Afrikaans: Veels geluk met jou verjaarsdag!
Albanian: Urime ditelindjen!
Alsatian: Gueter geburtsdaa!
Amharic: Melkam lidet!
Arabic: Eid milaad saeed! or Kul sana wa inta/i tayeb/a! (masculine/feminine)
Armenian: Taredartzet shnorhavor! or Tsenund shnorhavor!
Assyrian: Eida D'moladukh Hawee Brikha!
Austrian-Viennese: Ois guade winsch i dia zum Gbuadsdog!
Basque: Zorionak!
Belauan-Micronesian: Ungil el cherellem!
Bengali (Bangladesh/India): Shuvo Jonmodin!
Bislama (Vanuatu): Hapi betde! or Yumi selebretem de blong bon blong yu!
Brazil: Parabens a voce! or Parabens e muitas felicidades!
Breton: Deiz-ha-bloaz laouen deoc'h!
Bulgarian: Chestit Rojden Den!
Cambodian: Som owie nek mein aryouk yrinyu!
Catalan: Per molts anys! or Bon aniversari! or Moltes Felicitats!
Chamorro: Biba Kumplianos!
Chinese-Cantonese: Sun Yat Fai Lok!
Chinese Fuzhou: San Ni Kuai Lo!
Chinese-Mandarin: Sheng Ri Kuai Le!
Chinese-Shanghaiese: San ruit kua lok!
Chinese-Tiociu: Se Jit khuai lak!
Chronia : NA ZHSHS
Croatian: Sretan Rodendan!
Czech: Vsechno nejlepsi k Tvym narozeninam!!
Danish: Tillykke med fodselsdagen!
Dutch-Antwerps: Ne gelukkege verjoardach!
Dutch-Bilzers: Ne geleukkege verjoardoag!
Dutch-Drents: Fellisiteert!
Dutch-Flemish: Gelukkige verjaardag! or Prettige verjaardag!
Dutch-Frisian: Fan herte lokwinske!
Dutch-Limburgs: Proficiat! or Perfisia!
Dutch-Spouwers: Ne geleukkege verjeurdoag!
Dutch-Twents: Gefeliciteard met oen'n verjoardag!
Dutch: Hartelijk gefeliciteerd! or Van harte gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!
English: Happy Birthday!
Esperanto: Felichan Naskightagon!
Estonian: Palju onne sunnipaevaks!
Euskera: Zorionak zure urtebetetze egunean!
Faroes ( Faroe island ): Tillukku vid fodingardegnum!
Farsi: Tavalodet Mobarak!
Finnish: Hyvaa syntymapaivaa!
French (Canada): Bonne Fete!
French: Joyeux Anniversaire!
Frisian: Lokkiche jierdei!
Gaelic: Co` latha breith sona dhut!
Galician (Spain): Ledicia no teu cumpreanos!
Georgian: Gilotcav dabadebis dges!
German-Badisch: Allis Guedi zu dim Fescht!
German-Bavarian: Ois Guade zu Deim Geburdstog!
German-Berlinisch: Allet Jute ooch zum Jeburtstach! or Ick wuensch da allet Jute zum Jeburtstach!
German-Bernese: Es Muentschi zum Geburri!
German-Camelottisch: Ewllews Gewtew zewm Gewbewrtstewg. Mew!
German-Frankonian: Allmecht! Iich wuensch Dir aan guuadn Gebuardsdooch!
German-Lichtenstein: Haerzliche Glueckwuensche zum Geburtstag!
German-Plattdeutsch: Ick wuensch Di allns Gode ton Geburtsdach!
German-Rhoihessisch: Ich gratelier Dir aach zum Geburtstag!
German-Saarlaendisch: Alles Gudde for dei Gebordsdaach!
German-Saechsisch: Herzlischen Gliggwunsch zum Geburdsdaach!
German-Schwaebisch: Aelles Guade zom Gebordzdag!
German-Wienerisch: Ois Guade zum Geburdsdog!
German: Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!
Greek: Efticharismena Gennethlia! or Chronia polla!
Greenlandic: Inuuinni pilluarit!
Gronings (Netherlands): Fielsteerd mit joen verjoardag!
Gujarati (India): Janma Divas Mubarak!
Gujrati (Pakistan): Saal Mubarak!
Hawaiian: Hau`oli la hanau!
Hebrew: Yom Huledet Same'ach!
Hiligaynon (Philippines): Masadya gid nga adlaw sa imo pagkatawo!
Hindi (India): Janam Din ki badhai! or Janam Din ki shubkamnaayein!
Hungarian: Boldog szuletesnapot! or Isten eltessen!
Icelandic: Til hamingju med afmaelisdaginn!
Indonesian: Selamat Ulang Tahun!
Irish-gaelic: La-breithe mhaith agat! or Co` latha breith sona dhut! or Breithla Shona Dhuit!
Italian: Buon Compleanno!
Italian (Piedmont): Bun Cumpleani!
Japanese: Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!
Javaans-Indonesia: Slamet Ulang Taunmoe!
Jerriais: Bouon Anniversaithe!
Kannada (India): Huttida Habba Subashayagalu!
Kapangpangan (Philippines): Mayap a Kebaitan
Kashmiri (India): Voharvod Mubarak Chuy!
Kazakh (Kazakstan): Tughan kuninmen!
Klingon: Quchjaj qoSlIj!
Korean: Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da!
Kyrgyz: Tulgan kunum menen!
Latin: Fortuna dies natalis!
Latvian: Daudz laimes dzimsanas diena!
Lithuanian: Sveikinu su gimtadieniu! or Geriausi linkejimai gimtadienio proga!
Lunganda: Nkwagaliza amazalibwa go amalungi!
Luxembourgeois: Vill Gleck fir daei Geburtsdaag!
Macedonian: Sreken roden den!
Malayalam (India): Pirannal Aasamsakal! or Janmadinasamsakal!
Malaysian: Selamat Hari Jadi!
Maltese: Nifrahlek ghal gheluq snienek!
Maori: Kia huritau ki a koe!
Marathi (India): Wadhdiwasachya Shubhechha!
Mauritian Kreol: mo swet u en bonlaniverser
Mbula (Umboi Island, Papua New Guinea): Leleng ambai pa mbeng ku ta ipet i!
Mongolian: Torson odriin mend hurgee!
Navajo: bil hoozho bi'dizhchi-neeji' 'aneilkaah!
Niederdeutsch (North Germany): Ick gratuleer di scheun!
Nepali: Janma dhin ko Subha kamana!
Norwegian: Gratulerer med dagen!
Oriya (India): Janmadina Abhinandan!
Pashto (Afganistan): Padayish rawaz day unbaraksha!
Persian: Tavalodet Mobarak!
Pinoy (Philippines): Maligayang kaarawan sa iyo!
Polish: Wszystkiego Najlepszego! or Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin!
Portuguese (Brazil): Parabens pelo seu aniversario!
Portuguese: Feliz Aniversario! or Parabens!
Punjabi (India): Janam din diyan wadhayian!
Rajasthani (India): Janam ghaanth ri badhai, khoob jeeyo!
Romanian: La Multi Ani!
Rosarino Basico (Argentina): Feneligiz Cunumplegeanagonos!
Russian: S dniom razhdjenia! or Pazdravliayu s dniom razhdjenia!
Samoan: Manuia lou aso fanau!
Sanskrit (India): Ravihi janmadinam aacharati!
Sardinian (Italy): Achent'annos!
Serbian: Srecan Rodjendan!
Slovak: Vsetko najlepsie k narodeninam!
Slovene: Vse najboljse za rojstni dan!
Sotho: Masego motsatsing la psalo!
Spanish: Feliz Cumplean~os!
Sri Lankan: Suba Upan dinayak vewa!
Sundanese: Wilujeng Tepang Taun!
Surinamese: Mi fresteri ju!
Swahili: Hongera! or Heri ya Siku kuu!
Swedish: Grattis pa fodelsedagen!
Syriac: Tahnyotho or brigo!
Tagalog (Philippines): Maligayang Bati Sa Iyong Kaarawan!
Taiwanese: San leaz quiet lo!
Tamil (India): Piranda naal vaazhthukkal!
Telugu (India): Janmadina subha kankshalu!
Telugu: Puttina Roju Shubakanksalu!
Thai: Suk San Wan Keut!
Tibetan: Droonkher Tashi Delek!
Turkish: Dogum gunun kutlu olsun!
Ukrainian: Mnohiya lita! or Z dnem narodjennia!
Urdu (India): Janam Din Mubarak
Urdu (Pakistan): Saalgirah Mubarak!
Vietnamese: Chuc Mung Sinh Nhat!
Visayan (Philippines): Malipayong adlaw nga natawhan!
Welsh: Penblwydd Hapus i Chi!
Xhosa (South Afican): Imini emandi kuwe!
Yiddish: A Freilekhn Gebortstog!
Yoruba (Nigeria): Eku Ojobi!
Zulu (South Afican): Ilanga elimndandi kuwe!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Time To Laugh
Delivered:
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
=============================================================
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
=============================================================
The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
=============================================================
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
=============================================================
The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
Interesting Yawning Facts
Next time you're in a meeting, try this little experiment: Take a big yawn, cover your mouth out of courtesy, and watch and see how many people yawn. There's a good chance that you'll set off a chain reaction of yawns. Before you finish reading this question of the day, it's likely that you will yawn at least once. Don't misunderstand, we aren't intending to bore you, but just reading about yawning will make you yawn, just as seeing or hearing someone else yawn makes us yawn.
Interesting Yawning Facts
What's behind this mysterious epidemic of yawning? First, let's look at what a yawn is. Yawning is an involuntary action that causes us to open our mouths wide and breathe in deeply. We know it's involuntary because we do it even before we are born. Research shows that 11-week-old fetuses yawn.
There are many parts of the body that are in action when you yawn. First, your mouth opens and jaw drops, allowing as much air to be taken in as possible. When you inhale, the air taken in is filling your lungs. Your abdominal muscles flex and your diaphragm is pushed down. The air you breath in expands the lungs to capacity and then some of the air is blown back out.
While the dictionary tells us that yawning is caused by being fatigued, drowsy or bored, scientists are discovering that there is more to yawning than what most people think. Not much is known about why we yawn or if it serves any useful function, and very little research has been done on the subject. However, there are several theories about why we yawn. Here are the three most common theories:
The Physiological Theory -- Our bodies induce yawning to drawn in more oxygen or remove a build-up of carbon dioxide. This theory helps explain why we yawn in groups. Larger groups produce more carbon dioxide, which means our bodies would act to draw in more oxygen and get rid of the excess carbon dioxide. However, if our bodies make us yawn to drawn in needed oxygen, wouldn't we yawn during exercise? Robert Provine, a psychologist at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, and a leading expert on yawning, has tested this theory. Giving people additional oxygen didn't decrease yawning and decreasing the amount of carbon dioxide in a subject's environment also didn't prevent yawning.
The Evolution Theory -- Some think that yawning is something that began with our ancestors, who used yawning to show their teeth and intimidate others. An offshoot of this theory is the idea that yawning developed from early man as a signal for us to change activities.
The Boredom Theory -- In the dictionary, yawning is said to be caused by boredom, fatigue or drowsiness. Although we do tend to yawn when bored or tired, this theory doesn't explain why Olympic athletes yawn right before they compete in their event. It's doubtful that they are bored with the world watching them.
The simple truth is that even though humans have been yawning for possibly as long as they have existed, we have no clue as to why we do it. Maybe it serves some healthful purpose. It does cause us to draw in more air and our hearts to race faster than normal, but so does exercise. There's still much we don't understand about our own brains, so maybe yawning is triggered by some area of the brain we have yet to discover. We do know that yawning is not limited to man. Cats, dogs, even fish yawn, which leads us back to the idea that yawning is some form of communication.
Have we provoked a yawn out of you yet? If we have, hopefully it's not out of boredom, but by the power of suggestion.
Interesting Yawning Facts
- The average yawn lasts about six seconds.
- Your heart rate can rise as much as 30 percent during a yawn.
- 55 percent of people will yawn within five minutes of seeing someone else yawn.
- Blind people yawn more after hearing an audio tape of people yawning.
- Reading about yawning will make you yawn.
- Olympic athletes often yawn before competition.
What's behind this mysterious epidemic of yawning? First, let's look at what a yawn is. Yawning is an involuntary action that causes us to open our mouths wide and breathe in deeply. We know it's involuntary because we do it even before we are born. Research shows that 11-week-old fetuses yawn.
There are many parts of the body that are in action when you yawn. First, your mouth opens and jaw drops, allowing as much air to be taken in as possible. When you inhale, the air taken in is filling your lungs. Your abdominal muscles flex and your diaphragm is pushed down. The air you breath in expands the lungs to capacity and then some of the air is blown back out.
While the dictionary tells us that yawning is caused by being fatigued, drowsy or bored, scientists are discovering that there is more to yawning than what most people think. Not much is known about why we yawn or if it serves any useful function, and very little research has been done on the subject. However, there are several theories about why we yawn. Here are the three most common theories:
The Physiological Theory -- Our bodies induce yawning to drawn in more oxygen or remove a build-up of carbon dioxide. This theory helps explain why we yawn in groups. Larger groups produce more carbon dioxide, which means our bodies would act to draw in more oxygen and get rid of the excess carbon dioxide. However, if our bodies make us yawn to drawn in needed oxygen, wouldn't we yawn during exercise? Robert Provine, a psychologist at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, and a leading expert on yawning, has tested this theory. Giving people additional oxygen didn't decrease yawning and decreasing the amount of carbon dioxide in a subject's environment also didn't prevent yawning.
The Evolution Theory -- Some think that yawning is something that began with our ancestors, who used yawning to show their teeth and intimidate others. An offshoot of this theory is the idea that yawning developed from early man as a signal for us to change activities.
The Boredom Theory -- In the dictionary, yawning is said to be caused by boredom, fatigue or drowsiness. Although we do tend to yawn when bored or tired, this theory doesn't explain why Olympic athletes yawn right before they compete in their event. It's doubtful that they are bored with the world watching them.
The simple truth is that even though humans have been yawning for possibly as long as they have existed, we have no clue as to why we do it. Maybe it serves some healthful purpose. It does cause us to draw in more air and our hearts to race faster than normal, but so does exercise. There's still much we don't understand about our own brains, so maybe yawning is triggered by some area of the brain we have yet to discover. We do know that yawning is not limited to man. Cats, dogs, even fish yawn, which leads us back to the idea that yawning is some form of communication.
Have we provoked a yawn out of you yet? If we have, hopefully it's not out of boredom, but by the power of suggestion.
Take a Guess
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
Answers further down.
ANSWERS:
1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.
3. Charcoal.
4. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
5. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
Answers further down.
ANSWERS:
1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.
3. Charcoal.
4. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
5. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.
Fwd By: Arun Selva Guru
Game Over
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey son, May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey son, May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Friday, January 27, 2006
Time To Laugh
Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot.
James : I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Asif : I want 2 help Deepa .
Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot.
James : I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Asif : I want 2 help Deepa .
Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
About Marriage
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished
What r Lovers For?
a sugar coated smile ,
a flaunting of style,
a star filled night,
a dinner in candle light,
a flight of dreams ,
a sholder of lean,
a VALENTINE,
a walk in cloud nine,
a(the catch up "end")...........
to say u have been a good friend and walk away with SOMEBODY else in the END.
a flaunting of style,
a star filled night,
a dinner in candle light,
a flight of dreams ,
a sholder of lean,
a VALENTINE,
a walk in cloud nine,
a(the catch up "end")...........
to say u have been a good friend and walk away with SOMEBODY else in the END.
Monkey and Lizard
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?"
The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and is going to get a drink from the river.
The lizard climbs down the tree, walks through the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with a monkey in a tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey you!"
"Duuuuuuuuuude!" the Monkey says when he looks down. "How much water did you drink?!"
The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and is going to get a drink from the river.
The lizard climbs down the tree, walks through the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with a monkey in a tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey you!"
"Duuuuuuuuuude!" the Monkey says when he looks down. "How much water did you drink?!"
Fwd By:Raghu T
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Damn Truck
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames
and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the
plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"
As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours
of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.
After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.
After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the damn brakes on that truck!"
and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the
plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"
As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours
of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.
After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.
After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the damn brakes on that truck!"
Although things are not perfect
A lthough things are not perfect
B ecause of trial or pain
C ontinue in thanksgiving
D o not begin to blame
E ven when the times are hard
F ierce winds are bound to blow
G od is forever able
H old on to what you know
I magine life without His love
J oy would cease to be
K eep thanking Him for all the things
L ove imparts to thee
M ove out of "Camp Complaining"
N o weapon that is known
O n earth can yield the power
P raise can do alone
Q uit looking at the future
R edeem the time at hand
S tart every day with worship
T o "thank" is a command
U ntil we see Him coming
V ictorious in the sky
W e'll run the race with gratitude
X alting God most high
Y es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!
B ecause of trial or pain
C ontinue in thanksgiving
D o not begin to blame
E ven when the times are hard
F ierce winds are bound to blow
G od is forever able
H old on to what you know
I magine life without His love
J oy would cease to be
K eep thanking Him for all the things
L ove imparts to thee
M ove out of "Camp Complaining"
N o weapon that is known
O n earth can yield the power
P raise can do alone
Q uit looking at the future
R edeem the time at hand
S tart every day with worship
T o "thank" is a command
U ntil we see Him coming
V ictorious in the sky
W e'll run the race with gratitude
X alting God most high
Y es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!
Smart Girl
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom.
The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy:
TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss (getting tired of the same questions by this time).
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one!
The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy:
TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss (getting tired of the same questions by this time).
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one!
How to Deal TeleMarketers?
Do you get lots of annoying calls from telemarketers?
Don't get upset about it! Use the opportunity to get a laugh!
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.
12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some food.
15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
16. Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell. If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not since it is such a great product.
17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder...louder...louder...
19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
20. Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back. If they say that they don't give out their phone number or they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at home. If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.
Don't get upset about it! Use the opportunity to get a laugh!
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.
12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some food.
15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
16. Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell. If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not since it is such a great product.
17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder...louder...louder...
19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
20. Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back. If they say that they don't give out their phone number or they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at home. If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Life isn't fair to men
Life isn't fair to men. When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
---------------------------------------------------------------
The average man's life consists of - twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
---------------------------------------------------------------
The average man's life consists of - twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
Try this Link
i've got a funny link for those who like fun. (and i hope not everyone
knows this one) -> Just try
http://www.passeports.info/index.php?lang=en
and enter your name and first name... I was so surprised that my banana got stuck in my throat when i saw that!
knows this one) -> Just try
http://www.passeports.info/index.php?lang=en
and enter your name and first name... I was so surprised that my banana got stuck in my throat when i saw that!
Praise the Lord
A Pastor was walking past a pet shop one day when he noticed a sign in the window: "Christian Horse for Sale." Being that the Pastor owned a large ranch, he was immediately interested, and went into the shop.
The owner took the Pastor out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion. He agreed to allow the Pastor
to take a "test run."
The Pastor grabbed the reins. "giddyap." The horse ignored him. "no, no," counseled the owner. This is a Christian horse. If you want him to move, you must say, "Praise the Lord!" The Pastor did as he was told, and the horse started off on a leisurely walk. However, he soon found that the horse would not stop. "He won't answer to 'Whoa', said the owner. It's "Amen."
The Pastor decided that he liked the horse, so he bought him and took him home to his ranch in the country. He saddled the horse up again, said, "Praise the Lord," and went riding into the countryside.
Suddenly, the horse saw a rattlesnake crossing the path. Frightened, he reared and bolted straight for a cliff.
The Pastor cried "whoa!" but the horse only ran faster. In vain, he tried one word after another. Finally, he
remembered the correct command and screamed "AMEN!!!!!" just as the horse approached the edge of the cliff.
The Pastor was so thrilled that his life had been saved that he raised his hands to the sky and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The owner took the Pastor out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion. He agreed to allow the Pastor
to take a "test run."
The Pastor grabbed the reins. "giddyap." The horse ignored him. "no, no," counseled the owner. This is a Christian horse. If you want him to move, you must say, "Praise the Lord!" The Pastor did as he was told, and the horse started off on a leisurely walk. However, he soon found that the horse would not stop. "He won't answer to 'Whoa', said the owner. It's "Amen."
The Pastor decided that he liked the horse, so he bought him and took him home to his ranch in the country. He saddled the horse up again, said, "Praise the Lord," and went riding into the countryside.
Suddenly, the horse saw a rattlesnake crossing the path. Frightened, he reared and bolted straight for a cliff.
The Pastor cried "whoa!" but the horse only ran faster. In vain, he tried one word after another. Finally, he
remembered the correct command and screamed "AMEN!!!!!" just as the horse approached the edge of the cliff.
The Pastor was so thrilled that his life had been saved that he raised his hands to the sky and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Deadly Virus ;)
There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).
If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK
put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE).
The quickest acting WINE type is called Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-All-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only available for those who can afford it, the next best equivalent is Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
The best way to test if you already have the WORK virus is to try forwarding this warning to 5 friends. If you do not
have 5 friends you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
This virus is DEADLY (Destroys-Every-Available-Decent-Living-Youngster).
Updated 11-01-06:
After extensive testing it has been concluded that
Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).
If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK
put your jacket on and take 2 good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE).
The quickest acting WINE type is called Swift-Hitting-Infiltrator-Remover-All-Zones (SHIRAZ) but this is only available for those who can afford it, the next best equivalent is Cheapest-Available-System-Killer (CASK).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
The best way to test if you already have the WORK virus is to try forwarding this warning to 5 friends. If you do not
have 5 friends you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
This virus is DEADLY (Destroys-Every-Available-Decent-Living-Youngster).
Updated 11-01-06:
After extensive testing it has been concluded that
Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application
Monday, January 23, 2006
Tongue Twisters
1.If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand".How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
3.Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
4.A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
5.Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
6.If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
7.I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
8.Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
9.Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
10.SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
11.The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
12.If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
13.We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
14.Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
15.A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue
16.If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
17.Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
3.Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
4.A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
5.Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
6.If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
7.I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
8.Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
9.Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
10.SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
11.The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
12.If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
13.We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
14.Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
15.A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue
16.If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
17.Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Traffic Camera
A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash.
Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera.
Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera.
AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went.
Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt.
Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera.
Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera.
AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went.
Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt.
Prescription
A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!
That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!"
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription".
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband!
That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!"
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription".
Three Envelopes
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open one of these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his witÃs end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first
envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded
positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message
read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his witÃs end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first
envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded
positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message
read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Bubbling Mind
[1] When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
[2] If you're being run out of town, get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade.
[3] From a wedding announcement in the Arlington, Texas, STAR-TELEGRAM: "The bride was given away by her father wearing her mother's veil."
[4] From a legal notice: "The case is now before the court and is awaiting a herring."
[5] Marquee outside a large building-supply store in Utah: "If it's in stock, we've got it!"
[6] It is not what teenagers know that bothers parents. It's how they found out.
[7] An emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
[8] Don't make your disorganization my emergency.
[9] Responsibility, -- take some -- it builds character.
[10] Pointed remarks are often not the sharpest.
[11] When someone disagrees with you -- it isn't necessary to excuse or justify yourself. Simply accept it and move on!
[12] Myths of Drunks and Idiots: Who ever gets the last word is right -- Who ever yells the loudest is more right.
[13] Don't pet the sweaty stuff and don't sweat the petty stuff.
[14] If you have difficulty laughing at yourself, I'll do it for you.
[15] It's funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
[16] I have always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific as to who.
[17] It is better to have loved and lost, than marry a woman you can't defrost.
[2] If you're being run out of town, get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade.
[3] From a wedding announcement in the Arlington, Texas, STAR-TELEGRAM: "The bride was given away by her father wearing her mother's veil."
[4] From a legal notice: "The case is now before the court and is awaiting a herring."
[5] Marquee outside a large building-supply store in Utah: "If it's in stock, we've got it!"
[6] It is not what teenagers know that bothers parents. It's how they found out.
[7] An emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
[8] Don't make your disorganization my emergency.
[9] Responsibility, -- take some -- it builds character.
[10] Pointed remarks are often not the sharpest.
[11] When someone disagrees with you -- it isn't necessary to excuse or justify yourself. Simply accept it and move on!
[12] Myths of Drunks and Idiots: Who ever gets the last word is right -- Who ever yells the loudest is more right.
[13] Don't pet the sweaty stuff and don't sweat the petty stuff.
[14] If you have difficulty laughing at yourself, I'll do it for you.
[15] It's funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
[16] I have always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific as to who.
[17] It is better to have loved and lost, than marry a woman you can't defrost.
Think Different
An Excpert.....
Some time ago I received a call from a colleague. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed a perfect score. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected.
I read the examination question:
"SHOW HOW IT IS POSSIBLE TO DETERMINE THE HEIGHT OF A TALL BUILDING WITH THE AID OF A BAROMETER."
The student had answered, "Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to the street, and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is the height of the building."
The student really had a strong case for full credit since he had really answered the question completely and correctly! On the other hand, if full credit were given, it could well contribute to a high grade in his physics
course and to certify competence in physics, but the answer did not confirm this.
I suggested that the student have another try. I gave the student six minutes to answer the question with the warning that the answer should show some knowledge of physics . At the end of five minutes, he had not written anything. I asked if he wished to give up, but he said he had many answers to this problem; he was just thinking of the best one . I excused myself for interrupting him and asked him to please go on.
In the next minute, he dashed off his answer, which read:
"Take the barometer to the top of the building andlean over the edge of the roof. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then, using the formula x=0.5*a*t^^2,calculate the height of the building."
At this point, I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded, and gave the student almost full credit.
While leaving my colleague's office, I recalled that the student had said that he had other answers to the problem, so I asked him what they were.
"Well," said the student, "there are many ways of getting the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.
For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and measure the height of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building, and by the use of simple proportion, determine the height of the building."
"Fine," I said, "and others?"
"Yes," said the student, "there is a very basic measurement method you will like. In this method, you take the barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer
along the wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the building in barometer units."
"A very direct method."
"Of course. If you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer to the end of a string, swing it as a pendulum, and determine the value of g at the street level and at the top of the building. From the difference between the two values of g, the height of the building, in principle, can be calculated."
"On this same tact, you could take the barometer to the top of the building,attach a long rope to it, lower it to just above the stree t, and then swing it as a pendulum. You could then calculate the height of the building by the period of the precession".
"Finally," he concluded, "there are many other ways of solving the problem.Probably the best," he said, "is to take the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent's door. When the superintendent answers, you
speak to him as follows: 'Mr. Superintendent, here is a fine barometer. If you will tell me the height of the building, I will give you this barometer."
At this point, I asked the student if he really did not know the conventional answer to this question. He admitted that he did, but said that he was fed up with high school and college instructors trying to teach him how to think.
The student was Neils Bohr (quantum theory & physics & mechanics, hydrogen atom guru etc ) and the arbiter Rutherford.
THINK DIFFERENT!!!!
Sent by : Raghu T
Some time ago I received a call from a colleague. He was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question, while the student claimed a perfect score. The instructor and the student agreed to an impartial arbiter, and I was selected.
I read the examination question:
"SHOW HOW IT IS POSSIBLE TO DETERMINE THE HEIGHT OF A TALL BUILDING WITH THE AID OF A BAROMETER."
The student had answered, "Take the barometer to the top of the building, attach a long rope to it, lower it to the street, and then bring it up, measuring the length of the rope. The length of the rope is the height of the building."
The student really had a strong case for full credit since he had really answered the question completely and correctly! On the other hand, if full credit were given, it could well contribute to a high grade in his physics
course and to certify competence in physics, but the answer did not confirm this.
I suggested that the student have another try. I gave the student six minutes to answer the question with the warning that the answer should show some knowledge of physics . At the end of five minutes, he had not written anything. I asked if he wished to give up, but he said he had many answers to this problem; he was just thinking of the best one . I excused myself for interrupting him and asked him to please go on.
In the next minute, he dashed off his answer, which read:
"Take the barometer to the top of the building andlean over the edge of the roof. Drop the barometer, timing its fall with a stopwatch. Then, using the formula x=0.5*a*t^^2,calculate the height of the building."
At this point, I asked my colleague if he would give up. He conceded, and gave the student almost full credit.
While leaving my colleague's office, I recalled that the student had said that he had other answers to the problem, so I asked him what they were.
"Well," said the student, "there are many ways of getting the height of a tall building with the aid of a barometer.
For example, you could take the barometer out on a sunny day and measure the height of the barometer, the length of its shadow, and the length of the shadow of the building, and by the use of simple proportion, determine the height of the building."
"Fine," I said, "and others?"
"Yes," said the student, "there is a very basic measurement method you will like. In this method, you take the barometer and begin to walk up the stairs. As you climb the stairs, you mark off the length of the barometer
along the wall. You then count the number of marks, and this will give you the height of the building in barometer units."
"A very direct method."
"Of course. If you want a more sophisticated method, you can tie the barometer to the end of a string, swing it as a pendulum, and determine the value of g at the street level and at the top of the building. From the difference between the two values of g, the height of the building, in principle, can be calculated."
"On this same tact, you could take the barometer to the top of the building,attach a long rope to it, lower it to just above the stree t, and then swing it as a pendulum. You could then calculate the height of the building by the period of the precession".
"Finally," he concluded, "there are many other ways of solving the problem.Probably the best," he said, "is to take the barometer to the basement and knock on the superintendent's door. When the superintendent answers, you
speak to him as follows: 'Mr. Superintendent, here is a fine barometer. If you will tell me the height of the building, I will give you this barometer."
At this point, I asked the student if he really did not know the conventional answer to this question. He admitted that he did, but said that he was fed up with high school and college instructors trying to teach him how to think.
The student was Neils Bohr (quantum theory & physics & mechanics, hydrogen atom guru etc ) and the arbiter Rutherford.
THINK DIFFERENT!!!!
Sent by : Raghu T
Confession
An elderly Italian man who lived in the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession.
He said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son and you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."
The priest said: "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people together under those circumstances are greatly tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."
"Thank you Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?" said the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
He said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son and you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."
The priest said: "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people together under those circumstances are greatly tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."
"Thank you Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?" said the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
Wonderfull Designation of Offices
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
The Monk
A long time ago, in Tibet, an army was invading the country. People
were leaving their villages long before the armies arrived because they had heard of their awful reputation for violence, killing etc. especially the General.
The army arrived in a small village and just like in all the other
little villages, it was apparently deserted except… there was a little monk just sitting there meditating. When he was found, the General was alerted and was furious. He demanded to see the monk. He looked at the monk and said, "Do you not know who I am? I can cut off your head with this sword without batting an eye".
The monk replied smiling, "Do you not know who I am, sir," and paused,"
I am the one who can have his head cut off without batting an eye.
Apparently the General was so taken aback and humbled that he bowed and left the monk alone.
were leaving their villages long before the armies arrived because they had heard of their awful reputation for violence, killing etc. especially the General.
The army arrived in a small village and just like in all the other
little villages, it was apparently deserted except… there was a little monk just sitting there meditating. When he was found, the General was alerted and was furious. He demanded to see the monk. He looked at the monk and said, "Do you not know who I am? I can cut off your head with this sword without batting an eye".
The monk replied smiling, "Do you not know who I am, sir," and paused,"
I am the one who can have his head cut off without batting an eye.
Apparently the General was so taken aback and humbled that he bowed and left the monk alone.
Umbrella Cost
One Bengali Babu went to Cannought Place in New Delhi to purchase an umbrella. He had been told in Calcutta that one could bargain for better prices in Delhi also. Bengali Baboo: How much does this umbrella cost?
Shopkeeper: Rs. 200
Bengali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 100?
Shopkeeper: Ok I'll give it to you for Rs.150.
Bangali Babu: Well can I have it for Rs. 75 then?
Shopkeeper: OK, take it for Rs. 100.
Bangali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 50?
Ths shopkeeper is pretty angry now: Why don't you take it for free??!!
Bengali Babu: OK, can I have two of them?
Shopkeeper: Rs. 200
Bengali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 100?
Shopkeeper: Ok I'll give it to you for Rs.150.
Bangali Babu: Well can I have it for Rs. 75 then?
Shopkeeper: OK, take it for Rs. 100.
Bangali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 50?
Ths shopkeeper is pretty angry now: Why don't you take it for free??!!
Bengali Babu: OK, can I have two of them?
Google Exclusive
Fathers Day |
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Mothers Day |
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Halloween Day |
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Womens Day |
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National Teachers Day  |
Earth Day |
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Alfred Hitchcock's Birthday |
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Valentines Day |
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Water Day |
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National Library Day |
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St. Patrick's Day |
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St. George's Day |
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Da Vinci's Birthday |
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Ray Charles' Birthday |
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Dragon Day |
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Michelangelo's Birthday |
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Einstein's Birthday |
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Sent by : Arun Selva Guru |
Realize
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident...
To! realize
The value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend: Lose one.
Sent by : Pavithra C
The value of a sister
Ask someone Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident...
To! realize
The value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend: Lose one.
Sent by : Pavithra C
Monday, January 16, 2006
Old Couple
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......."
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......."
Never Marry...
Never marry a Testing girl since she always doubts U.
Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
Time to go to school
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. 'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!'
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Office Language
Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and... What they really mean!
1.For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2.Noted and returned.
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
3.Review and comment.
Meaning : Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4. Action please.
Meaning : Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5.For your necessary action.
Meaning : It's your headache now.
6.Copy to.
Meaning : Here's a share of my headache.
7.For your approval, please.
Meaning : Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
8.Action is being taken.
Meaning : Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
9.Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning : I am trying to figure out what you want.
10.Please discuss.
Meaning : I don't know what the "****" this is, so please brief me.
11.For your immediate action.
Meaning : Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
12.Please reply soon.
Meaning : Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
13.We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities. Meaning : They are causing the delay, not us.
14.Regards.
Meaning : Thanks and bless you for reading all the bulls h it.
1.For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2.Noted and returned.
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
3.Review and comment.
Meaning : Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4. Action please.
Meaning : Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5.For your necessary action.
Meaning : It's your headache now.
6.Copy to.
Meaning : Here's a share of my headache.
7.For your approval, please.
Meaning : Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
8.Action is being taken.
Meaning : Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
9.Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning : I am trying to figure out what you want.
10.Please discuss.
Meaning : I don't know what the "****" this is, so please brief me.
11.For your immediate action.
Meaning : Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
12.Please reply soon.
Meaning : Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
13.We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities. Meaning : They are causing the delay, not us.
14.Regards.
Meaning : Thanks and bless you for reading all the bulls h it.
Santa Banta Rocks
Once Santa and Banta happened to be together in Delhi. Having excursion tickets, they boarded a DTC double decker.
Banta, finding no vacant seat in the lower deck, went to the upper deck and took a seat.
He was surprised to see that there was no driver in the upper deck. Showing his anxiety, he asked Santa if there was a driver in the lower deck.
Promptly came the reply that there was indeed a driver.
Banta then said, God is driving this upper deck himself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Santa Singh spoke frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked.
'No, you idiot!' Santa shouted. 'This is her husband!'
Banta, finding no vacant seat in the lower deck, went to the upper deck and took a seat.
He was surprised to see that there was no driver in the upper deck. Showing his anxiety, he asked Santa if there was a driver in the lower deck.
Promptly came the reply that there was indeed a driver.
Banta then said, God is driving this upper deck himself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Santa Singh spoke frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked.
'No, you idiot!' Santa shouted. 'This is her husband!'
Means to be British
One of the national daily papers in Australia is asking for comments about "what it means to be British" these days.
This one is from a chap in Switzerland stands out:
"...Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curryor a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British think of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Brain Exercise (Contd....)
If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour? One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree", you are to be
congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league.
congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league.
Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.
In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on.
In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU. Read the first line!!!
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