Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Average Human Being in 24 Hours
In a period of a day or 24 hours an average human:
1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times.
2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times.
3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles.
4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches
5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches
6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (Including other liquids)
7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD.
8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR.
9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE.
10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT.
11) Speak 4,800 WORDS.
12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times
1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times.
2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times.
3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles.
4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches
5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches
6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (Including other liquids)
7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD.
8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR.
9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE.
10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT.
11) Speak 4,800 WORDS.
12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times
Appraisal Time
A man was sleeping in his house. Suddenly Yamaraj appeared & said, "Go Out & Enjoy. Nothing will happen to you for the next 10 Years."
He did so & met with an accident & died.
On the way to heaven is the hell....saw Yamaraj whistling n relaxing. He asked yamraj, why did you lie to me.
"Sorry Son, Appraisal Time, had to Achieve Target..."
He did so & met with an accident & died.
On the way to heaven is the hell....saw Yamaraj whistling n relaxing. He asked yamraj, why did you lie to me.
"Sorry Son, Appraisal Time, had to Achieve Target..."
Todays SMS
3 monkeys escaped from the zoo....
One was caught watching TV....
Another playing football...
and the third one........
No its not you...
Why do u always think u r a monkey??
The third one is still missing...
One was caught watching TV....
Another playing football...
and the third one........
No its not you...
Why do u always think u r a monkey??
The third one is still missing...
Smart Dean
One Night 4 MBA Students were Boozing till late night and didn't study for the Test which was scheduled for the next day. In the Morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car.
All the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test then Dean was a just person so he said that you can have the Retest after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that Time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that this was a special Condition Test.
All Four were required to separate Classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the Last Three days.
The Test consisted of 2 Questions with Total of 100 Marks
Q.1. Write Down your Names -----( 2 Marks )
Q.2. Which Tyre Burst ----------( 98 Marks )
They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car.
All the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test then Dean was a just person so he said that you can have the Retest after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that Time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that this was a special Condition Test.
All Four were required to separate Classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the Last Three days.
The Test consisted of 2 Questions with Total of 100 Marks
Q.1. Write Down your Names -----( 2 Marks )
Q.2. Which Tyre Burst ----------( 98 Marks )
Monday, December 19, 2005
I miss you
I miss you each day in my life
I miss you each time you leave
I miss you each time you say goodbye
I miss everything about you
I miss your smile and your laughter
I miss your tender touch of humor
I miss your gentleness and kindness
I miss you when you leave my sight
I miss you all the time
I miss you when you're so far away
I miss you with all my heart
I miss you in my thoughts
I miss you at my side
I miss looking at your eyes
I miss your kisses and your touch
I miss you so much
I miss you every moment
I miss you everyday
I miss you soooo much!
I miss you each time you leave
I miss you each time you say goodbye
I miss everything about you
I miss your smile and your laughter
I miss your tender touch of humor
I miss your gentleness and kindness
I miss you when you leave my sight
I miss you all the time
I miss you when you're so far away
I miss you with all my heart
I miss you in my thoughts
I miss you at my side
I miss looking at your eyes
I miss your kisses and your touch
I miss you so much
I miss you every moment
I miss you everyday
I miss you soooo much!
It's a Ferrari
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over,
so I gave it two coats.
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over,
so I gave it two coats.
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Hold my Hand
Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."
The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.
"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go.
But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold urs...
The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.
"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go.
But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold urs...
Violent Bartender
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
Friday, December 16, 2005
Marketing Strategies
Professor at IIM was explaining marketing concepts:
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says,
"You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband
That's demand and supply gap.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------
she is your wife !
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says,
"You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband
That's demand and supply gap.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------
she is your wife !
First husband
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so?
Deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so?
Deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."
Can you read this?
An Ukrainian immigrant in USA went to the Motor Vehicles Registry to apply for a driver's licence. He had to take an eye test..The clerk shows him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
"Read it?" the Ukrainian replies, "I know the guy."
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
"Read it?" the Ukrainian replies, "I know the guy."
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Racism
A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the
only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: When I was born I was black, When I grew up I was black," When I'm sick I'm black, When I go in the sun I'm black, When I'm cold I'm black, When I die I'll be black.
But you sir... When you're born you're pink, When you're sick, you're green, When you go in the sun you turn red, When you're cold you turn blue, And when you die you turn purple.And you have the nerve to call
me coloured" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: When I was born I was black, When I grew up I was black," When I'm sick I'm black, When I go in the sun I'm black, When I'm cold I'm black, When I die I'll be black.
But you sir... When you're born you're pink, When you're sick, you're green, When you go in the sun you turn red, When you're cold you turn blue, And when you die you turn purple.And you have the nerve to call
me coloured" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Teacher and Student
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Elderly Couple
A young man watched an elderly couple sit down to lunch at a restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries - one for him, one for her, until each had an even
number.
Then the old man poured half the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat and his wife sat watching with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man hesitated, then approached the couple and asked if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they wouldn't have to split theirs.
The old man said, "Oh no. We've been married for 50 years, and everything has always been, and always will be shared 50-50."
The young man asked the old woman if she was going to eat. "Later," she replied. "It's his turn with the teeth."
number.
Then the old man poured half the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat and his wife sat watching with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man hesitated, then approached the couple and asked if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they wouldn't have to split theirs.
The old man said, "Oh no. We've been married for 50 years, and everything has always been, and always will be shared 50-50."
The young man asked the old woman if she was going to eat. "Later," she replied. "It's his turn with the teeth."
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
A Woman's Secret
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years..
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover....
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness......
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling all the dolls..."
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover....
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness......
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling all the dolls..."
Memory Loss
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory i s just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory i s just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
Mother in Law
A young Indian man excitedly tells his mom he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mom agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.He then says, "Okay Mom, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Mom. You're right. How did you Know?"
The mother replies, "That's simple, I don't like her."
Luv & Enjoyyyyyyy.
He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mom agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.He then says, "Okay Mom, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Mom. You're right. How did you Know?"
The mother replies, "That's simple, I don't like her."
Luv & Enjoyyyyyyy.
Little Jhony
"Hey, Mom" asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow'."
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow'."
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Story About the Tiny Frogs
There once was a bunch of tiny frogs, who arranged a running competition.
The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.
A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants...
The race began...
Honestly: No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.
You heard statements such as:
"Oh, WAY too difficult!!
They will NEVER make it to the top." or:
"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"
The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one...
... Except for those who in a fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher...
The crowd continued to yell "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"
More tiny frogs got tired and gave up...
But ONE continued higher and higher and higher...
This one wouldn't give up!
At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who after a big effort was the only one who reached the top!
THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?
A contestant asked the tiny frog how the one who succeeded had found the strength to reach the goal?
It turned out...
That the winner was DEAF!!!!
The wisdom of this story is:
Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.
Because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you. The ones you have in your heart!
Always think of the power words have.
Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!
Therefore:
ALWAYS be...POSITIVE!
And above all:
Be DEAF when people tell YOU that YOU can not fulfil YOUR dreams!
Always think: I can do this!
The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.
A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants...
The race began...
Honestly: No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.
You heard statements such as:
"Oh, WAY too difficult!!
They will NEVER make it to the top." or:
"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"
The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one...
... Except for those who in a fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher...
The crowd continued to yell "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"
More tiny frogs got tired and gave up...
But ONE continued higher and higher and higher...
This one wouldn't give up!
At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who after a big effort was the only one who reached the top!
THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?
A contestant asked the tiny frog how the one who succeeded had found the strength to reach the goal?
It turned out...
That the winner was DEAF!!!!
The wisdom of this story is:
Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic.
Because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you. The ones you have in your heart!
Always think of the power words have.
Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!
Therefore:
ALWAYS be...POSITIVE!
And above all:
Be DEAF when people tell YOU that YOU can not fulfil YOUR dreams!
Always think: I can do this!
Jokes Time
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.
Question: What is the fullform of maths?
Anwser: Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students
Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student:A holiday
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
Teacher:"What is your name?"
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
Student: Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.
Question: What is the fullform of maths?
Anwser: Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students
Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August?
Student:A holiday
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
Teacher:"What is your name?"
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english, answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
Thought for the Day
Read and think for a moment......
As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free." I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?
True .Right??
As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free." I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?
True .Right??
Monday, December 12, 2005
Relax
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached Safely
Date: 31st July, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I've just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.........
Have a Great Day!
Ur Loving Husband
Fwd By : Senthil Vel Anbalahan S
However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached Safely
Date: 31st July, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I've just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.........
Have a Great Day!
Ur Loving Husband
Fwd By : Senthil Vel Anbalahan S
Lemon Juice
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone
who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people like weightlifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his
fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"
"No," replied the man.
"I am working as a project manager in a software company !"
Fwd By : ALA
who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people like weightlifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his
fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"
"No," replied the man.
"I am working as a project manager in a software company !"
Fwd By : ALA
Sweet Insults
1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!
6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing
7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
10.If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!
11.Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
12.Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
13.Keep talking; someday you'll say something intelligent!
14.Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
15.Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
16.Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.
17.He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
18.He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!
19.You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.
20.He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.
21.He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
22.He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!
23.He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?
24.He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
25.He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
26.He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
27.How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!
28.After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it".
2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!
6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing
7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
10.If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!
11.Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
12.Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
13.Keep talking; someday you'll say something intelligent!
14.Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
15.Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
16.Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.
17.He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
18.He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!
19.You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.
20.He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.
21.He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
22.He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!
23.He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?
24.He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
25.He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
26.He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
27.How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!
28.After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it".
Denounce the Devil
A priest was preparing a dying man for his 'long day's journey into night'. Whispering firmly, the priest says,
"Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."
The dying man says nothing.
The priest repeats his order again.
Still, the dying man says nothing.
The priest asks,"Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man replies, "Until I know exactly where I'm headed, I don't think it's such a good idea to aggravate anybody just yet
"Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."
The dying man says nothing.
The priest repeats his order again.
Still, the dying man says nothing.
The priest asks,"Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man replies, "Until I know exactly where I'm headed, I don't think it's such a good idea to aggravate anybody just yet
Friday, December 09, 2005
Kanjibhai in Court
At the height of a business corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked Kanjibhai the witness.
"Isn't it true," bellowed the lawyer , "that you accepted fifty thousand Rupees to compromise this case?"
Kanjibhai stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted fifty thousand Rupees to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
Kanjibhai still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Kanjibhai , please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled Kanjibhai said, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, I thought he was talking to you."
"Isn't it true," bellowed the lawyer , "that you accepted fifty thousand Rupees to compromise this case?"
Kanjibhai stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted fifty thousand Rupees to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
Kanjibhai still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Kanjibhai , please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled Kanjibhai said, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, I thought he was talking to you."
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