
WHY ?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi
driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began
to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed
their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed
their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided
to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing
their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the
taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night
and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The
taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi
wouldnt budge.
WHY ?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided
to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and
built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The
story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.
WHY ?
- Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto
garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon
started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car
to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2
days ,a week but no car came to their garage.
WHY ?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi
driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began
to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed
their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed
their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but
alas no one hailed their taxi.
WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided
to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing
their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the
taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night
and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The
taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi
wouldnt budge.
WHY ?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
A "Little Sugar" Can Be Deadly
A little sugar can mean high blood sugar, which increases your risk of diabetes and obesity, and worsens heart disease.
Some people refer to diabetes as "a little sugar" in the blood. But excess sugar floating around in your arteries can be harmful to your health and wellbeing!
Here's why: All food is broken down into glucose and taken into our cells for use as energy. Unused sugar can be converted to free fatty acids and stored as fat. And excess sugar in the blood can make your artery walls sticky, causing dietary fat and cholesterol to stick to them. This can lead to hardening and narrowing of the arteries.
Narrow arteries can't deliver blood to the various tissues that need it. The heart, brain and retina can be starved of blood. The end result can be heart attacks, strokes and blindness.
That said: You have the power to prevent these complications. Here's how:
Avoid simple (refined) sugars. Be aware of sugar hidden in sodas, yogurt and frozen slushy drinks. These beverages often have up to 14 teaspoons of sugar in them! If you're not burning that sugar as fuel, then it's being stored as fat, or it's sticking to your arteries!
Graze. We were meant to graze throughout the day like deer. We're really at our best when we use food as an energy source.You can keep your blood sugar steady when you consume a small meal or snack every three to four hours, which is about how long it takes to digest food. Eating in this way keeps your metabolism high and prevents you from storing fat! What's more, you'll enjoy steady energy, rather than the peaking and crashing that can come from consuming too many simple sugars.
Exercise. Sad, but true, we take in far more calories than we burn. With increased exercise, you use the sugar you take in and boost your metabolism at the same time. Regular exercise also helps you avoid becoming overweight, which also increases your chances of developing diabetes.
Some people refer to diabetes as "a little sugar" in the blood. But excess sugar floating around in your arteries can be harmful to your health and wellbeing!
Here's why: All food is broken down into glucose and taken into our cells for use as energy. Unused sugar can be converted to free fatty acids and stored as fat. And excess sugar in the blood can make your artery walls sticky, causing dietary fat and cholesterol to stick to them. This can lead to hardening and narrowing of the arteries.
Narrow arteries can't deliver blood to the various tissues that need it. The heart, brain and retina can be starved of blood. The end result can be heart attacks, strokes and blindness.
That said: You have the power to prevent these complications. Here's how:
Avoid simple (refined) sugars. Be aware of sugar hidden in sodas, yogurt and frozen slushy drinks. These beverages often have up to 14 teaspoons of sugar in them! If you're not burning that sugar as fuel, then it's being stored as fat, or it's sticking to your arteries!
Graze. We were meant to graze throughout the day like deer. We're really at our best when we use food as an energy source.You can keep your blood sugar steady when you consume a small meal or snack every three to four hours, which is about how long it takes to digest food. Eating in this way keeps your metabolism high and prevents you from storing fat! What's more, you'll enjoy steady energy, rather than the peaking and crashing that can come from consuming too many simple sugars.
Exercise. Sad, but true, we take in far more calories than we burn. With increased exercise, you use the sugar you take in and boost your metabolism at the same time. Regular exercise also helps you avoid becoming overweight, which also increases your chances of developing diabetes.
Thinking Back!!!
It was not "someone" who called me a bachelor the first time. It was
"something". The brown official-looking envelope I received by registered
post that day had my degree certificate in it. 'Bachelor of...', it
announced in somewhat gaudy letters as I stood smiling. Bachelor!
Till then I was a boy, a brother, a student and whatnot?but not a bachelor.
All of a sudden, that important piece of paper had given me a new identity.
I know you are dying to tell me things like 'this bachelor is not that
bachelor', but believe me, the very next day my phone rang. It was my
real-estate agent, an uneasy reminder to the approaching expiration of the
initial company accommodation. "Sir, you are a bachelor, are you not?"
"Sure, I am," I said, almost adding, "and now I have proof of that, if you
need."
"something". The brown official-looking envelope I received by registered
post that day had my degree certificate in it. 'Bachelor of...', it
announced in somewhat gaudy letters as I stood smiling. Bachelor!
Till then I was a boy, a brother, a student and whatnot?but not a bachelor.
All of a sudden, that important piece of paper had given me a new identity.
I know you are dying to tell me things like 'this bachelor is not that
bachelor', but believe me, the very next day my phone rang. It was my
real-estate agent, an uneasy reminder to the approaching expiration of the
initial company accommodation. "Sir, you are a bachelor, are you not?"
"Sure, I am," I said, almost adding, "and now I have proof of that, if you
need."
"Sorry sir. The owner is not willing to give the house to bachelors. But
don't worry, sir, I have many other houses. You see..."
So that's how it is. No country for the people of Palestine. No food for
starving Somalis.No trees for migrating birds. And yes, no houses for poor
bachelors.
They are not welcome in residential areas. Bachelors party and make noise
round the clock. They go after the neighborhood girls. They don't respect
the norms of the colony. They come in groups...
Anyway, I learnt my lesson: Bachelors don't have all the civil rights that
'normal' citizens enjoy. But then, what do we have that makes many a
married guy cherish the memories of his long-lost bachelorhood?
Palestinians have to cling to their land. Migrating birds are bound by
directions. But a bachelor has few restrictions. Except for renting an
apartment and walking into one those stupid 'couples only' clubs, he can
have everything else.
He gets up at any time and sneaks into the office unnoticed when others get
ready for lunch. He sits to almost any time in front of the computer
without worrying about anxious where-are-you calls. He stays away from the
house for days and no questions are asked. He does whatever he wants on the
weekend, in the company of his friends...
Yes. Friends are the most important aspect of any bachelor's life. Without
them he practically has no existence, especially if he's staying away from
home.
But then one day, over the thundering music and the first round of cold
beer in a dimly lit pub, he announces his plans to get married to this cute
girl that someone else had found for him. Over the double cheers, the
naughty comments and laughter, I become aware of something that hurts me
somewhere.
My friend's getting married. Of course it's something to celebrate. But
then, that also means he's leaving the gang!
We attend his wedding, the most colorful function of his life, in full
spirits. All of us. We give him gifts, wish him good luck and retreat to
our good old world, one member less. It does not take much time before we
find him reduced to much-delayed replies to our bunch of mails?and as for
phone calls, that comes only once in a blue moon.
For my part, I watch the pile of wedding invitations in the corner of my
desk grow at an amazing, alarming pace. Before I know it, most of my cool
buddies are gone. And the rest of us soon realize that we are not always
welcome to the new circle the married men have formed. So we seek solace
behind those office doors where the sun never sets.
I do meet my married friends occasionally. In the office, on a casual walk,
or in a busy restaurant. They are my friends still. And they are still
friendly as much as their new lifestyle and added responsibilities permit.
But...
Oh heck, there's my telephone. I think it is my real-estate agent again...
Sent By : Suresh kumar C
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Sardarji's Letter
Dear banta
Vahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm
writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20
miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed
here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not
have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to
bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated
right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts,
pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't
too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3
days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt
said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal
buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has
another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the
cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is
a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him
out,but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he
burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after
he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for
his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
ur's Big Banta
Vahe Guru !
I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm
writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20
miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed
here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not
have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to
bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated
right above the commode. I'm not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts,
pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't
too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3
days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt
said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal
buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has
another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the
cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is
a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him
out,but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he
burned for three days.
Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after
he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for
his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
ur's Big Banta
Optimist
"Sir, we're surrounded!"
"Excellent. We can attack in any direction!"
--An Army Officer
Sent by: Karthik Paandian
"Excellent. We can attack in any direction!"
--An Army Officer
Sent by: Karthik Paandian
Crazy
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he saw a
dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back
again.
So, he goes over to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth.
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb,
please".
The dog has money in his mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and,
The dog behold, a ten dollar note. So he takes the money
and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he
decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is
walking down the street when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts
down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in
mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with
the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and
starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The
dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number,
and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks
at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now, open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels
through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery.
Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back
paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in
his mouth. Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog
turns into a house.
He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back
down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He goes back
down the path, runs up to the door and again, it throws himself against it. There's no
answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow
wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats
his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog,
kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher runs up,
and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing?
The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds:
"You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story:
You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall
short of the boss's expectations!!
dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back
again.
So, he goes over to the dog and notices he has a note in his mouth.
He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb,
please".
The dog has money in his mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and,
The dog behold, a ten dollar note. So he takes the money
and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth.
The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he
decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is
walking down the street when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts
down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in
mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with
the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and
starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The
dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number,
and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks
at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now, open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels
through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery.
Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back
paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in
his mouth. Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog
turns into a house.
He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back
down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He goes back
down the path, runs up to the door and again, it throws himself against it. There's no
answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow
wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats
his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog,
kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher runs up,
and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you doing?
The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds:
"You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
Moral of the story:
You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall
short of the boss's expectations!!
Always tell the truth
A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He
walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby
bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and
starts talking to her .They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to
another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he
realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill
me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder,
which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where
the hell have you been?".
Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they
were closed. So I Went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this
great looking girl There and we had a few drinks and one thing led to
another and I ended up in Bed with her.
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are Covered with
powder and says..."You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"
Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway. At least
your conscience is clear.
walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby
bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and
starts talking to her .They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to
another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he
realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill
me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder,
which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where
the hell have you been?".
Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they
were closed. So I Went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this
great looking girl There and we had a few drinks and one thing led to
another and I ended up in Bed with her.
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are Covered with
powder and says..."You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"
Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway. At least
your conscience is clear.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Patience
A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He Went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged Bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"
Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!
A little teeny voice came out of the box... "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."
Patience is very important in life.
After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged Bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?"
Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!
A little teeny voice came out of the box... "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."
Patience is very important in life.
Effective Communication
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation?
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation?
Be A Lake
The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in
a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?"
the Master asked. "Awful," spat the apprentice.
The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of
salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake
and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old
man said, "Now drink from the lake."
As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does
it taste?" "Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked
the Master. "No," said the young man.
The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said,
"The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life
remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain'
depends on the container we put it into.
So when you are in pain, the only
thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things .....
Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"
a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?"
the Master asked. "Awful," spat the apprentice.
The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of
salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake
and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old
man said, "Now drink from the lake."
As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does
it taste?" "Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked
the Master. "No," said the young man.
The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said,
"The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life
remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain'
depends on the container we put it into.
So when you are in pain, the only
thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things .....
Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"
The Almonds
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a
little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds,
which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands
him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the
almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their
old teeth. They are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.
Whereupon the old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."
little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds,
which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands
him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the
almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their
old teeth. They are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.
Whereupon the old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."
Friday, October 21, 2005
Thought for the Day
Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why.
Programmers combine theory and practice:
Nothing works and they don't know why.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why.
Programmers combine theory and practice:
Nothing works and they don't know why.
Loser!!!!!
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minut es, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem. Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minut es, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem. Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
Hospitality
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.
However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby, "whiz away sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.
However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby, "whiz away sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
Thursday, October 20, 2005
FIVE MORE MINUTES
While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench
near a playground. "That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a
little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide. "He's a fine looking
boy," the man said. "That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater." Then,
looking at his watch, he called to his son. "What do you say we go,
Todd?" Todd pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more
minutes." The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's
content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. "Time to
go now?" Again Todd pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."
The man smiled and said, "O.K." "My, you certainly are a patient father,"
the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, "My older son Tommy was
killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near
here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just
five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with
Todd. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get Five
more minutes to watch him play." Life is all about making priorities, what
are your priorities? Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time
today.
near a playground. "That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a
little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide. "He's a fine looking
boy," the man said. "That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater." Then,
looking at his watch, he called to his son. "What do you say we go,
Todd?" Todd pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more
minutes." The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's
content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. "Time to
go now?" Again Todd pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."
The man smiled and said, "O.K." "My, you certainly are a patient father,"
the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, "My older son Tommy was
killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near
here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just
five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with
Todd. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get Five
more minutes to watch him play." Life is all about making priorities, what
are your priorities? Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time
today.
Team Work
It was a sports stadium.
Eight Children were standing on the track
to participate the running event.
Ready!
Steady!
Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly they have covered ten to fifteen steps,
one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down.
Due to bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound,
stopped running, stood for a while and turned back.
They all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and
enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.
All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her.
Two of them held the girl firmly and
they all seven joined hands together and
walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked.
Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.
Many eyes were filled with tears
and perhaps it had reached the GOD even !
YES.
This happened in Hydrabad, recently !
The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health.
All these special girls had come to participate in this event and
they are spastic children.
Yes, they were mentally retarded.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?
. . . . . . . . ????
Successful people should help others who are slow in learning
so that they are not felt far behind.
Eight Children were standing on the track
to participate the running event.
Ready!
Steady!
Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly they have covered ten to fifteen steps,
one of the smaller girls slipped and fell down.
Due to bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound,
stopped running, stood for a while and turned back.
They all ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently and
enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.
All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her.
Two of them held the girl firmly and
they all seven joined hands together and
walked together and reached the winning post.
Officials were shocked.
Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the stadium.
Many eyes were filled with tears
and perhaps it had reached the GOD even !
YES.
This happened in Hydrabad, recently !
The sport was conducted by National Institute of Mental Health.
All these special girls had come to participate in this event and
they are spastic children.
Yes, they were mentally retarded.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?
. . . . . . . . ????
Successful people should help others who are slow in learning
so that they are not felt far behind.
Chanakya Quotes
"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest
people are screwed first."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will
destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no
friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I
doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you
think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But
the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such
friendships will never give you any happiness."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five
years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind
person."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
people are screwed first."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will
destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no
friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I
doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you
think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But
the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such
friendships will never give you any happiness."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five
years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind
person."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
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