Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
Old Couple
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......."
The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68.
His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......."
Never Marry...
Never marry a Testing girl since she always doubts U.
Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.
Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY
Time to go to school
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. 'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'
'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'
'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'
'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!'
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Office Language
Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and... What they really mean!
1.For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2.Noted and returned.
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
3.Review and comment.
Meaning : Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4. Action please.
Meaning : Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5.For your necessary action.
Meaning : It's your headache now.
6.Copy to.
Meaning : Here's a share of my headache.
7.For your approval, please.
Meaning : Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
8.Action is being taken.
Meaning : Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
9.Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning : I am trying to figure out what you want.
10.Please discuss.
Meaning : I don't know what the "****" this is, so please brief me.
11.For your immediate action.
Meaning : Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
12.Please reply soon.
Meaning : Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
13.We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities. Meaning : They are causing the delay, not us.
14.Regards.
Meaning : Thanks and bless you for reading all the bulls h it.
1.For your information, please. (FYI)
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2.Noted and returned.
Meaning : I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.
3.Review and comment.
Meaning : Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4. Action please.
Meaning : Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5.For your necessary action.
Meaning : It's your headache now.
6.Copy to.
Meaning : Here's a share of my headache.
7.For your approval, please.
Meaning : Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.
8.Action is being taken.
Meaning : Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.
9.Your letter is receiving our attention.
Meaning : I am trying to figure out what you want.
10.Please discuss.
Meaning : I don't know what the "****" this is, so please brief me.
11.For your immediate action.
Meaning : Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.
12.Please reply soon.
Meaning : Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.
13.We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities. Meaning : They are causing the delay, not us.
14.Regards.
Meaning : Thanks and bless you for reading all the bulls h it.
Santa Banta Rocks
Once Santa and Banta happened to be together in Delhi. Having excursion tickets, they boarded a DTC double decker.
Banta, finding no vacant seat in the lower deck, went to the upper deck and took a seat.
He was surprised to see that there was no driver in the upper deck. Showing his anxiety, he asked Santa if there was a driver in the lower deck.
Promptly came the reply that there was indeed a driver.
Banta then said, God is driving this upper deck himself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Santa Singh spoke frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked.
'No, you idiot!' Santa shouted. 'This is her husband!'
Banta, finding no vacant seat in the lower deck, went to the upper deck and took a seat.
He was surprised to see that there was no driver in the upper deck. Showing his anxiety, he asked Santa if there was a driver in the lower deck.
Promptly came the reply that there was indeed a driver.
Banta then said, God is driving this upper deck himself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Santa Singh spoke frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked.
'No, you idiot!' Santa shouted. 'This is her husband!'
Means to be British
One of the national daily papers in Australia is asking for comments about "what it means to be British" these days.
This one is from a chap in Switzerland stands out:
"...Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curryor a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British think of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Brain Exercise (Contd....)
If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour? One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree", you are to be
congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league.
congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league.
Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales.
In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on.
In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU. Read the first line!!!
My Hat
A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat
through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the
minister.
"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."
The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?"
The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat
through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the
minister.
"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."
The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?"
The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."
Necrophilia
A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia -- making love to a dead woman.
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!"
The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
#1, It's none of your damn business;
#2, She was my wife; and.....
#3, I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!"
The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
#1, It's none of your damn business;
#2, She was my wife; and.....
#3, I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"
Finished Product
There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. This was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quiet so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke, "You don't understand," it said, "I haven't always been a teacup."
"There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Let me alone,' but he only smiled, 'Not yet.'
"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!' I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'
"Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips, as he shook his head, 'Not yet!'
"Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'There that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible; I thought I would gag. 'Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.'
"Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded, I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, 'Not yet!'
"Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself.' And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful.
I'm beautiful.'
"'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.
"'I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life. And if I hadn't put you back in the second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held.
"'Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began you.'"
"TOUGH TIME NEVER LASTS, BUT TOUGH PEOPLE DO."
"There was a time when I was red and I was clay. My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Let me alone,' but he only smiled, 'Not yet.'
"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!' I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet.'
"Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips, as he shook his head, 'Not yet!'
"Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'There that's better,' I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible; I thought I would gag. 'Stop it, stop it!' I cried. He only nodded, 'Not yet.'
"Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded, I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, 'Not yet!'
"Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself.' And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful.
I'm beautiful.'
"'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I knew it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.
"'I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life. And if I hadn't put you back in the second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held.
"'Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began you.'"
"TOUGH TIME NEVER LASTS, BUT TOUGH PEOPLE DO."
Brain Exercise (Contd....)
If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?
Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks", Its wrong
Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.
Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks", Its wrong
Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail.
Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.
Hearing Problem
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Monday, January 02, 2006
Normal Person Vs GRE Student
A NORMAL PERSON : : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
Sent by : Ashok Kumar G
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.
*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
Sent by : Ashok Kumar G
Growing Up is Optional
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't
already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married,and have a couple of kids..."
" No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
" I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.
She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.
I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old
because we stop playing.
There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor
every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!
There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.
If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty
years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.
Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding
opportunity in change. Have no regrets.
The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear
death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing The Rose."
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!
These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.
"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married,and have a couple of kids..."
" No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
" I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went.
She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.
I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old
because we stop playing.
There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor
every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!
There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.
If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty
years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.
Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding
opportunity in change. Have no regrets.
The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear
death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously singing The Rose."
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!
These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.
We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.
Brain Exercise
1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said "bread", go to question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World".
(to be Continued..)
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said "bread", go to question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World".
(to be Continued..)
Riddles
What begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
Ans.:Teapot
A word I know, six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains.
Ans.:Dozens
Tom's mom had four kids: Nickel, Dime, Quarter and what is the fourth?
Ans.:Tom
What is a five letter word which becomes shorter with two letters added onto it?
Ans.:Short
The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?
Ans.:Time
What English word starting with 'B' has three consecutive double letters?
Ans.:Bookkeeping
What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?
Ans.:Keyboard
There is a plane traveling from New Delhi to Pakistan at 800 KMPH, but unfortunately just as it reaches the border between India and Pakistan, it crashes. Where do they bury the survivors, in India, or in Pakistan?
Ans.:survivors don't get buried, dead people do!!
Standing in an open pasture are a Papa bull and a Baby bull, which member of the family is missing?
Ans.:The correct answer is the cow, there is no such animal as a Mama bull, it's called a cow.
Which is correct: Five and four are eight, or five and four is eight?
Ans.: Five and four equals nine, not eight
How many members of each type of animal did Moses take on the ark?
Ans.:Moses didn't bring any animals onto the ark, it was Noah.
Ans.:Teapot
A word I know, six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains.
Ans.:Dozens
Tom's mom had four kids: Nickel, Dime, Quarter and what is the fourth?
Ans.:Tom
What is a five letter word which becomes shorter with two letters added onto it?
Ans.:Short
The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?
Ans.:Time
What English word starting with 'B' has three consecutive double letters?
Ans.:Bookkeeping
What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?
Ans.:Keyboard
There is a plane traveling from New Delhi to Pakistan at 800 KMPH, but unfortunately just as it reaches the border between India and Pakistan, it crashes. Where do they bury the survivors, in India, or in Pakistan?
Ans.:survivors don't get buried, dead people do!!
Standing in an open pasture are a Papa bull and a Baby bull, which member of the family is missing?
Ans.:The correct answer is the cow, there is no such animal as a Mama bull, it's called a cow.
Which is correct: Five and four are eight, or five and four is eight?
Ans.: Five and four equals nine, not eight
How many members of each type of animal did Moses take on the ark?
Ans.:Moses didn't bring any animals onto the ark, it was Noah.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Whats Inside???
There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it..
He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child. One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums.
This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.
A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions.
The third person offered the neighbours plugs for their ears.
A fourth gave the boy a book.
A fifth gave the neighbours books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback.
A sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile.
None of these attempts worked.
Eventually,Kanjibhai as a wise person came along with an effective motivation.
He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"
No more problem.
He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child. One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums.
This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.
A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions.
The third person offered the neighbours plugs for their ears.
A fourth gave the boy a book.
A fifth gave the neighbours books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback.
A sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile.
None of these attempts worked.
Eventually,Kanjibhai as a wise person came along with an effective motivation.
He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"
No more problem.
How Much
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
Kanheri Caves
Here is inside Verticle Panaromic view of Kanheri caves at Sanjay Ghandhi National Park At Borivalli Mumbai.
Total 4 photos were taken with nikon coolpix 5100 digital camera and joined together using Panaroma maker ver 3 software.
Total 4 photos were taken with nikon coolpix 5100 digital camera and joined together using Panaroma maker ver 3 software.
Magic of Maths
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Engineers - Part Four
Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."
features yet."
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office.
Sent By : Raghu T
All about Wives
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! --Anonymous
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. --Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. --H. L. Mencken
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later;for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." - U2
----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Marriage is a three-ring circus:
--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering
---------------------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. --Anonymous
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?" --Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. --Anonymous
-------------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.Then the mud fell off. --Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." --Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....." --Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. --Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. --H. L. Mencken
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later;for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." - U2
----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Marriage is a three-ring circus:
--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering
---------------------------------------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. --Anonymous
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?" --Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. --Anonymous
-------------------------------------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.Then the mud fell off. --Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." --Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....." --Anonymous
---------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous
One Liners
* Regular Naps Prevent Old Age... Especially If You Take Them While Driving .
* Having One Child Makes You A Parent; Having Two You Are A Referee.
* Marriage Is A Relationship In Which One Person Is Always Right And The Other Is Husband.
* I Believe We Should All Pay Our Tax With A Smile. I Tried - But They Wanted Cash.
* A Child's Greatest Period Of Growth Is The Month After You've Purchased New School Uniforms.
* Don't Feel Bad. A Lot Of People Have No Talent.
* Don't Marry The Person You Want To Live With, Marry The One You Cannot Live Without... But Whatever You Do, You'll Regret It Later.
* You Can't Buy Love . . . But You Pay Heavily For It.
* True Friends Stab You In The Front.
* Forgiveness Is Giving Up My Right To Hate You For Hurting Me.
* Bad Officials Are Elected By Good Citizens Who Do Not Vote.
* Laziness Is Nothing More Than The Habit Of Resting Before You Get Tired.
* My Wife And I Always Compromise. I Admit I'm Wrong And She Agrees With Me.
* Those Who Can't Laugh At Themselves Leave The Job To Others.
* Ladies First. Pretty Ladies Sooner.
* It Doesn't Matter How Often A Married Man Changes His Job, He Still Ends Up With The Same Boss.
* Real Friends Are The Ones Who Survive Transitions Between Address Books.
* Saving Is The Best Thing. Especially When Your Parents Have Done It For You.
* Wise Men Talk Because They Have Something To Say; Fools Talk Because They Have To Say Something.
* They Call Our Language The Mother Tongue Because The Father Seldom Gets To Speak .
* Having One Child Makes You A Parent; Having Two You Are A Referee.
* Marriage Is A Relationship In Which One Person Is Always Right And The Other Is Husband.
* I Believe We Should All Pay Our Tax With A Smile. I Tried - But They Wanted Cash.
* A Child's Greatest Period Of Growth Is The Month After You've Purchased New School Uniforms.
* Don't Feel Bad. A Lot Of People Have No Talent.
* Don't Marry The Person You Want To Live With, Marry The One You Cannot Live Without... But Whatever You Do, You'll Regret It Later.
* You Can't Buy Love . . . But You Pay Heavily For It.
* True Friends Stab You In The Front.
* Forgiveness Is Giving Up My Right To Hate You For Hurting Me.
* Bad Officials Are Elected By Good Citizens Who Do Not Vote.
* Laziness Is Nothing More Than The Habit Of Resting Before You Get Tired.
* My Wife And I Always Compromise. I Admit I'm Wrong And She Agrees With Me.
* Those Who Can't Laugh At Themselves Leave The Job To Others.
* Ladies First. Pretty Ladies Sooner.
* It Doesn't Matter How Often A Married Man Changes His Job, He Still Ends Up With The Same Boss.
* Real Friends Are The Ones Who Survive Transitions Between Address Books.
* Saving Is The Best Thing. Especially When Your Parents Have Done It For You.
* Wise Men Talk Because They Have Something To Say; Fools Talk Because They Have To Say Something.
* They Call Our Language The Mother Tongue Because The Father Seldom Gets To Speak .
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Engineers - Part Three
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Sent By : Raghu T
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Sent By : Raghu T
Terrible Car Accident
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes.
Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.
St. Peter approached us and said that we were all to young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."
Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.
St. Peter approached us and said that we were all to young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."
He Vs She
HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .
Types of Girls
HARD-DISK Girls: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Girls: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Girls: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Girls: Difficult to access.
SERVER Girls: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Girls: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Girls: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Girls: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.......
RAM Girls: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Girls: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Girls: Difficult to access.
SERVER Girls: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Girls: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Girls: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Girls: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.......
Smart Q and A (Continued...)
1. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?
Nine.
2. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.
3. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
"One word"
4. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin's egg. Why not?
Penguins live in the Antarctic.
5. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow
6. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
You have to take a picture of a man with acamera, not with a wooden leg.
7. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the International Home Show," One of them was the father of the other's son. How could this be possible?
They were husband and wife.
8. A butcher in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh?
Meat
Nine.
2. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.
3. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
"One word"
4. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin's egg. Why not?
Penguins live in the Antarctic.
5. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow
6. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
You have to take a picture of a man with acamera, not with a wooden leg.
7. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the International Home Show," One of them was the father of the other's son. How could this be possible?
They were husband and wife.
8. A butcher in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall. What does he weigh?
Meat
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Little Lalooo
Little Lalloo was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. 'Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?' he asked his mother.
'He thinks a lot,' replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until little Lalloo thought for a second and asked, 'So why do you have so much hair?'
'He thinks a lot,' replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Or she was until little Lalloo thought for a second and asked, 'So why do you have so much hair?'
Smart Q and A
1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A coffin.
2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?
The child was born before 1776.
3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mount Everest (it just hadn't been discovered).
4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.
5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion "Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's wrong with the story?
World War I wasn't called "World War I" untilWorld War II.
6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?
The word "and".
7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?
They fall in the same year every year. New Year'sDay just arrives very early in the year andChristmas arrives very late in the same year.
8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?
One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar billsare worth one dollar more than one thousand ninehundred and eighty-nine dollar bills..
(to be Continued..)
A coffin.
2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?
The child was born before 1776.
3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mount Everest (it just hadn't been discovered).
4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.
5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion "Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's wrong with the story?
World War I wasn't called "World War I" untilWorld War II.
6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?
The word "and".
7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?
They fall in the same year every year. New Year'sDay just arrives very early in the year andChristmas arrives very late in the same year.
8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?
One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar billsare worth one dollar more than one thousand ninehundred and eighty-nine dollar bills..
(to be Continued..)
Make a Difference
A man was walking down the beach at sunset. As, he walked along, he saw another man in the distance. He noticed this man kept leaning down, picking up something and throwing it out into the water, again and again.
As, he approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach. He was throwing them back into the water, one by one. Puzzled, he approached the man and said, "Good Evening. I was wondering what you are doing."
"I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If, I don't throw them back into the ocean, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen."
"But, there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possible get to all of them. And, don't you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?"
The man bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and threw it back into the ocean. With a smile he replied, "Made a difference to that one !!!"
Just remember, no matter how small the deed
it really does makes a difference.
Make a difference today.
Do something nice for someone else,
even if it's just sending this mail to a friend and
letting them know somebody cares about them
As, he approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach. He was throwing them back into the water, one by one. Puzzled, he approached the man and said, "Good Evening. I was wondering what you are doing."
"I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If, I don't throw them back into the ocean, they'll die up here from lack of oxygen."
"But, there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can't possible get to all of them. And, don't you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can't you see that you can't possibly make a difference?"
The man bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and threw it back into the ocean. With a smile he replied, "Made a difference to that one !!!"
Just remember, no matter how small the deed
it really does makes a difference.
Make a difference today.
Do something nice for someone else,
even if it's just sending this mail to a friend and
letting them know somebody cares about them
Friday, December 23, 2005
Without a GirlFriend
1. You can stare at any Girl.......
2. You don't have to spend money on her.
3. You won't get boring result in ur papers.
4. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one to be a cool guy loves .
5. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring
5. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.
6. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.
7. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.
8. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters.No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop\place
9. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them
10. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.
11. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.
12.You wont have to fight over having a 'special' freind with ur folks.
13. No nonstop nonsense.
14. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.
15. No more tension.
16. You can be "urself"
17. You wont have to hide your telephone bills...
So Try to AVOID Girl Friends in your Life...!
2. You don't have to spend money on her.
3. You won't get boring result in ur papers.
4. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one to be a cool guy loves .
5. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring
5. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.
6. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.
7. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.
8. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters.No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop\place
9. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them
10. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.
11. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.
12.You wont have to fight over having a 'special' freind with ur folks.
13. No nonstop nonsense.
14. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.
15. No more tension.
16. You can be "urself"
17. You wont have to hide your telephone bills...
So Try to AVOID Girl Friends in your Life...!
Pre School Test
Pre-school children were asked the following question:
"In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling. Look carefully at the picture.Do you know the answer?The only possible answers are "left" and "right.".
.
...Think about it ...
.
.
.Still don't know?.
.
.
.
.Okay, I'll tell you..
.
.
The pre-schoolers all answered " right .
"When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling in the rightdirection?" they answered:"Because you can't see the door.
"Feel pretty silly now, don't you?
Sent By: Raghu T
Engineers - Part Two
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
"The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Sent By : Raghu T
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
"The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Sent By : Raghu T
So she could love you
A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her.
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind hearted?"
The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good looking?"
"So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."
The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but why did you make her so stupid?"
"So she could love you, my son."
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind hearted?"
The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good looking?"
"So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."
The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but why did you make her so stupid?"
"So she could love you, my son."
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Cool SMS
Q: What's the difference between a Kiss, a car & a monkey?
A: A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear & the monkey is U dear!
• Our friendship is like playing on a see-saw, not only because its always fun being with u but also because I won't mind going down to see u rise.
• Some friends r worth 2b thrown, some r good 2 keep, some r 2b treasured 4 ever. I think u r the one 2b thrown in the treasure box 2b kept 4 ever.
• When you are counting all your friends, the oldest, the best & the new... I wud like to stand by ur side & say two little words..."ME TOO"
• Friendship is like peeing in ur pants. Everyone can c it but only u can feel its true warmth. Thanks 4 being the pee in my pants.
• A friend is sweet when its new but it is sweeter when its TRUE! But you know what? It's sweetest when its you.
• Valuing Friendship is not merely by seeing each other everyday. What counts is that somehow in our busy lives, we remember EACH OTHER.
• A friend is 1% funny, 2% sweet, 3% caring, 4% loving, 90% good looking. Thats why I am your friend! You are so lucky.
• Hey friend, remember that without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no
beauty so the world needs YOU after all!
• Friends are like puzzle pieces. If one goes away, that special piece can never be replaced and that
puzzle will never be whole again.
A: A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear & the monkey is U dear!
• Our friendship is like playing on a see-saw, not only because its always fun being with u but also because I won't mind going down to see u rise.
• Some friends r worth 2b thrown, some r good 2 keep, some r 2b treasured 4 ever. I think u r the one 2b thrown in the treasure box 2b kept 4 ever.
• When you are counting all your friends, the oldest, the best & the new... I wud like to stand by ur side & say two little words..."ME TOO"
• Friendship is like peeing in ur pants. Everyone can c it but only u can feel its true warmth. Thanks 4 being the pee in my pants.
• A friend is sweet when its new but it is sweeter when its TRUE! But you know what? It's sweetest when its you.
• Valuing Friendship is not merely by seeing each other everyday. What counts is that somehow in our busy lives, we remember EACH OTHER.
• A friend is 1% funny, 2% sweet, 3% caring, 4% loving, 90% good looking. Thats why I am your friend! You are so lucky.
• Hey friend, remember that without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no
beauty so the world needs YOU after all!
• Friends are like puzzle pieces. If one goes away, that special piece can never be replaced and that
puzzle will never be whole again.
Engineers - Part One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Sent By : Raghu T
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Sent By : Raghu T
A true and touching love story
A true, touching love story that happened in the Jamu &Kashmir(border)areas.
The headman of a big tribe had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the people of the tribe came to know about their love, they did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future.
The people of the tribe started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them. At last, they accepted their love and asked them in a newspaper to come back.The people said that if u both come back wewill marry u, we acceptthat u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating.
The couple went to the city for shopping for the wedding. He was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died.
One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother haddream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
Next night the father saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up and told her mother about the dream.
Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots. She washed the spots but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained. Next night she again had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her lastwarning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained.
In the evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door, when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door.
She got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up..., andgave her an object, That awe-struck girl asked "what is this..? to which the fairy replied :
..... surf excel irukkullaappram enna kavala............
I know what u are feeling now... But don't look for me... I'msearching for the person who mailed this to me...
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Information
1) If we say 'MUMMY', they come together & go apart when we say 'DADDY'? - LIPS
2) What goes up & never comes down? - AGE
3) Patches over patches but no stitches? - CABBAGE
4) What is that we cannot see, but is always before you? - FUTURE
5) What goes up & down a hill, but never moves? - ROAD
6) You can never wet it? - SHADOW
7) What belongs to You, but used by your friends more often you do? - YOUR NAME
2) What goes up & never comes down? - AGE
3) Patches over patches but no stitches? - CABBAGE
4) What is that we cannot see, but is always before you? - FUTURE
5) What goes up & down a hill, but never moves? - ROAD
6) You can never wet it? - SHADOW
7) What belongs to You, but used by your friends more often you do? - YOUR NAME
Smoke Signal
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.
The worst had happened ~everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me?" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was wakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.
The worst had happened ~everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me?" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was wakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
It really works
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "
Clean my house
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an afterward cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her.
Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said: "Clean my house"
Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said: "Clean my house"
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