Funny One Liners

If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

Never try to drown your troubles... especially if she can swim.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station.


By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right,
he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong.

Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which,
without them, we wouldn't have.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Girls are like internet domain names...
the ones I like are already taken.

Quit smoking! Take air pollution straight.

Finally 21 and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing since 15.

Success is relative- the more success, the more relatives.