Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Know About him - John Logie Baird

John Logie Baird (1888-1946) was a Scottish inventor and engineer who was a pioneer in the development of mechanical television. In 1924, Baird televised objects in outline. In 1925, he televised human faces. In 1926, Baird was the first person to televise pictures of objects in motion. In 1930, Baird made the first public broadcast of a TV show, from his studio to the London Coliseum Cinema; the screen consisted of a 6-ft by 3-ft array of 2,100 tiny flashlamp bulbs. Baird developed a color television in 1928, and a stereo television in 1946. Baird's mechanical television was usurped by electronic television, which he also worked on.

Todays Toon

Scotsman thrift

A Scotsman asks the dentist the cost for a tooth extraction.
"£85 for an extraction sir," was the dentist's reply.

"£85? Huv ye no' got anythin' cheaper?"
"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"
"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off."

Whit aboot if ye used wan o yer dentist trainees and still withoot the anesthetic?"
"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to £40."

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, 'ave yer student do the extraction wae' the other students watchin' and learnin?"
"It'll be good for the students," mulled the dentist. "OK, I'll charge you £5. But it will be traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman.
"Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

Pastor's Last Request

An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands and motioned
for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered that the old man would ask them to be with him
during his final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them. Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come
here?"

The old pastor mustered all his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go.

What does it tell you??

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks. "Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Know About him - Alfred Mosher Butts

The word game Scrabble® was developed by Alfred Mosher Butts in 1948. James Brunot did some rearranging of the squares and simplified the rules. A copyright was granted on December 1, 1948. Alfred Butts had been an architect, but lost his job in 1931 (during the depression). He then began developing games, including Lexico, Criss-Crosswords, and them Scrabble®. After about 4 years of paltry sales, Scrabble® became a hit.

Todays Toon














Fwd By: Mathuram

Fine Piece of Advice

Two men were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path.

One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches.

The other, seeing that he will be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could.

The Bear soon left him, for it is said that Bears will never touch a dead body.

When he was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear.

"He gave me this advice," his companion replied. "Never trust and never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger."

Fathers Last Request

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Time To Laugh

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
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A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
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"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-~*-
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
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"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."
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We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
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"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."

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"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

Monday, May 29, 2006

Know About him - Luther Burbank

Luther Burbank (1849-1926) was an American plant breeder who developed over 800 new strains of plants, including many popular varieties of potato, plums, prunes, berries, trees, and flowers. One of his greatest inventions was the Russet Burbank potato (also called the Idaho potato), which he developed in 1871. This blight-resistant potato helped Ireland recover from its devastating potato famine of 1840-60. Burbank also developed the Flaming Gold nectarine, the Santa Rosa plum, and the Shasta daisy. Burbank was raised on a farm and only went to elementary school; he was self-educated. Burbank applied the works of Charles Darwin to plants. Of Darwin's The Variation of Animals and Plants under Domestication, Burbank said, "It opened up a new world to me."

Todays Toon














Fwd By: Mathuram

Time To Laugh

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
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"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
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My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
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"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait someone else is using it."
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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
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"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
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I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.
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But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
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It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
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"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from.

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Three Stunning Gorgeous Daughters

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the esponsibility to marry the perfect woman ;so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning,gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.

So he explained his mission to the farmer, asked for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, They looking to get married,so you came to the right place .

Look 'em over and pick the one you want.

The man dated the first daughter. the next day the farmer asked for the man'sopinion. Well ,said the man, "she just a wee bit, not that you can hardly notice ..pidgin -toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the thee girls;so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer agin asked how things went ?

" Well,the man replied,she's just a wee bit , not that you can hardly tell.....cross-eyed." The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did .

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,she 's perfect,just perfect. She the one i want to marry.

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified;the baby was the ugliest ,most pathetic human you can imagine .

He rushed to his father-in law,asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well, explained the farmer," She was just a wee bit,not that you could hardly tell..she was already pregnant when you met her ."

ATM Joke

A customer was drawing money from ATM. The thief behind him in the line said,
"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password.
Its 4 asterisks(****).

The customer replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong. It's 2539."

Know About him - Edwin Beard Budding

The first lawn mower was invented in 1830 by Edwin Beard Budding. Budding (1795-1846) was an engineer from Stroud, Gloucestershire, England. His reel mower was a set of blades set in a cylinder on two wheels. When you push the lawn mower, the cylinder rotates, and the blades cut the grass. Budding patented his lawn mower on August 31, 1830. Before his invention, a scythe was used (or sheep or other grazing animals were allowed to graze on the grass). The first reel lawn mower patent in the US (January 12, 1868) was granted to Amariah M. Hills, who formed the Archimedean Lawn Mower Co.

Todays Toon














Fwd By: Mathuram

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Reservation

Manmohan Singh to Bush: - We are sending Indians to the moon next year.

Bush: - Wow! How many?

M.S:- 100!

Bush: - Can you take some of ours?

M.S:- No!

Bush: - Why?

M.S:- We have 25 OBC, 20 SC, 15 ST, and 5 Handicap, 5 Sports Person, 2 Kashimri Migrants, 8 Politicians, 18 General & if possible 2 Astronauts! Reservation yarr. Now tell Mr Bush how can I take yours?

Bush fainted..............


Sent By : Ashish Jain

Directions

A woman is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says:''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A,and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left.

With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you''

The boyfriend says: 'Baby, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?'

"Oh my God!!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''

Foreign Language

A Swiss guy visited Sydney, Australia, and pulled up at a bus stop where two locals were waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asked.

The two Aussies just stared at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tried. The two continued to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?"

Other than a glance at each other, there was still no response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"

Still nothing.

The Swiss guy gave up and drove off, extremely disgusted. When he was gone, the first Aussie turned to the second
and said, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" the other replied. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Know About him - Braille Louis

Louis Braille (1809-1852) invented a coded system of raised dots that are used by the blind to read. He was blinded as a child, and invented his extraordinary system in his early teens. In 1829, Braille published "The Method of Writing Words, Music, and Plain Song by Means of Dots, for Use by the Blind and Arranged by Them." His method, called Braille, is still in use around the world today. Louis Braille is buried in the Pantheon in Paris, as a French national hero.

Todays Toon















Fwd By: Mathuram

What do Unborn Babies think of ??























Fwd By: Dhinesh

Top 20 replies by Programmers to Testers when their programs don't work

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"

And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't work:

Guess Guess.............


Come on, even u say it ......


Guess.............



"It works on my machine"


Fwd By: Govindarajan



Some Rules cant be followed

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing she asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

She scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mrs. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling............ My name is John Darling."

"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "

Fwd By : Dhinesh

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Know About him - Jacques Edwin Brandenberger

Cellophane is a thin, transparent, waterproof, protective film that is used in many types of packaging. It was invented in 1908 by Jacques Edwin Brandenberger, a Swiss chemist. He had originally intended cellophane to be bonded onto fabric to make a waterproof textile, but the new cloth was brittle and not useful. Cellophane proved very useful all alone as a packaging material. Chemists at the Dupont company (who later bought the rights to cellophane) made cellophane waterproof in 1927.

Todays Toon















Fwd By: Mathuram

THE BOSS

Once upon a time, all the organs of the body decided to have a meeting, to decide who should become the BOSS .

"I should be the boss," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be the boss," said the blood , "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be the boss," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be the boss," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be the boss," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

Then the asshole shouted from below, "I should be the boss, because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the asshole and began to insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. Finally, they all decided that the asshole should be the boss.

The moral of the story is that you don't have to be the brain to be the boss; even an asshole can be the BOSS!!!


Sent by: Murali T

Impossible for GOD

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said:
"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific!

The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard to me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time.

Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says "nothing's wrong", and how I can make a woman truly happy."

.
.
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Fwd By: Mathuram

Illusion

Check this out thing given below.
Try to Decipher the code written in black.


If u cant then follow the guidelines given below the code.
You wont beleive it......its really amazing thing... :-D







Now try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese............... It works n u can read it......Check it out!
Close yor eyes almost 90% so that you can actually read it!.

Fwd By: Mathuram

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Know About him - Katherine J. Blodgett

Katherine J. Blodgett (1898-1979) was an American physicist and inventor who invented a micro-thin barium stearate film that makes glass completely nonreflective and "invisible" (patent #2,220,660, March 16, 1938). Blodgett's invention has been used in eyeglasses, camera lenses, telescopes, microscopes, periscopes, and projector lenses. Blodgett also invented a gauge that measured the thickness of this type of coating (which can be only a few molecules thick), called a "color gauge."

Todays Toon















Fwd By: Mathuram

How Much does it take to Enjoy

Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.

A winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaat.
Four glasses of chai.

Hundred bucks of gas.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.

3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.

Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.

You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.

You can spend
hundreds on birthdays,
thousands on festivals,
lakhs on weddings,
but to celebrate
all you have to spend is your Time.

It doesn't take much after all ..

Sent By: Sivaraj

Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approach es the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: B u t the liar told you I was speeding, too.

MORAL: Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies

Racism

This scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg, South Africa and London, England.

A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Obviously disturbed by this, she called the airhostess. "You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available"

The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there is no other available seat in the Economy Class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in the First Class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the Economy Class to sit in the First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone sooooo disgusting." She turned to the black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class.


At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up and applauded.

Sent by: Ashish Jain

Monday, May 22, 2006

Know About him - Berson Solomon A.

Dr. Solomon A. Berson (1919-1972) and Dr. Rosalyn Sussman Yalow (1921- ) co-invented the radioimmunoassay (RIA) in 1959. The radioimmunoassay is a method of chemically analyzing human blood and tissue that is used diagnose illness (like diabetes). RIA revolutionized diagnoses because it used only a tiny sample of blood or tissue and is a relatively inexpensive and simple test to perform. Blood banks use RIA to screen blood; RIA is used to detect drug use, high blood pressure, infertility, and many other conditions and diseases. For inventing RIA, Yalow won the Nobel Prize in Medicine in 1977 (Yalow accepted for Berson, who died in 1972). Yalow and Berson did not patent the RIA; instead they allowed the common use of RIA to benefit human health.

710

This doesn't mean all women are stupid when it comes to cars.... But there always some exceptions!! Yesterday I was having some work done at the Ford dealer.

A woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her To draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there." Now open the photo to learn what a 710 is.........




Brian the Hen

Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".

Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back
as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".

"Never" replies Brian

"Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him... ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting,

"Brian, wake up you drunken Idiot, you're sh*tting the bed"

What is confidence ????

A hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system.

Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse. One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed.

Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies : "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off." !!!!

That is called Confidence!!!

The 99 Club

Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content.

One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, Unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy in his heart?

The King asked the servant, "Why are you so happy?"

The man replied, "Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don't need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies."

Later in the day, the King sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99
Club."

"The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the King inquired.

The advisor replied, "Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's doorstep."

When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... so many gold coins!

He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, "What could've happened to that last gold coin?

Surely, no one would leave 99 coins!" He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete
his collection.

From that day, the servant's life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.

Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, "Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club."

He continued, "The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never contented, because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1 to round it out to 100!

We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we're given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our
growing needs and desires. That's what joining The 99 Club is all about."

Sent By: Ashish Jain

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Know About him - Tim Berners Lee

Tim Berners-Lee (1955, London, England - ) invented the World Wide Web. His first version of the Web was a program named "Enquire," short for "Enquire Within Upon Everything". At the time, Berners-Lee was working at CERN, the European Particle Physics Laboratory located in Geneva, Switzerland.

He invented the system as a way of sharing scientific data (and other information) around the world, using the Internet, a world-wide network of computers, and hypertext documents. He wrote the language HTML (HyperText Mark-up Language), the basic language for the Web, and devised URL's (universal resource locators) to designate the location of each web page. HTTP (HyperText Transfer Protocol) was his set of rules for linking to pages on the Web.

After he wrote the first browser in 1990, the World Wide Web was up and going. Its growth was (and still is) phenomenal, and has changed the world, making information more accessible than ever before in history. Berners-Lee is now a Principal Research Scientist at the Laboratory for Computer Science at the MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology, in Cambridge, Massachusett, USA) and the Director of the W3 Consortium.

Sardar Toons

Cant take another chance

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance

Helplines in India

Airways
Indian Airlines - 1600 180 1407
Jet Airways - 1600 22 5522
SpiceJet - 1600 180 3333

Automobiles
Mahindra Scorpio - 1600 22 6006
Maruti - 1600 111 515
Tata Motors - 1600 22 5552
Windshield Experts - 1600 11 3636

Banks
ABN AMRO - 1600 11 2224
Canara Bank - 1600 44 6000
Citibank - 1600 44 2265
Corporatin Bank - 1600 443 555
Development Credit Bank - 1600 22 5769
HDFC Bank - 1600 227 227
ICICI Bank - 1600 333 499
ICICI Bank NRI - 1600 22 4848
IDBI Bank - 1600 11 6999
Indian Bank - 1600 425 1400
ING Vysya - 1600 44 9900
Kotak Mahindra Bank - 1600 22 6022
Lord Krishna Bank - 1600 11 2300
Punjab National Bank - 1600 122 222
State Bank of India - 1600 44 1955
Syndicate Bank - 1600 44 6655

Cell Phones
BenQ - 1600 22 08 08
Bird CellPhones - 1600 11 7700
Motorola MotoAssist - 1600 11 1211
Nokia - 3030 3838
Sony Ericsson - 3901 1111



Computers/IT
Adrenalin - 1600 444 445
AMD - 1600 425 6664
Apple Computers - 1600 444 683
Canon - 1600 333 366
Cisco Systems - 1600 221 777
Compaq - HP - 1600 444 999
Data One Broadband - 1600 424 1600
Dell - 1600 444 026
Epson - 1600 44 0011
eSys - 3970 0011
Genesis Tally Academy - 1600 444 888
HCL - 1600 180 8080
IBM - 1600 443 333
Lexmark - 1600 22 4477
Marshal's Point - 1600 33 4488
Microsoft - 1600 111 100
Microsoft Virus Update - 1901 333 334
Seagate - 1600 180 1104
Symantec - 1600 44 5533
TVS Electronics - 1600 444 566
WeP Peripherals - 1600 44 6446
Wipro - 1600 333 312
xerox - 1600 180 1225
Zenith - 1600 222 004

Couriers/Packers & Movers
ABT Courier - 1600 44 8585
AFL Wizz - 1600 22 9696
Agarwal Packers & Movers - 1600 11 4321
Associated Packers P Ltd - 1600 21 4560
DHL - 1600 111 345
FedEx - 1600 22 6161
Goel Packers & Movers - 1600 11 3456
UPS - 1600 22 7171

Education
Edu Plus - 1600 444 000
Hindustan College - 1600 33 4438
NCERT - 1600 11 1265
Vellore Institute of Technology - 1600 441 555

Healthcare
Best on Health - 1600 11 8899
Dr Batras - 1600 11 6767
GlaxoSmithKline - 1600 22 8797
Johnson & Johnson - 1600 22 8111
Kaya Skin Clinic - 1600 22 5292
LifeCell - 1600 44 5323
Manmar Technologies - 1600 33 4420
Pfizer - 1600 442 442
Roche Accu-Chek - 1600 11 45 46
Rudraksha - 1600 21 4708
Varilux Lenses - 1600 44 8383
VLCC - 1600 33 1262

Home Appliances
Aiwa/Sony - 1600 11 1188
Anchor Switches - 1600 22 7979
Blue Star - 1600 22 2200
Bose Audio - 1600 11 2673
Bru Coffee Vending Machines - 1600 44 7171
Daikin Air Conditioners - 1600 444 222
DishTV - 1600 12 3474
Faber Chimneys - 1600 21 4595
Godrej - 1600 22 5511
Grundfos Pumps - 1600 33 4555
LG - 1901 180 9999
Philips - 1600 22 4422
Samsung - 1600 113 444
Sanyo - 1600 11 0101
Voltas - 1600 33 4546
WorldSpace Satellite Radio - 1600 44 5432

Hotel Reservations
GRT Grand - 1600 44 5500
InterContinental Hotels Group - 1600 111 000
Marriott - 1600 22 0044
Sarovar Park Plaza - 1600 111 222
Taj Holidays - 1600 111 825

Insurance
AMP Sanmar - 1600 44 2200
Aviva - 1600 33 2244
Bajaj Allianz - 1600 22 5858
Chola MS General Insurance - 1600 44 5544
HDFC Standard Life - 1600 227 227
LIC - 1600 33 4433
Max New York Life - 1600 33 5577
Royal Sundaram - 1600 33 8899
SBI Life Insurance - 1600 22 9090

Mattresses
Kurl-on - 1600 44 0404
Sleepwell - 1600 11 2266

Investments/Finance
CAMS - 1600 44 2267
Chola Mutual Fund - 1600 22 2300
Easy IPO's - 3030 5757
Fidelity Investments - 1600 180 8000
Franklin Templeton Fund - 1600 425 4255
J M Morgan Stanley - 1600 22 0004
Kotak Mutual Fund - 1600 222 626
LIC Housing Finance - 1600 44 0005
SBI Mutual Fund - 1600 22 3040
Sharekhan - 1600 22 7500
Tata Mutual Fund - 1600 22 0101

Paints
Asian Paints Home Solutions - 1600 22 5678
Berger Paints Home Decor - 1600 33 8800

Teleshopping
Asian Sky Shop - 1600 22 1600
Jaipan Teleshoppe - 1600 11 5225
Tele Brands - 1600 11 8000
VMI Teleshopping - 1600 447 777
WWS Teleshopping - 1600 220 777

Travel
Club Mahindra Holidays - 1600 33 4539
Cox & Kings - 1600 22 1235
God TV Tours - 1600 442 777
Kerala Tourism - 1600 444 747
Kumarakom Lake Resort - 1600 44 5030
Raj Travels & Tours - 1600 22 9900
Sita Tours - 1600 111 911
SOTC Tours - 1600 22 3344

UPS
APC - 1600 44 4272
Numeric - 1600 44 3266

Others
Consumer Helpline - 1600 11 4000
L'Oréal, GARNIeR - 1600 223 000
KONE Elevator - 1600 444 666
Indane - 1600 44 51 15
Aavin - 1600 44 3300
Pedigree - 1600 11 2121
Kodak India - 1600 22 8877
Domino's Pizza - 1600 111 123
World Vision India - 1600 444 550
Telecom Monitoring Cell - 1600 110 420

Love is knocking

Love is knocking on the door,
Knock! Knock! Comes the sound,
Don’t open it in haste, think before,
Then open your arms to it or turn around.

Love is pain,
Yet it gives pleasure,
Love drains away like the falling rain,
Yet is more precious than a treasure.

Love is stark madness,
Love is a passion,
It is achy like an abscess,
It is a silent communication.

Love is still knocking on the door,
Open it or keep it closed,
It won’t knock again on your door,
Leave it or be someone’s beloved.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Know About him - Henry Bell

Henry Bell (1767-1830) was a Scottish engineer and inventor who built a steam-powered boat in 1812. His 12-foot (3.5-meter) steamboat, called the Comet, was the first commercially successful steamship in Europe. This boat regularly sailed between Greenock and Glasgow (Scotland) along the River Clyde. The Comet was the beginning of a revolution in navigation.

Inventions and Discoveries - XX

Wheel : (cart, solid wood) Mesopotamia, c.3800-3600 B.C.
Windmill : Persia, c.600.
World Wide Web : (developed while working at CERN) Tim Berners-Lee, England, 1989; (development of Mosaic browser makes WWW available for general use) Marc Andreeson, U.S.A., 1993.

X-ray Imaging : Wilhelm Conrad Rontgen, Germany, 1895.
Xerography : Chester Carlson, U.S.A., 1900.

Zero : India, c.600; (absolute zero temperature, cessation of all molecular energy) William Thompson, Lord Kelvin, England, 1848.

Friend for Dinner

*"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for
supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the
dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Coming to an Age

I went to see a specialist Doctor on referral. The nurse asked me what medicines do you take. I gave her a paper list of all regular medicines I take for survival.

She complemented me, "You are very well organized!"

I said. "No.., these days I put nothing to memory, all on paper."

She sympathized and enjoyed patient like me.

The beautiful lady Doctor followed and put me on table lying my face up. With her chest touching my head, me looking through her beautiful nose, face and curvature and enjoying her smooth skin, she did ultra sonic.

She told me, "Uncle, you have AADD."

I asked her, "Doctor will I survive? I heard of AID, but what the hell this was?"

She explained, "Aged Attention Deficit Disorder."

I asked her, "Doctor give me straight. Am I dying?"

She laughed and said, "No but you have come to an age."

She was right. I had following symptoms manifested:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter , fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:




The driveway is flooded
The car isn't washed,
The bills aren't paid,
There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
There is still only one check in my check book,
I can't find my remote,
I can't find my glasses, and
I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realized this as a serious problem, and decided to come to Doctor. But then I decided to check my Emails and send some to friends. I am on computer and I don't remember why I am on computer.

Boy, I have come to an age in my life.

Inside the body

Effort

Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed?

The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work.

He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars. "What?" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!" So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an Itemized Bill."

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer ...................... $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap....................... $ 9998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

Fwd By: Mathuram

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Know About him - Alexander Graham Bell

Alexander Graham Bell (March 3, 1847, Edinburgh, Scotland - August 2, 1922, Baddek, Nova Scotia) invented the telephone (with Thomas Watson) in 1876. Bell also improved Thomas Edison's phonograph. Bell invented the multiple telegraph (1875), the hydroairplane, the photo-sensitive selenium cell (the photophone, a wireless phone, developed with Sumner Tainter), and new techniques for teaching the deaf to speak. In 1882, Bell and his
father-in-law, Gardiner Hubbard, bought and re-organized the journal "Science." Bell, Hubbard and others founded the National Geographic Society in 1888; Bell was the President of the National Geographic Society from 1898 to 1903.

Inventions and Discoveries - XIX

Velcro : George de Mestral, Switzerland, 1948.
Video Disk : Philips Co., The Netherlands, 1972.
Vitamins : (hypothesis of disease deficiency) Sir F. G. Hopkins, Casimir Funk, England, 1912; (vitamin A) Elmer V. McCollum, M. Davis, U.S.A., 1912-1914; (vitamin B) McCollum, U.S.A., 1915-1916; (thiamin B1) Casimir
Funk, England, 1912; ( riboflavin, B2) D. T. Smith, E. G. Hendrick, U.S.A., 1926; (niacin) Conrad Elvehjem, U.S.A., 1937; (B6) Paul Gyorgy, U.S.A., 1934; (vitamin C) C. A. Hoist, T. Froelich, Norway, 1912; (vitamin D) McCollum, U.S.A., 1922; (folic acid) Lucy Wills, England, 1933.

Beware

I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I noticed an old lady following me around. Thinking nothing of it, I ignored her and continued on. Finally I went to the checkout line, but she got in front of me.


"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."


"I'm very sorry," I said to her, "Is there anything I can do for you?"


"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mom?' It would make me feel so much better."


"Sure," I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it. As the old woman was leaving, I called out, "Good Bye, Mom!"


As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was $1027.50.


"How can that be?" I asked, "I only purchased a few things!"


"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

Men Vs Women

Scientists for Health Mexico recently suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The inference had been that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men:

Gained weight
Talked excessively without making sense
Became overly emotional
Couldn't drive
Failed to think rationally
Argued over nothing

All Scientists unanimously agreed that the Beer successfully converted men into women.

Elderly Proposal

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes'
or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

How to Make Woman Happy

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.


Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and
points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she
expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the
points system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed ...............................,,,,,,,,,,,....................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..,,,.. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.........................-1
You leave the toilet seat up....................................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..................... 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom............-2
You go out to buy her breakfast to be served in bed................+5
In the snow..........................................................................+8
But return with a six pack of beer...........................................-5
And forget the breakfast.......................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.............................. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.................. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.............+5
You whack it with a six iron.................................................+10
It's her cat...........................................................................-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party....................................... 0
You leave her to chat with a college drinking buddy..................-2
Named Tiffany.......................................................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer................................................................-10
With breast implants...........................................................-18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.....................................................0
You buy a card and flowers.....................................................0
You take her out to dinner...................................................... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..................+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..........................................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..................................................-3
And your face is painted the colors of your best team.............-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal.........................................................................0
The pal is happily married.....................................................+1
The pal is single....................................................................-7
He drives a Ferrari...............................................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)......................-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.........................................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes...........................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate...........................................+6
You take her to a movie you like.............................................-2
It's called Death Cop 3...........................................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans................................-9
You told her it was a foreign film about orphans......................-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly.........................................-15
You exercise to get rid of it..................................................+10
You resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts...............-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....................-800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding....................................................-10
You reply, "Where?".............................................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt".....................................-100
Any other response..............................................................-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression...........................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes................................................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience........+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear
her saying "well, what do you think I should do"......................-50
You listen for 30 minutes without looking at the TV................+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep................-200

Monday, May 15, 2006

About MMS - II

However, the steps for MMS are different:
The sender sends a message to the MMSC

When the MMSC receives the message, the MMSC sends confirmation. The
sender then gets a 'message sent'.

MMSC sends the receiver a notification that a new message is waiting
The receiver can then download the message immediately or download
it later. Once the message is successfully downloaded, the receiver
gets a 'Message Received' indication.

Once the receiver has successfully downloaded the message, the
sender gets a 'Message Delivered' message.
SMS uses signalling links that have limited spare capacity. MMS uses
main data channels (initially GPRS) that enable multimedia messages
to be sent.

Both SMS and MMS are store and forward systems and are not real
time.

Unlike SMS, MMS can use user profiles to determine when content
should be delivered - for example a user may choose to receive
certain messages after working hours.

MMS can undertake format conversion based on terminal
characteristics and user profile. This does not apply to SMS.
In the SMS environment, storage of messages is not an issue since
the size of a message is small and the issue of storing a message
arises only when the recipient is not available (which is the
exception rather than the rule). In contrast, MMS messages can be
larger. Also, they may be stored in the recipient's MMSC for longer
(since they may not be downloaded immediately). This introduces a
cost. Further, users may like to 'store the message' more
permanently There is an opportunity for storage companies to provide
such services for example photo albums.

Unlike the SMSC, design of the MMSC is not monolithic. Hence, MMSC
design comprises multiple elements. An operator may mix and match
these elements from various vendors.

Access to MMS messages should be independent of access points - MMS
messages could be accessed through 3G, 2G networks, fixed line
networks etc.

SMS does not have a concept of a user profile whereas in MMS, the
user profile is central since it determines when a message will be
downloaded for example. This is because MMS messages are larger and
are not delivered immediately to the recipient.
Although MMS encompasses a wide range of content types, it is a
logical extension of SMS, making it easily adoptable for today's
generation of mobile users. Another advantage of MMS is that the
message is a multimedia presentation in a single entry, not a text
file with attachments, making it much simpler and user-friendly.

MMS Supports most Applications:


Text
• Unlimited text that can be formatted.
• Text can be accompanied by images, graphics, sound and in future
video.

Graphics
• Support for Graphs, tables, charts, diagrams and layouts.
• Support for animated GIFs.

Audio
• Support for music, speech.
• Support for streaming sound.

Images
• Sending images and snapshots from an attached or built in digital
camera.
• Ability to edit images and add text.

Video
• The ultimate goal of MMS is the ability to send video (over a full
3G network).
• The ability to send a simple 30-second clip has enticing
applications especially in the sports and media arena.
The MMS standard lists JPEG, GIF, text, AMR voice, and other formats
as supported media types, while unsupported formats are handled in a
controlled way. Like SMS, MMS is an open industry standard, and MMS
messages can be delivered using existing networks and protocols. MMS
is also bearer-independent, which means it is not limited to GSM or
WCDMA networks.


Drawbacks of MMS:

The speed of MMS transmission, although quick, is still dependent on
the message size and on the bearer used. However, since the receiver
is not aware of the ongoing transmission before the message has been
delivered, the delay is imperceptible, making MMS as convenient to
use as SMS.

Vision

Mothers Day Special

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked.

The guide said: "Yes, but the way is hard, and you will be old before you reach the end of it.
But the end will be better than the beginning.

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years.
So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them. But the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this.

Then the night came, and the storm, the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold. The mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, the children said, Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."

The morning came, there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed. When they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."

The mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better Day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage, today, I have given them strength."

The next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and Evil. The children groped and stumbled. The mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light. The children looked and saw the clouds above in an everlasting glory, which guided them beyond the darkness. That night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

The days went on, the weeks, the months and the years. The mother grew old and she was little and bent, but her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage.

When the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather. At last they came to a hill and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide.

The mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. Now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."*

The children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." As they stood and watched her as she went on alone, the gates closed after her.

They said: "We cannot see her but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a Memory, she is a living presence......."

Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the Street. She's the smell of soap in your freshly laundered socks. She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. She's crystallized in every tear drop.

She's the place you came from, your first home.


She's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.

Not time, not space... not even death!

Question of the Day

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for Women gathering, and his hostess broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

Mother In Law

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company
and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab." Sorry I took so long, " he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off
so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car

Sunday, May 14, 2006

About MMS - I

The Multimedia Messaging Service (MMS) is a new messaging service that allows messages containing pictures, audio clips, text and in the future, video, to be sent and received between one customer and another.

Multimedia Messaging Service (MMS) is a store and forward messaging service which allows cell phone subscribers to exchange multimedia messages with other mobile subscribers. As such it can be seen as an evolution of SMS, with MMS supporting the transmission of additional media types:
• text
• picture
• audio
• video

Multimedia Messaging Service (MMS) is an important emerging service, which allows the sending of multiple media in a single message, and the ability to send a message to multiple recipients at one time.

Just as the traditional short message service (SMS), multimedia messaging service (MMS) provides automatic and immediate delivery of personal messages. Unlike the SMS however, MMS allows mobile phone users to enhance their messages by incorporating sound, images, and other rich content, transforming it into a personalized visual and
audio message.

But MMS technology offers more than just a broadening of message content. With MMS, it is not only possible to send your multimedia messages from one phone to another, but also from phone to email, and vice versa. This feature dramatically increases the possibilities of mobile communication, both for private and corporate use.

The originator of the message, can easily create a Multimedia Message, either using a built-in or accessory camera, or can use images and sounds stored previously in the cell phone ( or possibly downloaded from a site).

Several Multimedia Messages can be stored in the users handset and reviewed or forwarded at a later date.

How MMS works:

Depending upon the mobile operator, a typical example of how MMS messages are sent and received between two compatible MMS mobile phones is :

1: Using an MMS compatible phone, take a picture.
2: Use your mobile phone to personalize the message by adding text, voice or sound clip
3: Send the MMS message

On a compatible cell phone, the MMS message will appear with a new message alert. The picture message will open on the screen, the text will appear below the image and the sound, if any, plays automatically.


Comparison of MMS with SMS:

SMS messages are not delivered in real time because they follow the 'store and forward' model. All SMS messages first get sent to the SMSC (Short Message Service Centre) from where they are routed to the recipient. MMSC (Multi Media Service Centre) performs an analogous function to the SMSC for the purposes of this discussion.
Like SMS messages, MMS messages are also not delivered in real time. However the actual interaction in the delivery of MMS messages is different from that of SMS.

SMS messages delivery is quite simple - SMS messages get sent first to the SMSC and if the SMSC can deliver the message immediately to the recipient, the message is sent to them.

To be Continued..

Burdens and Sorrows

A HUSBAND COMES FROM CHURCH

HE GREETED HIS WIFE AND LIFTED HER UP. HE CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE.
THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED

"DID THE PASTOR PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC"?

THE HUSBAND SAID, "NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS

Sharing

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's one cold winter evening.

They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:

"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.

The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - "They were used to sharing everything."

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.

A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.

After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.

What is it that you are waiting for?" She answered,

"THE TEETH"

Why Dogs Don't Live As Long As People

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very much attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.

I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, *"People are born so that*

*they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the*

*time and being nice, right?"*

The four-year-old continued,

*"Well, dogs*

*already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."*

Too Early Conclusions

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.

Women!!

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

About DVD - VI

How should I clean and care for DVDs?

Since DVDs are read by a laser, they are resistant to fingerprints, dust, smudges, and scratches.
However, surface contaminants and scratches can cause data errors. On a video player, the effect of data errors ranges from minor video artifacts to frame skipping to complete unplayability. So it's a good idea to take care of your discs. In general treat them the same way as you would a CD.

Your player can't be harmed by a scratched or dirty disc unless globs of nasty substances on it actually hit the lens. Still, it's best to keep your discs clean, which will also keep the inside of your player clean. Don't attempt to play a cracked disc, as it could shatter and damage the player. It doesn't hurt to leave the disc in the player, even if it's paused and still spinning, but leaving it running unattended for days on end might not be a good idea.
In general, there's no need to clean the lens on your player, since the air moved by the rotating disc keeps it clean. However, if you use a lens cleaning disc in your CD player, you may want to do the same with your DVD player. It's advisable to use a cleaning disc specifically designed for DVD players, because there are minor differences in lens positioning between DVD and CD players.

Periodic alignment of the pickup head is not necessary. Sometimes the laser can drift out of alignment, especially after rough handling of the player, but this is not a regular maintenance item.
Care and feeding of DVDs

Handle only at the hub or outer edge. Don't touch the shiny surface with your popcorn-greasy fingers.
Store in a protective case when not in use. Don't bend the disc when taking it out of the case, and be careful not to scratch the disc when placing it in the case or in the player tray.

Make certain the disc is properly seated in the player tray before you close it.

Keep discs away from radiators, heaters, hot equipment surfaces, direct sunlight (near a window or in a car during hot weather), pets, small children, and other destructive forces. The DVD specification recommends that discs be stored at a temperature between -20 to 50 °C (-4 to 122 °F) with less than 15 °C (27 °F) variation per hour, at relative humidity of 5 to 90 percent. Artificial light and indirect sunlight have no effect on replicated DVDs since they are made of polycarbonate, polymer adhesives, and metal (usually aluminum or gold), none of which are significantly affected by exposure to light. Exposure to bright sunlight may affect recordable DVDs, specifically write-once DVDs (DVD-R and DVD+R) that use light-sensitive dyes. Magnetic fields have no effect on DVDs, so it's ok to leave them sitting on your speakers.
Coloring the outside edge of a DVD with a green marker (or any other color) makes no difference in video or audio quality. Data is read based on pit interference at 1/4 of the laser wavelength, a distance of less than 165 nanometers. A bit of dye that on average is more than 3 million times farther away is not going to affect anything.

Cleaning and repairing DVDs

If you notice problems when playing a disc, you may be able to correct them with a simple cleaning.
· Do not use strong cleaners, abrasives, solvents, or acids.
· With a soft, lint-free cloth, wipe gently in only a radial direction (a straight line between the hub and the rim). Since the data is arranged circularly on the disc, the micro scratches you create when cleaning the disc (or the nasty gouge you make with the dirt you didn't see on your cleaning cloth) will cross more error correction blocks and be less likely to cause unrecoverable errors.

· Don't use canned or compressed air, which can be very cold and may thermally stress the disc.
· For stubborn dirt or gummy adhesive, use water, water with mild soap, or isopropyl alcohol. As a last resort, try peanut oil. Let it sit for about a minute before wiping it off.
· There are commercial products that clean discs and provide some protection from dust, fingerprints, and scratches. CD cleaning products work as well as DVD cleaning products.

If you continue to have problems after cleaning the disc, you may need to attempt to repair one or more scratches. Sometimes even hairline scratches can cause errors if they just happen to cover an entire error correction (ECC) block. Examine the disc to find scratches, keeping in mind that the laser reads from the bottom. There are essentially two methods of repairing scratches: 1) fill or coat the scratch with an optical material; 2) polish down the scratch. There are many commercial products that do one or both of these, or you may wish to do it yourself with polishing compounds or toothpaste. The trick is to polish out the scratch without causing new ones. A mess of small polishing scratches may cause more damage than a big scratch. As with cleaning, polish only in the radial direction.

Libraries, rental shops, and other venues that need to clean a lot of discs may wish to invest in a commercial polishing machine that can restore a disc to pristine condition after an amazing amount of abuse. Keep in mind that the data layer on a DVD is only half as deep as on a CD, so a DVD can only be repolished about half as many times.

What's a MiniDVD?

The term "miniDVD" confusingly refers to 8-cm DVDs and to CDs with DVD-Video content on them, more appropriately called cDVDs. 8-cm DVDs are defined in the DVD specification and will play on almost all DVD players and drives, but they don't work in most slot-loading systems, such as in cars. cDVDs play on most DVD PCs, but only on very few DVD players


What are .IFO, .VOB, .AOB, and .VRO files? How can I play them?

The DVD-Video and DVD-Audio specifications define how audio and video data are stored in specialized files. The .IFO files contain menus and other information about the video and audio. The .BUP files are backup copies of the .IFO files. The .VOB files (for DVD-Video) and .AOB files (for DVD-Audio) are MPEG-2 program streams with additional packets containing navigation and search information.

Since a .VOB file is just a specialized MPEG-2 file, most MPEG-2 decoders and software DVD players can play them. You may need to change the extension from .VOB to .MPG. However, any special features such as angles or branching will cause strange effects. The best way to play a .VOB file is to use a DVD player application to play the entire volume (or to open the VIDEO_TS.IFO file), since this will make sure all the DVD-Video features are used properly.
Many DVDs are encrypted, which means the .VOB files won't play when copied to your hard drive.
If you try to copy the .IFO and .VOB files to a recordable DVD it may not play.

.VRO files are created by DVD video recorders using the DVD-VR format. In some cases you can treat the files just like .VOB files, but in many cases they are fragmented and unplayable. Newer version of Cyberlink PowerDVD, InterVideo WinDVD, and Sonic Cineplayer can play them. Otherwise you'll need a utility such as Heuris Extractor or Panasonic DVD-MovieAlbum to copy them to a hard disk in usable format. Alternatively you can use DVD disc creation software such as InterVideo WinDVD Creator, MedioStream neoDVD, or Sonic MyDVD can import from -VR discs and write out standard DVD-Video discs

Todays Toon











To Enlarge, Click on the Image

Audit

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (*a nasty little man*) to audit a synagogue.

The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."

"Yes," answered the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way...

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do...with the crumbs from the matzo?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions? "

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins. And when we have enough we actually send them to the Internal Revenue Service."

"Internal Revenue Service?," questioned the auditor in disbelief.

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue Service. And... about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

Diploma

An old lady is pushing a pram with her grandchild in it at the supermarket.

Every time she puts an item in the trolley she says: "Here's a little something for you Diploma".

The shopkeeper who was watching her all the while, finally asks her why she calls her grandchild "Diploma".

The old woman replies: "Because I sent my daughter to university and this is what she came with..."

Migraine

A man goes to the doctor and complains that no medicine helps with his migraines.
"When I have a migraine," says the doctor, "I go home and soak in a hot bath. Then I have mywife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. Almost immediately,the headache is gone.

Try it and come back in six weeks."Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

"It worked!" he exclaims. "I've had migraines for years, and no ones ever helped me before!"

"Glad to help," says the doctor.

"By the way," the patient adds, "you have a really nice house."

About DVD - V

What's a dual-layer disc? Will it work in all players?

A dual-layer disc has two layers of data, one of them semi-transparent so that the laser can focus through it and read the second layer. Since both layers are read from the same side, a dual-layer disc can hold almost twice as much as a single-layer disc, typically 4 hours of video (see 3.3 for more details). Many discs use dual layers. Initially only a few replication plants could make dual-layer discs, but most plants now have the capability. The second layer can use either a PTP (parallel track path) layout where both tracks run in parallel (for independent data or special switching effects), or an OTP (opposite track path) layout where the second track runs in an opposite spiral; that is, the pickup head reads out from the center on the first track then in from the outside on the second track. The OTP layout, also called RSDL (reverse-spiral dual layer), is designed to provide continuous video across both layers. When the laser pickup head reaches the end of the first layer it changes focus to the second layer and starts moving back toward the center of the disc. The layer change can occur anywhere in the video; it doesn't have to be at a chapter point. There's no guarantee that the switch between layers will be seamless. The layer change is invisible on some players, but it can cause the video to freeze for a fraction of a second or as long as 4 seconds on other players. The "seamlessness" depends as much on the way the disc is prepared as on the design of the player. The advantage of two layers is that long movies can use higher data rates for better quality than with a single layer.

There are various ways to recognize dual-layer discs: 1) the gold color, 2) a menu on the disc for selecting the widescreen or fullscreen version, 3) two serial numbers on one side.

The DVD specification requires that players and drives read dual-layer discs. There are very few units that have problems with dual-layer discs--this is a design flaw and should be corrected for free by the manufacturer. Some discs are designed with a "seamless layer change" that technically goes beyond what the DVD spec allows. This causes problems on a few older players.

All players and drives also play double-sided discs if you flip them over. No manufacturer has announced a model that will play both sides, other than a few DVD jukeboxes. The added cost would be hard to justify since discs can hold over 4 hours of video on one side by using two layers. (Early discs used two sides because dual-layer production was not widely supported. This is no longer a problem.) Pioneer LD/DVD players can play both sides of a laserdisc, but not a DVD.

Is DVD-Video a worldwide standard? Does it work with NTSC, PAL, and SECAM?

Video on a DVD is stored in digital format, but it's formatted for one of two mutually incompatible television systems: 525/60 (NTSC) or 625/50 (PAL/SECAM). Therefore, there are two kinds of DVDs: "NTSC DVDs" and "PAL DVDs." Some players only play NTSC discs, others play PAL and NTSC discs. Discs are also coded for different regions of the world . NTSC is the TV format used in Canada, Japan, Mexico, Philippines, Taiwan, United States, and other countries. PAL is the TV format used in most of Europe, most of Africa, China, India, Australia, New Zealand, Israel, North Korea, and other countries. (See the chart at www.remoteviewing.com for a complete list.)

Almost all DVD players sold in PAL countries play both kinds of discs. These multi-standard players partially convert NTSC to a 60-Hz PAL (4.43 NTSC) signal. The player uses the PAL 4.43-MHz color subcarrier encoding format but keeps the 525/60 NTSC scanning rate. Most modern PAL TVs can handle this "pseudo-PAL" signal. A few multi-standard PAL players output true 3.58 NTSC from NTSC discs, which requires an NTSC TV or a multi-standard TV. Some players have a switch to choose 60-Hz PAL or true NTSC output when playing NTSC discs. There are a few standards-converting PAL players that convert from an NTSC disc to standard PAL output for older PAL TVs. Proper "on the fly" standards conversion requires expensive hardware to handle scaling, temporal conversion, and object motion analysis. Because the quality of conversion in DVD players is poor, using 60-Hz PAL output with a compatible TV provides a better picture than converting from NTSC to PAL. (Sound is not affected by video conversion.)

Most NTSC players can't play PAL discs, and most NTSC TVs don't work with PAL video. A very small number of NTSC players (such as Apex and SMC) can convert PAL to NTSC. External converter boxes are also available, such as the Emerson EVC1595 ($350). High-quality converters are available from companies such as TenLab and Snell and Wilcox.
Beware, some standards-converting players can't convert anamorphic widescreen video for 4:3 displays
The latest software tools such as Adobe After Effects and Canopus ProCoder do quite a good job of converting between PAL and NTSC at low cost, but they are only appropriate for the production environment (converting the video before it is encoded and put on the DVD). See Snell and Wilcox's The Engineer's Guide to Standards Conversion and The Engineer's Guide to Motion Compensation for technical details of conversion.

There are three differences between discs intended for playback on different TV systems: picture dimensions and pixel aspect ratio (720x480 vs. 720x576), display frame rate (29.97 vs. 25), and surround audio options (Dolby Digital vs. MPEG audio). Video from film is usually encoded at 24 frames/sec but is preformatted for one of the two required display rates. Movies formatted for PAL display are usually sped up by 4% at playback, so the audio must be adjusted accordingly before being encoded. All PAL DVD players can play Dolby Digital audio tracks, but not all NTSC players can play MPEG audio tracks. PAL and SECAM share the same scanning format, so discs are the same for both systems. The only difference is that SECAM players output the color signal in the format required by SECAM TVs. Note that modern TVs in most SECAM countries can also read PAL signals, so you can use a player that only has PAL output. The only case in which you need a player with SECAM output is for older SECAM-only TVs.

A producer can choose to put 525/60 NTSC video on one side of the disc and 625/50 PAL on the other. Most studios put Dolby Digital audio tracks on their PAL discs instead of MPEG audio tracks.
Because of PAL's higher resolution, the video usually takes more space on the disc than the NTSC version.

There are actually three types of DVD players if you count computers. Most DVD PC software and hardware can play both NTSC and PAL video and both Dolby Digital and MPEG audio. Some PCs can only display the converted video on the computer monitor, but others can output it as a video signal for a TV.
Bottom line: NTSC discs (with Dolby Digital audio) play on over 95% of DVD systems worldwide. PAL discs play on very few players outside of PAL countries.