All about Wives!!!!

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same
way. - Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then
we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
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A good wife always forgives her husband when
she's wrong. - Milton Berle
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked
for a jury. - George Burns
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied,
"In the lake." - Henny Youngman
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henny Youngman
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
"You know, I was a fool when married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
love and didn't notice."
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 m! onths - I
don't like to interrupt her.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more
affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he
decided not to report it since the thief was
spending much less than his wife did.
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Getting married is very much like going to a
restaurant with friends. You order what you
want, then when you see what the other
fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
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It's not true that married men live longer than
single men. It only seems longer.
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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it
was almost impossible.
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A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all
-money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love
of a beautiful woman and then,BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife
found out..."
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men
would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I think one of the greatest things about
marriage is that as both
husband and father, I can say anything I want to
around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of
attention.
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A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman
is one who can find such a man.
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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can
ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law
gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay,
give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared
for marriage They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
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How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
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Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who
is packing your parachute